Two-handed weapons

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Two-handed weapons require two hands, which means Off-hand Items and Double-Fisted Skull Smashing cannot be used at the same time. Despite the name, three-handed weapons are treated exactly like two-handed weapons; the term is often applied to overcomplicated weapons, such as the ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon and the ridiculously huge sword.

Name	Damage	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
Great Wolf's rocket launcher	30-60	100 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Ranged Damage +50 +20% Chance of Critical Hit Grants skill Fire Rocket
Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg	30-60	100 Muscle	2-handed staff	Weapon Damage +40 Regenerate 20-30 MP per adventure
Unkillable Skeleton's sawsword	30-60	100 Muscle	2-handed sword	+100% Damage vs. Skeletons +50% Damage vs. Zombies +50% Damage vs. Vampires +50% Damage vs. Werewolves +50 Damage vs. Ghosts +50% Damage vs. Bugbears
bag of unfinished business	23-45	200 Moxie	2-handed doggie bag	+40 Stench Damage +5 to Familiar Weight
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
bindlestocking	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Item Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +25 On critical: Merry Crimbo!
Bloodbath	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2) Regenerate 25-30 HP and MP per adventure
Chester's bag of candy	20-40	200 Moxie	2-handed ranged weapon	Part of the Tawdry Tramp Togs +30 Sleaze Damage Moxie +10% Bonus for DBs only
Coily™	20-40	200 Moxie	2-handed spring	Moxie +15% +10% Items from Monsters +25% Meat from Monsters Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
cozy bazooka	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +15% +20% Meat from Monsters Makes you a much better diver
cozy scimitar	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +15% Weapon Damage +50% Makes you a much better diver
decaying wooden oar	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club
El Vibrato energy spear	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed spear	Part of the El Vibrato Relics Can be charged with various effects
FDKOL fire hose	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed hose	+200 Cold Damage
fetus-smashing club	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	A custom item given to Bashy
fire axe	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	+200 Cold Damage
fish bazooka	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +5% +10% Meat from Monsters
fish stick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5% Bonus Spell Damage +15%
flamin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Hot Damage Does extra Hot Damage on critical hits
freezin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Cold Damage Does extra Cold Damage on critical hits
Frosty's nailbat	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed club	Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments Muscle +30% +15% Chance of Critical Hit +30 Cold Damage Bonus for SCs only
giant fishhook	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed spear
giant shrimp fork	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +20% +10% Chance of Spell Critical Hit Maximum MP +100
giant turkey leg	20-40	200 Muscle	3-handed club	Weapon Damage +50% Monsters will be more attracted to you.
Ginsu™	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	+100% Food Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +100%
halibut	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed fish	+100 Stench Damage +100 Sleaze Damage Moxie -10%
Meatcleaver	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	+35% Meat from Monsters Weapon Damage +100%
Mer-kin digpick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	Weapon Damage +30 Allows for mining in the Anemone Mine
Mer-kin dodgeball	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed dodgeball	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped.*Muscle +10%*Moxie +10%
Mer-kin dragnet	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed dragnet	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped.*Muscle +10%*Moxie +10%
Mer-kin switchblade	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed switchblade	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped. Muscle +0%-50% Moxie +10%
miniature deck cannon	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed handcannon	Ranged Damage +25 Regenerate 10-20 HP and MP per adventure
non-stick pugil stick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +10% Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: Stuns Opponent
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+40 Hot Damage +10% Chance of Critical Hit
PVC staff	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +15% +10% Items from Monsters +60 Damage to Cold Spells
rusty staff	20-40	85 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +25 +5% chance of Spell Critical Hit
Seeger's Unstoppable Banjo	20-40	60 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Groovelord Moxie +15 +23% Meat from Monsters +15 damage to Disco Bandit Combat Skills Special Attack: Funk Bluegrass Fusion Disco Bandit's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
skate board	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	All Attributes +10% Damage Reduction: 10
sleazy bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Sleaze Damage Does extra Sleaze Damage on critical hits
slime-covered shovel	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +60 +100 Damage vs. Slimes Combat Initiative -10%
slime-covered staff	20-40	200 Mysticality	2-handed staff	All Spells Cast Are Sleazy Spell Damage +60 Combat Initiative -10%
spooky bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Spooky Damage Does extra Spooky Damage on critical hits
stinkin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Stench Damage Does extra Stench Damage on critical hits
Sword of Procedural Generation	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Varies player to player
The Trickster's Trikitixa	20-40	60 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Master Squeezeboxer Moxie +15 Ranged Damage +23 +11% Item Drops from Monsters Special Attack: Extreme High Note Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs Accordion Thief's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
triple barreled barrel gun	20-40	85 Moxie	3-handed shotgun	Weapon Damage +100% +10% Chance of Critical Hit +25% Meat from Monsters
Underworld flail	20-40	150 Moxie	2-handed flail	+10 Moxie Stat Gains from Fights Ranged Damage +30 Moxie +10%
Underworld truncheon	20-40	150 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Muscle Stat Gains from Fights Weapon Damage +20% Muscle +10%
villainous scythe	20-40	150 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Grimy Reaper's Vestments Slime Hates It x2 Weapon Damage +30% +20% Chance of Critical Hit
Zim Merman's guitar	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +20
Zombo's shoulder blade	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +30% Weapon Damage +30%
beer-a-pult	19-38	80 Moxie	3-handed catapult	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
cast-iron legacy paddle	19-38	80 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +15 Weapon Damage +10
fire poi	19-38	80 Moxie	2-handed flail	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
giant driftwood sculpture	19-38	80 Muscle	2-handed flail	Moxie +8 Weapon Damage +15
massive sitar	19-38	80 Moxie	2-handed sitar	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
alarm accordion	18-36	75 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped. Combat Initiative +20% Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Bugfinder Blade	18-36	75 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
didgeridooka	18-36	75 Moxie	2-handed heavy blowgun	Moxie +9
perforated battle paddle	18-35	72 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +10
plexiglass pikestaff	18-36	75 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +9 Extra PvP Fights Muscle +30% SC's HCO reward
charming flute	17-34	70 Moxie	2-handed flute	Moxie +8 +20 Weapon Damage vs. Snakes
denim axe	17-34	70 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +10 Weapon Damage +10
Drowsy Sword	17-34	66 Muscle	2-handed sword	Successful hit weakens opponent Monster Level -10
peace accordion	17-34	70 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+12 Stench Damage Enables casting of 19-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
star crossbow	17-33	67 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
star staff	17-33	67 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	17-33	67 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
accordionoid rocca	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Damage Reduction: 10 (First Hit Only) Enables casting of 18-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
arse-shooting crossbow	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Grants skill Arse Shoot
coal shovel	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Grants skill Shovel Hot Coal +20 Hot Damage
creepy-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Sleaze Damage Player loses 10 HP due to sleaze at end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
cyber-mattock	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed axe	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters May break in combat
evil-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Spooky Damage Player loses 10 HP due to spooky at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
frigid-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to cold at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
giant discarded plastic fork	16-31	62 Muscle	3-handed staff	Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags +10% Chance of Critical Hit Combat Initiative -10%
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed axe	Weapon Damage +16
hot-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to hot at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
jungle drum	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed drum	+10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Combat Initiative -20%
magilaser blastercannon	16-31	62 Moxie	2-handed laser cannon	Ranged Damage +15 +5 Hot Damage
nasty-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Stench Damage Player loses 10 HP due to stench at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
pewter claymore	16-31	62 Muscle	2-handed sword	Regenerate 6-12 HP and MP per adventure
tommy gun	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Weapon Damage +5 Grants skill Unload Tommy Gun
a butt tuba	15-29	57 Moxie	2-handed horn	+15 Sleaze Damage
automatic catapult	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed autopult
backwoods banjo	15-30	50 Moxie	2-handed banjo	+20% to all Moxie Gains Ranged Damage +40 Maximum HP/MP +200
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed polearm?
bugbear-smiting sword	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to Spazworrier Weapon Damage +10 Muscle +10
C.B.F.G.	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Crimborg Assault Armor +10 Hot Damage +10 Stench Damage
double barreled barrel gun	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed shotgun	Weapon Damage +50% +5% Chance of Critical Hit
drywall axe	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed axe	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
giant needle	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed spear	Monster Level +5
mercenary rifle	15-30	30 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Ranged Damage +20 Combat Initiative +50% Allows the Use of Specialty Ammunition
Radio Free Foil	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia Intrinsic Effect: Shiny Happy Weapon: Muscle +20
toxic mop	15-30	50 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Toxic Togs +10 Stench Damage +20 Damage to Stench Spells
acoustic guitarrr	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+8% Meat from Monsters
armgun	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed machine gun	Weapon Damage + 10 +5% Chance of Critical Hit
black kettle drum	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed drum	Moxie +5 Maximum HP/MP +30
carob cannon	14-27	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +5 Stench Damage
ghost accordion	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+5 Spooky Damage +15% Booze Drops from Monsters Enables casting of 16-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
hairy staff	14-27	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per Adventure
ram-battering staff	14-27	52 Muscle	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
ridiculously huge sword	14-28	55 Muscle	3-handed sword	Weapon Damage +12 Muscle +4
Spirit Precipice	14-27	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 +20% Chance of Critical Hit
autocalliope	13-26	50 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Prismatic Damage +2 Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
bad-ass club	13-26	50 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +15 +10 to Monster Level Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
ga-ga radio	13-25	47 Moxie	2-handed radio	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Weapon Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
Grimacite glaive	13-25	47 Muscle	2-handed polearm	A prize from The Raffle House Weapon Damage +15 Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
hand-carved bow	13-26	30 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +10% Ranged Damage +10 Combat Initiative +20%
hand-carved staff	13-26	30 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +10% Spell Damage +10 Slight Resistance to All Elements (+1)
hot cross bow	13-26	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
lucky ball-and-chain	13-26	50 Moxie	2-handed flail
meatspout staff	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +15% Meat from Monsters
projectile icemaker	13-25	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
shuddersword	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
staph of homophones	13-26	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +5 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	13-26	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Extra Rollover Adventures
asbestos sword	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
bone and arrows	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed bow	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
buffalo blade	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome crossbow	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
giant cheesestick	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
lawnmower blade	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +15
linoleum staff	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
non-Euclidean non-accordion	12-23	42 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Combat Initiative +15% Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
ocarina of space	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed flute	All Attributes +4 Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
ram stick	12-23	42 Muscle	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
two-handed depthsword	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword
Accordion of Jordion	11-21	37 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+5% Item Drops from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters Enables casting of 14-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
asbestos crossbow	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
bone flute	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed flute	+11 Spooky Damage
chrome staff	11-22	40 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
linoleum sword	11-22	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
sack of doorknobs	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed sack
asbestos staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
big stirring stick	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +5
bounty-hunting rifle	10-20	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig +15% Item Drops from Monsters
bow staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux Mysticality +5 Weapon Damage +3
chrome sword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Crimbo sword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds Weapon Damage +5
Crimbomination Contraption	10-20	None	2-handed club
depleted Grimacite hammer	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed club	Monster Level +0-25 based on Grimace darkness Needed for depleted Grimacite smithing
giant candy cane	10-20	None	2-handed staff	+40% Candy from Monsters
goulauncher	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
The Landscaper's leafblower	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed leafblower	+1-25 Monster Level based on number of combats with leafblower equipped
linoleum crossbow	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
Loathing Legion chainsaw	10-20	None	2-handed chainsaw	Weapon Damage +100% Successful hit weakens opponent Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion flamethrower	10-20	None	2-handed flamethrower	+20 Hot Damage Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Moonthril Flamberge	10-20	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Luniform Muscle +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
Moonthril Longbow	10-20	40 Moxie	2-handed bow	Part of the Luniform Moxie +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
plastic nunchaku	10-20	10 Muscle	2-handed flail	+3 Prismatic Damage +30% Combat Initiative
Rain-Doh violet bo	10-20	None	2-handed staff	+11 Sleaze Damage Moxie +11
plastic guitar	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +15%
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	10-20	35 Muscle	3-handed ...weapon	+15% Chance of Critical Hit 3x Fumble Chance
Shakespeare's Sister's Accordion	10-20	None	2-handed accordion	-1 MP to use Skills +5 Smithsness Moxie +X% (+% to Moxie Based on Smithsness) Has a cool Cadenza Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
snow shovel	10-20	None	2-handed polearm	All Attributes +10 Weapon Damage +100%
soylent staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
Staff of Fats	10-20	35 Mysticality	2-handed staff	+5 Pool Skill
Staff of Fats (Actually Ed the Undying)	10-20	35 Mysticality	2-handed staff	+5 Pool Skill
sugar shillelagh	10-20	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +50% Breaks after 30 combats
Super Crimboman Ultra Mega Hypersword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Prismatic Damage +5
tin drum	10-20	None	2-handed drum	Moxie +10% Prismatic Damage +3 +1 Moxie Stat(s) Per Fight
Trusty	10-20	None	2-handed axe	Quest item in AoB run
foot-long hot daub	9-17	27 Muscle	2-handed club	Part of the Hot Daub Ensemble +9 Hot Damage +9 Damage to Hot Spells
icy-hot katana	9-18	30 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
ninja mop	9-18	30 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +5
pentatonic accordion	9-18	30 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+9 Cold Damage Enables casting of 12-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	9-18	15 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to DB combat skills DB's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
Squeezebox of the Ages	9-18	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 AT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn AT buffs Bonus for ATs only
4-dimensional guitar	8-16	50 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +5 +10% Chance of Critical Hit
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear Successful hit weakens opponent
boilgun	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	+8 Hot Damage Maximum MP +10
bone bandoneon	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+7 Spooky Damage Enables casting of 6-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
bubble bauble bow	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Items from Monsters
can cannon	8-15	22 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Weapon Damage +3
clockwork staff	8-16	25 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 +15% Chance of Critical Hit Restore 3-24 MP on Critical hit
clockwork sword	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +10 +15% Chance of Critical Hit Restore 3-24 HP on Critical hit
Crimbo ukulele	8-16	20 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+10% Items from Monsters
crowbarrr	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +15%
elephant stinger	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed spear	Muscle +3 50% chance of poisoning opponent
flypaper staff	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frigid hankyū	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	+6 Cold Damage Moxie +2
frozen nunchaku	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
giant spider leg	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Sleaze +10% Chance of Critical Hit
goblin autoblowgun	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed blowgun	Ranged Damage +5 50% chance of poisoning opponent
goblin hunting spear	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed spear	Weapon Damage +5 +15 Damage vs. Jungle Beasts
rib of the Bonerdagon	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory crossbow	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
savory staff	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
squeaky staff	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
wholeberd	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +6
wiffle-flail	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
25-meat staff	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed staff
flamingo mallet	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed club	+4 to Monster Level +5% Meat from Monsters
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	7-14	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
repeating crossbow	7-13	17 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 +15% Chance of Critical Hit
Totally Gay Claymore	7-14	19 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
accordion file	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
BRICKO sword	6-12	None	2-handed club	Part of the BRICKOfig Outfit Weapon Damage +6
bubblewrap crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
bubblewrap staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
cardboard crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +3
cardboard staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
dense meat staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
eXtreme meat crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
glistening staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	6-12	15 Muscle	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
infernal fife	6-11	12 Moxie	2-handed flute	+7 Hot Damage
Knob Goblin elite polearm	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform Weapon Damage +3
pair of bolt cutters	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed club	Delevels on hit
poutine pole	6-11	12 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
slightly peevedbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed bow
styrofoam crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
astral bludgeon	5-10	None	2-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 +15% Chance of Critical Hit
astral longbow	5-10	None	2-handed bow	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +30% Meat from Monsters
Ax of L'rose	5-10	None	2-handed axe
bal-musette accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+4 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Cajun accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	Maximum HP/MP +15 Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
deathchucks	5-10	10 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +75% +15 to Monster Level
Disco Banjo	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 +3 damage to DB combat skills DB's Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
dripping meat crossbow	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2
dripping meat staff	5-10	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2
gift-a-pult	5-10	None	2-handed giftapult	Allows hurling of Gift Items
guancertina	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+4 Stench Damage Enables casting of 9-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
high-energy mining laser	5-10	None	2-handed rifle	Part of the High-Radiation Mining Gear 2x chance of Fumble +20 Hot Damage
high-temperature mining drill	5-10	None	2-handed drill	Allows Mining in the Velvet / Gold Mine
inflatable baseball bat	5-10	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +30
office-supply crossbow	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Ranged Damage +3
quirky accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+5 to Monster Level Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Red Rover BB gun	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed gun	+15% Chance of Critical Hit On critical, either puts out your eye (All Attributes -10%) or your opponent's
Rock and Roll Legend	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 AT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn AT buffs (all classes) Bonus for ATs only
Skipper's accordion	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+10% Pickpocket Chance Moxie +15% Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
warbear exhaust manifold	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+10 Stench Damage Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for Accordion Thieves only
worm-riding hooks	5-10	None	2-handed club
big bass drum	4-7	2 Moxie	2-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Damage Absorption +8
calavera concertina	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables casting of 7-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
dueling banjo	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +4 +5 Monster Level
half-sized guitar	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +2 Ranged Damage +4
mama's squeezebox	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables casting of 8-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
pocket theremin	4-7	2 Moxie	2-handed theremin	+4 Spooky Damage
pool cue	4-8	None	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
rubber axe	4-8	5 Muscle	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
spooky staff	4-7	2 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
starchy staff	4-8	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
weighted paperclip chain	4-8	None	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +12
amok putter	3-6	None	2-handed club	+9 Hot Damage +9 Cold Damage Combat Initiative +18%
baritone accordion	3-6	None	2-handed accordion	Regenerate 2-4 HP per adventure Enables casting of 7-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Barney's rake	3-5	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Muscle +3
beer-soaked mop	3-6	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Sleaze Damage
grave robbing shovel	3-6	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
out-of-tune biwa	3-6	None	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +2
spooky stick	3-6	None	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
stone banjo	3-5	None	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1
third-hand nunchaku	3-6	7 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3
wooden stakes	3-5	None	2-handed spear	Weapon Damage +1
basic meat crossbow	2-4	5 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1
basic meat staff	2-4	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	2-4	5 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +1
beer-battered accordion	2-4	None	2-handed accordion	+2 Sleaze Damage (Bonus for Accordion Thieves only)
slingshot	2-4	None	2-handed slingshot
soup-chucks	2-3	None	2-handed flail	+2 Hot Damage
antique accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs for all classes
archaeologing shovel	1-2	None	2-handed polearm	Allowed digging at Bigg's Dig
big stick	1-2	None	2-handed staff
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat	1-2	None	2-handed club	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +10 Regenerate 1-3 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-3 MP per adventure Cannot equip in Hardcore
stolen accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables casting of 5-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
toy accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
trash net	1-2	None	2-handed polearm	Quest item
Tales of the Word Realms	0-0	None	2-handed book	Lends Power to Your Words
gnollish nunchaku	N/A	None	2-handed flail	No longer available in game