Weapons (by requirement)

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Revision as of 02:56, 27 December 2007 by imported>Bagatelle (for edit summary, see Talk:Hats)

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Weapons are things adventurers use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

As a general rule, weapons having a Moxie requirement are ranged weapons, using Moxie to calculate Hit Chance, and weapons having a Muscle requirement are melee weapons, using Muscle to calculate hit chance. Weapons with a Mysticality requirement are Mysticality weapons, which also use Muscle to calculate hit chance, but generally give Bonus Spell Damage.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

Name Power Req Hands Notes
antique spear 200 85 Mus 1
Bigger Bugfinder Blade 200 85 Mus 2
  • All Attributes +11
  • Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
cursed cutlass 200 85 Mus 1
fetus-smashing club 200 85 Mus 2 A custom item given to Bashy
duct tape sword 195 82 Mus 1
cast-iron legacy paddle 190 80 Mus 2
giant driftwood sculpture 190 80 Mus 2
Bugfinder Blade 180 75 Mus 2
  • All Attributes +7
  • Awarded to people who find a few bugs
goatskin umbrella 180 75 Mus 1 +15 Stench Damage
plexiglass pike pike 180 75 Mus 2
lead pipe 175 72 Mus 1
perforated battle paddle 175 72 Mus 2 Melee Damage +10
denim axe 170 70 Mus 2
giant foam finger 170 70 Mus 1 Damage Reduction: +3
Maxwell's Silver Hammer 165 67 Mus 1
pygmy spear 165 67 Mus 1 Muscle +7
star staff 165 67 Mus 2 Mysticality +8
star sword 165 67 Mus 2 Muscle +8
Drowsy Sword 171 66 Mus 2
black sword 160 65 Mus 1
giant cactus quill 160 65 Mus 1
pointed stick 160 65 Mus 1
giant discarded plastic fork 155 62 Mus 3
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme 150 60 Mus 2  
bugbear-smiting sword 150 60 Mus 2
drywall axe 150 60 Mus 2
  • All Attributes +2
  • All Attributes +3%
giant needle 150 60 Mus 2 Monster Level +5
grassy cutlass 150 60 Mus 1 Melee Damage +11
heteroerotic frat-paddle 150 60 Mus 1 A custom item given to Mr Skullhead
immense cyborg hand 150 60 Mus 1
Radio Free Foil 150 60 Mus 2
witty rapier 150 60 Mus 1
batblade 145 57 Mus 1 Melee Damage +15
ridiculously huge sword 140 55 Mus 3
vibrating cyborg knife 150 55 Mus 1
broken sword 135 52 Mus 1 Slight Spooky Resistance
ram-battering staff 135 52 Mus 2
star stiletto 135 52 Mus 1 Muscle +5
titanium assault umbrella 130 50 Mus 1 Slight Resistance to All Elements
curmudgel 125 47 Mus 1
Grimacite glaive 125 47 Mus 2
pitchfork 125 47 Mus 1 Melee Damage +9
asbestos sword 120 45 Mus 2
buffalo blade 120 45 Mus 2
giant cheesestick 120 45 Mus 2
hairy staff 135 45 Mus 2
linoleum staff 120 45 Mus 2
meatspout staff 125 45 Mus 2
shuddersword 125 45 Mus 2
smoldering staff 125 45 Mus 2
Spirit Precipice 135 45 Mus 2
sword behind inappropriate prepositions 130 45 Mus 2
two-handed depthsword 120 45 Mus 2  
lupine sword 115 42 Mus 1 +9 Spooky Damage
ram stick 115 42 Mus 2 Moxie +5
serpentine sword 115 42 Mus 1 Monster Level +10
chrome staff 110 40 Mus 2
linoleum sword 110 40 Mus 2
asbestos staff 100 35 Mus 2
bamboo bokuto 100 35 Mus 1  
bow staff 100 35 Mus 2
chrome sword 100 35 Mus 2
Crimbo sword 100 35 Mus 2
duck-on-a-string 100 35 Mus 1
Mafia violin case 100 35 Mus 1
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon 100 35 Mus 3
roboduck-on-a-string 100 35 Mus 1
soylent staff 100 35 Mus 2
spiked femur 100 35 Mus 1 +6 Spooky Damage
Super Magic Power Sword X 100 35 Mus 1
time sword 100 35 Mus 1
Tropical Crimbo Sword 100 35 Mus 1
vampire duck-on-a-string 100 35 Mus 1
Brimstone Bludgeon 200 30 Mus 1
icy-hot katana 90 30 Mus 2
kneecapping stick 90 30 Mus 1 3x Critical Hit Chance
ninja mop 90 30 Mus 2 Melee Damage +5
stainless steel shillelagh 90 30 Mus 1
vorpal blade 90 30 Mus 1
7-Foot Dwarven mattock 80 25 Mus 2
clockwork sword 80 25 Mus 2
crazy bastard sword 125 25 Mus 1
crowbarrr 80 25 Mus 2 Combat Initiative +15%
flypaper staff 80 25 Mus 2
frozen nunchaku 80 25 Mus 2
grass blade 80 25 Mus 1
rib of the Bonerdagon 80 25 Mus 2
rusty grave robbing shovel 80 25 Mus 2
savory staff 80 25 Mus 2 Mysticality +4
savory sword 80 25 Mus 1 Muscle +4
spooky bicycle chain 80 25 Mus 1
wholeberd 80 25 Mus 2 Melee Damage +6
squeaky staff 75 22 Mus 2
sword of static 75 22 Mus 1
wiffle-flail 75 22 Mus 2
25-meat staff 70 20 Mus 2  
flaming cardboard sword 70 20 Mus 1
Frost™ brand sword 70 20 Mus 1
homoerotic frat-paddle 70 20 Mus 1
Kentucky-fried meat staff 70 20 Mus 2 Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword 70 20 Mus 2 Muscle +5
Totally Gay Claymore 69 19 Mus 2 A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
bubblewrap staff 60 15 Mus 2
bubblewrap sword 60 15 Mus 1
cardboard staff 60 15 Mus 2
cardboard sword 60 15 Mus 1
Chelonian Morningstar 90 15 Mus 1
dense meat staff 60 15 Mus 2 Mysticality +3
dense meat sword 60 15 Mus 2 Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane 60 15 Mus 1
eXtreme meat staff 60 15 Mus 2 Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword 60 15 Mus 2 Muscle +7
flaming crutch 60 15 Mus 1 +3 Hot Damage
glistening staff 60 15 Mus 2
Gnollish autoplunger 60 15 Mus 3 Mysticality +3
Hammer of Smiting 90 15 Mus 1
Knob Goblin elite polearm 60 15 Mus 2
muculent machete 60 15 Mus 1
sabre teeth 60 15 Mus 1 Melee Damage +4
styrofoam staff 60 15 Mus 2
styrofoam sword 60 15 Mus 1
wooden axe 60 15 Mus 2 Muscle +3
poutine pole 55 12 Mus 2
balloon sword 50 10 Mus 1
Bjorn's Hammer 50 10 Mus 1
dripping meat staff 50 10 Mus 2 Mysticality +2
dripping meat sword 50 10 Mus 1 Muscle +2
Mace of the Tortoise 50 10 Mus 1
obsidian dagger 30 10 Mus 1
pestoblade 50 10 Mus 1
pixel sword 50 10 Mus 1
Unionize The Elves sign 50 10 Mus 1
Gnollish nunchaku 45 7 Mus 2
basic meat staff 20 5 Mus 2 Mysticality +1
basic meat sword 20 5 Mus 2 Muscle +1
dreadlock whip 40 5 Mus 1
rubber axe 40 5 Mus 2 +2 Sleaze Damage
starchy staff 40 5 Mus 2 Mysticality +3
starchy sword 40 5 Mus 1 Muscle +3
suede shortsword 40 5 Mus 1  
white sword 40 5 Mus 1 Muscle +2
Dr. Hobo's scalpel 35 2 Mus 1
Gnollish flyswatter 35 2 Mus 1  
Gnollish plunger 35 2 Mus 1  
spooky staff 35 2 Mus 2
asparagus knife 15 0 Mus 1 +1 Stench Damage
bar whip 10 0 Mus 1 +2 to Familiar Weight
bat whip 30 0 Mus 1
big stick 10 0 Mus 2  
bucket of anniversary lard 10 0 Mus 1 All Attributes +1
cardboard katana 30 0 Mus 1 Melee Damage +3
cardboard wakizashi 30 0 Mus 1 Damage Reduction: +2
chisel 10 0 Mus 1  
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife 30 0 Mus 1 Restore 0-2 MP on successful hit
clown hammer 10 0 Mus 1 Squeaky!
clown whip 10 0 Mus 1 So-So Sleaze Resistance
cool whip 10 0 Mus 1  
costume sword 10 0 Mus 1
demon whip 10 0 Mus 1
dishrag 20 0 Mus 1 +3 Stench Damage
gnauga hide whip 20 0 Mus 1
grave robbing shovel 30 0 Mus 2
halfberd 30 0 Mus 1 Melee Damage +2
hippo whip 20 0 Mus 1 Monster Level +10
huge mirror shard 30 0 Mus 1 Melee Damage +5
ice sickle 100 0 Mus 1
Knob Goblin scimitar 15 0 Mus 1 Muscle +1
little paper umbrella 30 0 Mus 1 Spell Damage +1
palm-frond whip 25 0 Mus 1
penguin whip 20 0 Mus 1 +3% Meat from Monsters
pool cue 40 0 Mus 2 Moxie +3
rattail whip 30 0 Mus 1
scorpion whip 20 0 Mus 1
seal-clubbing club 10 0 Mus 1  
skeleton bone 30 0 Mus 1 +1 Spooky Damage
spooky stick 30 0 Mus 2 +2 Spooky Damage
sweet ninja sword 20 0 Mus 1  
tail o' nine cats 30 0 Mus 1
tiny ninja sword 20 0 Mus 1 Moxie +1
tiny plastic sword 10 0 Mus 1 Moxie +1
Wand of Nagamar 30 0 Mus 1  
white whip 10 0 Mus 1 +1 Stat Gains from Fights
wooden stakes 25 0 Mus 2 Melee Damage +1
worm-riding hooks 50 0 Mus 2  
yak whip 20 0 Mus 1 Successful hit weakens opponent
Name Power Req Hands Notes
Staff of the Grand Flambé 10 125 Mys 1
Staff of the Grease Trap 10 125 Mys 1
Staff of the Kitchen Floor 10 125 Mys 1
Staff of the Walk-In Freezer 10 125 Mys 1
Mjolnir Jr. 200 85 Mys 1 A custom item given to Thor the Mighty
war tongs 180 75 Mys 1
star spatula 150 60 Mys 1 Spell Damage +15
silver shrimp fork 120 45 Mys 1
iron pasta spoon 110 40 Mys 1 Spell Damage +10
oversized pizza cutter 100 35 Mys 1 Spell Damage +13
huge spoon 90 30 Mys 1 Spell Damage +10
clockwork staff 80 25 Mys 2
Knob Goblin melon baller 80 25 Mys 1 Spell Damage +8
chopsticks 75 23 Mys 1
Staff of the Greasefire 10 20 Mys 1
17-alarm Saucepan 90 15 Mys 1
filthy pestle 60 15 Mys 1 Spell Damage +7
Greek Pasta of Peril 90 15 Mys 1
Staff of Blood and Pudding 10 15 Mys 1
Staff of the Midnight Snack 10 15 Mys 1
Staff of the Short Order Cook 10 15 Mys 1
5-Alarm Saucepan 50 10 Mys 1
Pasta of Peril 50 10 Mys 1
basic meat spork 45 7 Mys 1
jack flapper 35 2 Mys 1 Spell Damage +5
cheap plastic bottle opener 30 0 Mys 1 +2 Sleaze Damage
corn holder 20 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +1
eggbeater 25 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +2
Gnollish pie server 20 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +3
Gnollish slotted spoon 25 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +3
Knob Goblin spatula 30 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +4
Knob Goblin tongs 20 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +2
pasta spoon 10 0 Mys 1  
Periodical Paintbrush 100 0 Mys 1
  • A prize item given to winners of the first calendar art contest
  • All Attributes +0-25%
  • Boost based on Grimace darkness
  • Cannot equip in Hardcore
portable corkscrew 30 0 Mys 1
saucepan 10 0 Mys 1 Enables the casting of 5-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes)
shiny butcherknife 30 0 Mys 1 Spell Damage +5
spork 30 0 Mys 1 Muscle +2


Name Power Req Hands Notes
Zim Merman's guitar 200 85 Mox 2 Ranged Damage +20
beer-a-pult 190 80 Mox 3
beer bong 190 80 Mox 1
fire poi 190 80 Mox 2
massive sitar 190 80 Mox 2
didgeridooka 180 75 Mox 2 Moxie +9
toy ray gun 175 72 Mox 1
happiness 165 67 Mox 1 +12 Hot Damage
star crossbow 165 67 Mox 2
arse-shooting crossbow 160 65 Mox 2
yohohoyo 160 65 Mox 1
automatic catapult 150 60 Mox 2  
C.B.F.G. 150 60 Mox 2
armed gun 140 55 Mox 2
star boomerang 135 52 Mox 1 Moxie +5
lucky ball-and-chain 130 50 Mox 2  
ga-ga radio 125 47 Mox 2
carob cannon 135 45 Mox 2
chrome crossbow 120 45 Mox 2
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr 120 45 Mox 2 Melee Damage +11
hot cross bow 130 45 Mox 2
potato pistol 120 45 Mox 1
projectile icemaker 125 45 Mox 2
asbestos crossbow 110 40 Mox 2
Grimacite gat 150 40 Mox 1
sack of doorknobs 110 40 Mox 2  
acoustic guitarrr 100 35 Mox 2 +2% Meat from Monsters
can of fake snow 100 35 Mox 1
goulauncher 100 35 Mox 2
linoleum crossbow 100 35 Mox 2
prehistoric spear 100 35 Mox 1 2x Critical Hit Chance
Cerebral Crossbow 90 30 Mox 1
bounty-hunting rifle 100 25 Mox 2
bubble bauble bow 80 25 Mox 2
clockwork crossbow 80 25 Mox 1
lead yo-yo 80 25 Mox 1  
savory crossbow 80 25 Mox 2
can cannon 75 22 Mox 2
Crimbo ukelele 80 20 Mox 2 +10% Items from Monsters
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow 70 20 Mox 2
grease gun 65 17 Mox 1
repeating crossbow 65 17 Mox 2
bubblewrap crossbow 60 15 Mox 2
cardboard crossbow 60 15 Mox 2
dense meat crossbow 60 15 Mox 2
eXtreme meat crossbow 60 15 Mox 2
ratarang 60 15 Mox 1
Shagadelic Disco Banjo 90 15 Mox 2
slightly peevedbow 60 15 Mox 2  
Squeezebox of the Ages 90 15 Mox 2
styrofoam crossbow 60 15 Mox 2
can of maces 50 10 Mox 1
Disco Banjo 50 10 Mox 2
dripping meat crossbow 50 10 Mox 2
Rock and Roll Legend 50 10 Mox 2
curdflinger 45 7 Mox 1
basic meat crossbow 20 5 Mox 2
calavera concertina 40 5 Mox 2
  • Moxie +3
  • Enables the casting of 7-turn AT buffs (all classes)
starchy crossbow 40 5 Mox 1
bottle-rocket crossbow 100 0 Mox 1
disco ball 10 0 Mox 1  
flaming juggler's balls 100 0 Mox 1
slingshot 20 0 Mox 2  
stolen accordion 10 0 Mox 2 Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
stone banjo 25 0 Mox 2 Moxie +1


Equipment Lists
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Weapons (Melee | Mysticality | Ranged | One-Handed | Two-handed / Three-handed)