User:AstronautGuy/Ascension Quests Breakdown
From A KoL Wiki
This page is intended to describe Council quest requirements and methods of completing quests in fewer turns, towards the goal of finishing Ascensions faster and/or placing on Leaderboards.
For each quest, there will be a list of requirements to start the quest, the tasks needed to finish it, interspaced with turn-saving methods, and the rewards given for completion. Ascension paths may change any of these quest aspects.
Locations mentioned on this page may have a parenthetical note attached, containing quest-relevant zone parameters. These numbers do not include special encounters.
- Examples:
- The Goatlet (3 monsters)
- The Black Forest (5 monsters, 95% combat)
- A Mob of Zeppelin Protesters (5 monsters, 90% combat, 3 non-combats)
- Sonofa Beach (10% combat)
Turn-saving methods described on this page fall into one of Consistency, Shortcuts, or Miscellaneous, each with its own icon. No category is inherently "better" than others - each quest has different ways of finishing faster, for different returns in turn-saving, and sometimes competing with resources to accomplish these results.
Consistency ( )
|
For means of reducing variance (RNG) while questing, which reduces turns spent on a quest, on average. It is possible to achieve a "perfect RNG" outcome with or without these methods, but these methods make it more likely.
Example: Using bonus Item Drops to raise a drop rate to 100%, ensuring that item always drops. |
Shortcuts ( )
|
For means of finishing quest tasks in fewer turns, fewer than could be achieved by RNG alone.
Example: Pulling a relevant item from Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage, passing a quest step without spending Adventures. |
Miscellaneous ( )
|
For other means that do not fit well into the other categories, such as quality of life improvements, or interactions that may help in a different task or quest.
Example: While unlocking The Haunted Ballroom, picking up a |
Limited-time content will be mentioned for specific quest interactions, and will include the year that this content became unavailable. Under Standard restrictions, imposed in Standard and current special challenge path runs while in Ronin or Hardcore, limited-time content from more than two calendar years earlier is unavailable.
Information provided on this page comes from this wiki, and chat and forum discussions, and assumes a basic familiarity of game and quest mechanics. Each section links to the main quest page, providing more details and quest spoilers.
Common Quest Themes
These general tasks are common amongst many different quests, and can use the same approaches. Turn-saving methods described here apply to specific tasks, described later on this page. Some quests use more than one of these themes in a single step.
Items and Item Drops
Several quests have steps that may require an item dropped by a monster to progress. Drop rates listed on this page are base drop rates. These methods apply to any task that mentions drop rates.
: Increasing bonus Item Drops decreases the average number of encounters against a monster for a certain item drop.- : A yellow ray or similar effect ensures all of a monster's non-conditional item drops, with conditional items using their usual odds.
- : (2017) Having the effect What Are The Odds!? from a
perfectly fair coin forces the game to always roll a 50 for item drop rolls, lowering the threshold to ensure an item drops. - /
: Pickpocket and other item-stealing methods can steal one item per combat. - : Non-quest items can be pulled from storage, bypassing the need to acquire them through Adventuring.
Non-combat Encounters
Several quests require encountering certain non-combats to progress. Similarly, some quest locations have non-combats that do not add progress. These methods apply to any task that mentions a zone's base combat rate.
- : Decreasing/increasing Combat Frequency makes non-combat encounters more/less likely - both cases have uses, depending on the location.
- : The following items force the next Adventure to be a non-combat or scheduled encounter:
- (2016) Using
Clara's bell (once per day) - (2017) Spleening a
stench jelly or eating a 
toast with stench jelly - (2019) Spleening Sneakisol from
Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
- (2016) Using
Delay and Scheduled Encounters
Several quests require certain encounters that are not available until a certain number of turns are spent in a zone. If an encounter has a "delay of X", it cannot appear until X turns are spent in its zone. Scheduled and periodic encounters are similar, being different in that they will appear after X turns (regularly reoccurring if periodic). In a given zone, non-combats that take an Adventure and resolved combats (win, lose, run) count as turns spent there, while non-combats that do not take an Adventure do not. These methods apply to any task that mentions "delay", "scheduled", and "periodic".
- : Free runaways and free fights in a zone count toward turns spent there, without actually using Adventures.
- : (2016) Spleening a
turkey blaster increases turns spent in the last zone by 5 (up to three uses per day). - : The same items listed for Non-combat Encounters also work for Scheduled and Periodic Non-combat Encounters, but not Delay.
: Wandering monsters in a zone count toward turns spent there.
Encounter Manipulation
Several quests involve Adventuring in zones with multiple possible encounters, but not all of them are useful for progress. For example, not all monsters in a zone drop a needed item, or a specific monster must be defeated X times. The Adventure Queue page provides more details on encounter rates, based on previous encounters. These methods apply to any task that mentions a zone's number of monsters and/or non-combats.
- : Banishing an undesired monster prevents it from appearing for a certain number of Adventures.
- : Tracking a monster with On the Trail adds 3 copies to the list of possible combats for its zone(s), and removes Queue rejection on it, both making that monster more common. There are other effects that similarly add monster copies to their zones, with or without affecting Queue rejection.
- * : (2020) Using the non-combat skill Map the Monsters makes the next zone encounter a choice of combat with any normal monster in that zone (up to three uses per day).
- /: Copying forces a fight with a previously seen monster.
- (2020*) A Fax Machine and similar copying methods can fight copiable monsters that were not previously seen that run, for a wider range of targets.
Requirements
- Level 1 (main stat: 1)
Tasks
- Talk with The Toot Oriole to complete the quest.
Rewards
letter from King Ralph XI, which contains:
Requirements
- Level 2 (main stat: 5)
Tasks
- Adventure in The Spooky Forest (85% combat) for the non-combat Arboreal Respite, to acquire a
mosquito larva (quest item).
- : Arboreal Respite has a delay of 5.
- Return to The Council of Loathing to complete the quest.
Rewards
500 Meat- mosquito larva (if no Mosquito in terrarium)
Requirements
- Level 3 (main stat: 8)
- Spooky Forest Quest completed
Tasks
- Talk with Bart Ender to unlock the Tavern Cellar.
- : A Suspicious-Looking Guy gives one free
bottle of goofballs per Ascension, and sells more at an increasing price.
- Explore the Tavern Cellar (85% combat, 4 non-combats) for the special non-combat Of Course!.
- : Each normal non-combat has a hidden choice to skip it, revealed with +20 elemental damage of one element (out of Hot, Cold, Stench, Spooky).
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography reveals 2 darkness squares in the Cellar when visiting for the first time.
- : The Drunken rat king has an encounter rate of
(bonus Monster Level)/300, and drops a
tangle of rat tails. Using this item on a tomb rat changes it into a tomb rat king, which drops up to 
3 tomb ratchets (20% each).
- Return to Bart Ender to complete the quest.
Rewards
Requirements
- Level 4 (main stat: 13)
Tasks
- Unlock the three closed-off sections in The Bat Hole, using one or a combination of the following methods:
- Using a
sonar-in-a-biscuit from inventory unlocks one sidezone. This is a 10% or 15% drop from monsters in the three central zones in The Bat Hole.
- : Adventuring in Guano Junction with a
ten-leaf clover yields 2 sonars-in-a-biscuit, if no others are in inventory. - : (2015) The 5-combat Hallowiener Dog encounter in the Guano Junction drops a sonar-in-a-biscuit.
- : (2019) Eating a
diabolic pizza made with a combat item may yield 1 sonar-in-a-biscuit. - : The Giant Trash Quest requires an
enchanted bean, a 50% drop from the beanbat in Beanbat Chamber (3 monsters).
- Defeating a screambat unlocks one sidezone. The screambat appears in zones that drop sonars-in-a-biscuit, as the 9th overall encounter and every 8 encounters after that.
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography allows the first non-combat here to lead to a screambat fight.
- : (2014) Using a
snow shovel unlocks all three sidezones.
- Using a
- Adventure in The Boss Bat's Lair and defeat the Boss Bat.
- : The Boss Bat has a delay of 4-6, rolled randomly each Ascension.
- Return to the Council of Loathing to complete the quest.
Rewards
batskin belt
dense meat stack- Monster Aggravation Devices-specific:
- Set to 4:
Boss Bat britches - Set to 8:
Boss Bat bling
- Set to 4:
Requirements
- Level 5 (main stat: 20)
Tasks
- Adventure in The Outskirts of Cobb's Knob for the special non-combat Code Red, yielding the
Knob Goblin encryption key (quest item).
- : Code Red is scheduled as the 11th encounter here, and can occur before starting this quest.
- : Up In Their Grill has a delay of 5, for Seal Clubbers and Turtle Tamers looking to join their Guild.
- Use
Cobb's Knob map to unlock Cobb's Knob. - Gain access to the Throne Room, using one of the following routes:
- Harem Girl route: Wear the Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise (2 piece outfit) and have the Knob Goblin Perfume effect active.
- Both outfit pieces are 20% drops from the Knob Goblin Harem Girl in Cobb's Knob Harem (3 monsters).
- The Perfume effect has the following sources:
Knob Goblin perfume, a 25% drop from the Knob Goblin Madam, also in the Harem.- Adventuring in the Harem with the Harem outfit gives 1 turn of the effect.
- : Calculate the Universe with a result of 9 gives 100 turns of the effect.
- Elite Guard route: Wear the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform (3 piece outfit) and have a
Knob cake (quest item) in inventory.
- The outfit pieces are 10% drops in Cobb's Knob Barracks (3 monsters, 85% combat), and the non-combat here drops a piece that is not in inventory.
- : The Knob Goblin Elite Guard Captain, a semi-rare encounter in the Barracks and Kitchens, drops all 3 pieces at 100% rate.
- The Knob cake's ingredients come from wearing the Elite Guard outfit and Adventuring in Cobb's Knob Kitchens three times. One of the crafting steps is Fancy cooking, and requires a
Dramatic™ range and one Adventure.
- : Having free crafting avoids this Adventure cost.
- The outfit pieces are 10% drops in Cobb's Knob Barracks (3 monsters, 85% combat), and the non-combat here drops a piece that is not in inventory.
- Harem Girl route: Wear the Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise (2 piece outfit) and have the Knob Goblin Perfume effect active.
- Enter the Throne Room and defeat the Knob Goblin King to complete the quest.
Rewards
- 2 dense meat stacks
Cobb's Knob lab key (if not already found)- Monster Aggravation Devices-specific:
- Set to 3:
Glass Balls of the Goblin King - Set to 7:
Codpiece of the Goblin King - Otherwise:
Crown of the Goblin King
- Set to 3:
Requirements
- Level 6 (main stat: 29)
Tasks
- Adventure in the three zones in the Copse of the Deep Fat Friars for the following quest items:
dodecagram: The Dark Neck of the Woods (3 monsters, 95% combat)
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography allows the first non-combat here to skip the first two quest non-combats here.
- : The
ruby W is a 30% drop from the W imp.
box of birthday candles: The Dark Heart of the Woods (95% combat)
eldritch butterknife: The Dark Elbow of the Woods (95% combat)- In each of these zones, there are four non-combats that occur in a fixed order, the last one dropping the needed quest item. In addition to responding to Combat Frequency modifiers, the next non-combat is guaranteed to occur if 5 encounters in the zone have passed without any non-combats.
- With these three items, perform the ritual at the Deep Fat Friars' Gate to complete the quest.
Rewards
- Access to Pandamonium and the Azazel, Ma Belle quest
- Once per day, talking to one of the Friars grants 20 turns of one of the following effects:
- Brother Flying Burrito's Blessing: +30% Food Drops
- Brother Corsican's Blessing: +2 Familiar Experience per Fight
- Brother Smothers's Blessing: +30% Booze Drops
Requirements
- Level 7 (main stat: 40)
Tasks
- Adventure in the four zones in The Cyrpt and defeat the miniboss in each one, which appears after clearing 25 or more Evil from a zone. Cyrpt monsters clear 1 Evil from their native zone when defeated.
- The Defiled Nook (3 monsters): giant skeelton
- : The spiny skelelton and toothy sklelton may drop an
evil eye (20%), which clears 3 Evil from the Nook when used. - : (2015) The 5-combat Hallowiener Dog encounter here drops 3 evil eyes.
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography allows the first non-combat here to drop 2 evil eyes.
- The Defiled Cranny (2 monsters, 85% combat): huge ghuol
- : The non-combat Death Rattlin' has a choice to fight a swarm of ghuol whelps, which clears
√(bonus Monster Level)Evil from the Cranny (randomly rounded, minimum of 3 Evil). - : The gaunt ghuol has a 10% chance of dropping a
dieting pill.
- The Defiled Niche (4 monsters): gargantulihc
- : The dirty old lihc clears 3 Evil when defeated, instead of 1.
- The Defiled Alcove (85% combat): conjoined zmombie
- : The modern zmobie clears 5 Evil when defeated, instead of 1. This is not a normal monster, instead using an encounter rate of
[15 + (bonus Initiative)/10]%.- : This roll occurs before the combat/non-combat roll, so decreasing Combat Frequency indirectly improves the modern zmobie encounter rate.
- : The following items also clear Evil:
- (2014) Using a
solid gold rosary clears 4-5 Evil from each zone. - (2015) A glowing lovebug may occasionally appear and clear an extra 1 Evil after combat.
- (2016) An equipped
gravy boat clears an extra 1 Evil after combat. - (2018) Spleening a
Nightmare Fuel clears an extra 2 Evil after the next combat won.
- (2014) Using a
- : In the Nook and Alcove,
loose teeth and 
skeleton bone are common drops, and components for 
skeleton keys, used in the The Daily Dungeon and Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door.
- The Defiled Nook (3 monsters): giant skeelton
- After clearing all four zones, defeat the Bonerdagon to complete the quest.
Rewards
skull of the Bonerdagon
chest of the Bonerdagon, which contains:
- 3,000 Meat
- 150 of each substat
- Monster Aggravation Devices-specific:
- Set to 5:
rib of the Bonerdagon - Set to 10:
vertebra of the Bonerdagon
- Set to 5:
Requirements
- Level 8 (main stat: 53)
Tasks
- Talk with John the Trapper, who needs 3 wedges of goat cheese and 3 chunks of ore, out of asbestos, chrome, or linoleum.
- Acquire
3 wedges of goat cheese:
- Goat cheese is a 40% drop from the dairy goat in The Goatlet (3 monsters).
- : The dairy goat also drops
glass of goat's milk (20%), for crafting milk of magnesium.
- : (2019) Eating a diabolic pizza made with a "milk" or "cheese" item yields 3 wedges of goat cheese.
- Goat cheese is a 40% drop from the dairy goat in The Goatlet (3 monsters).
- Acquire 3 chunks of the requested ore:
- While wearing Mining Gear or under the Earthen Fist effect, mining a twinkly section of Inside of Itznotyerzitz Mine may yield ore.
- The outfit pieces drop in Itznotyerzitz Mine (3 monsters, 90% combat), from the non-combats, as 9% drops from each monster, and as 100% drops from the 7-Foot Dwarf Foreman, a semi-rare encounter.
- : (2010) The first 5 minings per day with Unaccompanied Miner do not cost an Adventure.
- : Mining may produce a
loadstone, usable in the Orc Chasm Quest.
- The three types of ore form a zap group: zapping one changes it into another type of ore.
- : Adventuring in Itznotyerzitz Mine with a ten-leaf clover yields 1 of each ore type.
- : (2015) Drawing the "Mine" card produces 1 of each ore type.
- : (2020*) The mountain man can drop up to 2 of each ore type (40% and 10%). This combat is available through fax-like copying methods.
- While wearing Mining Gear or under the Earthen Fist effect, mining a twinkly section of Inside of Itznotyerzitz Mine may yield ore.
- Acquire
- Return to the Trapper with the items.
- Find a way to The Mist-Shrouded Peak:
- Extreme route: While wearing eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear, Adventure in The eXtreme Slope (3 monsters, 95% combat) until encountering the 3 extreme non-combats.
- The outfit pieces drop here, from the non-combats, and as 10% drops from each monster.
- Ninja route: Acquire
ninja rope, 
ninja crampons, and 
ninja carabiner.
- The ninja snowman assassin drops one of these items when defeated (in order, skipping ones already in inventory), and appears in the Lair of the Ninja Snowmen with an encounter rate of
[C/200 + T×0.015]%, whereCis bonus Combat Frequency andTis turns spent in this zone. The assassin also appears on the 11th, 21st, and 31st turn in the Lair, with any bonus increased Combat Frequency.
- The ninja snowman assassin drops one of these items when defeated (in order, skipping ones already in inventory), and appears in the Lair of the Ninja Snowmen with an encounter rate of
- Extreme route: While wearing eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear, Adventure in The eXtreme Slope (3 monsters, 95% combat) until encountering the 3 extreme non-combats.
- With at least 5 Cold Resistance and either of those routes completed, climb The Mist-Shrouded Peak.
- Defeat 3 panicking Knott Yetis, then defeat Groar.
- Return to the Trapper to complete the quest.
Rewards
- 5 dense meat stacks
- One hat, based on main stat:
- Muscle:
fuzzy busby - Mysticality:
fuzzy earmuffs - Moxie:
fuzzy montera
- Muscle:
- Access to The Icy Peak
Requirements
- Level 9 (main stat: 68)
Tasks
- Build a bridge across The Orc Chasm, which requires 30 units of lumber and 30 fasteners (quest items), available from the following methods:
- The normal monsters of The Smut Orc Logging Camp drop one lumber or fastener (100%) and drop the other type (10%).
- Equipping a
logging hatchet (from Little Canadia) adds a 50% chance to drop another lumber, and equipping a loadstone adds a 50% chance to drop another fastener. - The special non-combat Blech House appears after defeating enough normal monsters here with excess Cold damage - overkilling with at least 5 times their HP makes this encounter appear after three combats. Blech House drops 3-14 bridge parts, scaling with Muscle and Bonus Weapon Damage, Mysticality and Bonus Spell Damage, or Moxie and Sleaze Resistance.
- (2015) A love carpenter ant may occasionally appear and drop another bridge part.
- Equipping a
- Using a
smut orc keepsake box produces 5 lumber and 5 fasteners. The box drops from the smut orc pervert, which appears as the 21st encounter in the Camp and every 20 encounters after that, and (2020) also as a possible pocket outcome from 
Cargo Cultist Shorts. - Adventuring here with a ten-leaf clover yields 3 lumber and 3 fasteners.
- (2014) A
fancy oil painting adds 10 lumber and 10 fasteners. - (2014) A pair of
snow boards adds 5 lumber and 5 fasteners. - (2016) Using a
fish hatchet yields 5 lumber and 5 fasteners, once per day. - (2017) A
bridge truss adds 15 lumber and 15 fasteners.
- The normal monsters of The Smut Orc Logging Camp drop one lumber or fastener (100%) and drop the other type (10%).
- Light a signal fire in A-Boo Peak, Twin Peak, and Oil Peak - these can be done in any order.
- A-boo Peak (5 monsters): Reduce the hauntedness from 98% to 0%, then light the signal fire.
- Each ghost defeated reduces hauntedness by 2%, and may drop an A-Boo clue (15%).
- Using an A-Boo clue causes the next Adventure here to be The Horror... (A-Boo Peak), a series of increasing HP loss tests that reduce hauntedness by 30% total if fully survived. Cold Resistance and Spooky Resistance both reduce HP loss sustained.
- Adventuring here with a ten-leaf clover yields 2 A-Boo clues.
- Adventuring here with a
- The Dusken Raider Ghost may drop a
Duskwalker syringe (15%), which produces a 
bubblin' crude when used on Oil Peak monsters. - : The Whatsian Commando Ghost may drop a
T.U.R.D.S. Key (15%), which is a free runaway when used against ghosts.
- Each ghost defeated reduces hauntedness by 2%, and may drop an
- Twin Peak (8 monsters, 85% combat): Solve the mystery.
- Adventure here until encountering Lost in the Great Overlook Lodge 4 times and passing a test each time:
- Have 4 Stench Resistance or more
- Have +50% total Item Drops and Food Drops or more
- Have a
jar of oil (quest item, made from 12 bubblin' crude) - Have +40% Initiative or more
- : (2016) Using a
codpiece yields 8 bubblin' crudes, once per day. - Using a
rusty hedge trimmers, a 15% drop from the 3 topiary animals here, also leads to Lost in the Great Overlook Lodge.
- Adventure here until encountering Lost in the Great Overlook Lodge 4 times and passing a test each time:
- Oil Peak: Reduce the pressure from 310.66 µB/Hg (equal to 49 oil slicks) to 0 by defeating monsters here, then light the signal fire.
- Different ranges of bonus Monster Level affect monster encounters here and their pressure reduction and possible bubblin' crude drops:
- +0-19: oil slick - 6.34 pressure (1/49), 1 bubblin' crude (100%)
- +20-49: oil tycoon - 19.02 pressure (3/49), 1-2 bubblin' crude (100%, 10%)
- +50-99: oil baron - 31.7 pressure (5/49), 1-2 bubblin' crude (100%, 30%)
- +100 or more: oil cartel - 63.4 pressure (10/49), 1-3 bubblin' crude (100%, 30%, 10%)
- : As a cooking ingredient, bubblin' crude drops are also improved by bonus Food Drops.
- Wearing
dress pants (5% drop from Bubblemint Twins in Twin Peak) reduces an additional 6.34 pressure (1/49) after combat. - (2015) A love oil beetle may occasionally appear and reduce an additional 6.34 pressure (1/49) after combat.
- (2017) Having Driving Wastefully reduces an additional 6.34 pressure (1/49) after combat.
- Different ranges of bonus Monster Level affect monster encounters here and their pressure reduction and possible
- /: (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography makes the first non-combat in A-boo Peak a choice that leads to The Horror... (A-boo Peak), Lost in the Great Overlook Lodge (Twin Peak), or an oil baron (Oil Peak).
- A-boo Peak (5 monsters): Reduce the hauntedness from 98% to 0%, then light the signal fire.
- After lighting all three signal fires, talk to Black Angus to complete the quest.
Rewards
- One back item, based on main stat:
- Muscle:
Misty Cloak - Mysticality: Misty Robe
- Moxie: Misty Cape
- Muscle:
gold wedding ring, for solving Twin Peak's mystery
Requirements
- Level 10 (main stat: 85)
Tasks
- Grow The Beanstalk by using or planting an enchanted bean.
- Adventure in The Penultimate Fantasy Airship (6 monsters, 80% combat) to acquire the following quest items:
Tissue Paper Immateria
Gauze Immateria
Tin Foil Immateria
Plastic Wrap Immateria
S.O.C.K.
- : These items have a respective delay of 5, 10, 15, 20, and 25, also requiring the previous item in the sequence.
- : The following items are optional - not required for this step, but may be useful later:
amulet of extreme plot significance, a 10% drop from the Quiet Healer
Mohawk wig, a 10% drop from the Burly Sidekick
titanium assault umbrella, a 10% drop from the Spunky Princess
model airship (quest item), from the normal non-combat Random Lack of an Encounter
soft green echo eyedrop antidote, a 30% drop from the Quiet Healer, a 20% drop from the Irritating Series of Random Encounters, and a possible drop from a 
Penultimate Fantasy chest, from the normal non-combat
metallic A, a 30% drop from the MagiMechTech MechaMech
- : The normal non-combat here has a choice that leads to combat against a monster from this zone. With less than +20 bonus Monster Level, this will be any of the 4 dude-type monsters, and with +20 or more, it will always be a MechaMech.
- Adventure in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Basement) (4 monsters, 95% combat) to unlock the Ground Floor through one of the choice non-combats:
- Fitness choice: "Check out the Mirror" with amulet of extreme plot significance equipped
- Furry choice: "Crawl Through the Heating Duct" with titanium assault umbrella equipped
- Neckbeard choice: "Check out the Dumbwaiter" with
massive dumbbell (quest item, from Fitness choice) - The Fitness and Furry choices have options that skip them without Adventure cost, and force them to be the next encounter here.
- The non-combats here have a one-way connection: Furry → Neckbeard → Fitness
- : The
heavy D is a 40% drop from the Alphabet Giant.
- Fitness choice: "Check out the Mirror" with
- Adventure in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor) (4 monsters, 95% combat, 4 non-combats) to unlock the Top Floor.
- : Top of the Castle, Ma is scheduled as the 11th encounter here.
- : Home on the Free Range provides a choice of an
electric boning knife for the Naughty Sorceress Quest, or an assortment of candy, which may include Adventure-granting chocolates. - : The
chaos butterfly is a 20% drop from the Possibility Giant, for the Defowl the Farm sidquest.
- Adventure in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Top Floor) (95% combat, 4 non-combats) to spin the chore wheel through one of the choice non-combats:
- Steampunk choice: "Harrumph in Disdain" with model airship
- Punk Rock choice: "Get the Punk's Attention" with Mohawk wig equipped
- Goth choice: "Change up the Music" with
drum 'n' bass 'n' drum 'n' bass record (quest item, from Raver choice) - While this quest is in-progress, the non-combats here form two cycles:
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography makes the first non-combat here a choice of any of the four non-combats here.
- Steampunk choice: "Harrumph in Disdain" with
- Return to the Council of Loathing to complete the quest.
Rewards
- One equipment, based on main stat:
- Muscle:
giant discarded bottlecap - Mysticality:
giant discarded plastic fork - Moxie:
giant discarded torn-up glove
- Muscle:
Requirements
- Level 11 (main stat: 104)
Tasks
- Adventure in The Black Forest (5 monsters, 95% combat) to acquire the
black map (quest item), then continue Adventuring here to unlock The Black Market.
- The Black Market unlocks after accumulating about 20-24 "exploration" points, gained from the following sources:
- Defeating a normal monster here grants 1 point (the blackberry bush does not count).
- : Having a Reassembled Blackbird or Reconstituted Crow as the active familiar, or having an
reassembled blackbird hatchling (quest item) in inventory grants an additional point after combat.
- The
sunken eyes and 
broken wings (quest items) combine into the hatchling, and are both 50% drops from the black adder and black panther respectively.
- The
- : Equipping
blackberry galoshes grants an additional point after combat.
- The galoshes come from trading
3 blackberries with The Blackberry Cobbler, in the choice non-combat. The blackberry bush drops up to 3 berries, each a 20% drop.
- The galoshes come from trading
- : The choice non-combat All Over the Map is also guaranteed to occur every 4 turns spent in this zone. Having at least +5% bonus Combat Frequency prevents it from appearing as a random encounter.
- : The
beehive is available from the choice non-combat for the cost of 3 Adventures, for the Naughty Sorceress Quest.
- The Black Market unlocks after accumulating about 20-24 "exploration" points, gained from the following sources:
- Purchase
forged identification documents (quest item, 5,000 Meat). - Take a trip at The Shore, Inc. Travel Agency (requires Desert Beach access) to acquire
your father's MacGuffin diary (quest item). - Use your father's MacGuffin diary to start the next four subquests: the Hidden City Quest, Spookyraven Quest, Palindome Quest, and Pyramid Quest. These can be done in any order.
Hidden City Quest
- This subquest requires The Hidden Temple unlocked, which can be done beforehand.
- Adventure in The Hidden Temple (3 monsters, 90% combat, 3 non-combats) to unlock The Hidden City through the non-combat The Hidden Heart of the Hidden Temple (Pikachutlotal).
- Unlocking The Hidden City through this choice takes 3 Adventures.
- : Adventuring here with the Stone-Faced effect leads to a special choice, which removes the effect and leads to any of the 3 non-combats here.
- This effect is available from
stone wool, from the following sources:
- A 25% drop from the baa-relief sheep here
- A 100%, 50%, and 20% drop from Baa'baa'bu'ran, a semi-rare encounter here
- : (2015) Drawing the "Sheep" card produces 3 stone wools.
- This effect is available from
- : Acquiring and installing
the Nostril of the Serpent (quest item, from Such Great Heights here) allows controlling The Hidden Heart non-combat outcome without exiting the choice.
- Clear the four Overgrown Shrines of dense lianas (3 each) and unlock the four Hidden sidezones of the Hidden City. A Massive Ziggurat also contains 3 lianas.
- : With any machete equipped, lianas are instantly defeated without taking an Adventure. Some machetes include:
antique machete: Drops from a scheduled encounter (7th turn) in The Hidden Park (3* monsters, 85% combat).
- /: In the non-combat here, digging through the dumpster drops two Hidden City items, one being a bowling ball or pygmy doctor equipment. Knocking over the dumpster instead adds the pygmy janitor to the Park's monsters, and also removes the janitor from all other Hidden City zones, changing them from 4 to 3 monster zones. The
book of matches is a 20% drop from the janitor, and unlocks The Hidden Tavern upon use. - : (2016) Summoning the Intergnat demon at Level 11 yields this machete, along with other items.
muculent machete: Meatsmithed using items from NPCs and 
forest tears from Outskirts of Camp Logging Camp (4 monsters, 70% combat), as a 30% drop from the forest spirit, or from adventuring here with a ten-leaf clover.- : (2015) Drawing the "Swords" card produces 2-5 random swords, which may include a machete.
- Acquire 4 stone spheres (quest items), one each from an ancient protector spirit miniboss in each sidezone. This can be done in any order.
- /: Using a
short writ of habeas corpus against any pygmy monster is a free runaway. This item is a 5% drop from the pygmy witch lawyer in the Apartment and Office Buildings, and may also come from The Hidden Park non-combat and (2019) from eating a diabolic pizza made with a combat item. - The Hidden Apartment Building (4* monsters): Acquire the Thrice-Cursed effect, and defeat the ancient protector spirit from the periodic non-combat.
- : The periodic non-combat appears as the 9th encounter here and every 8 encounters after that.
- Thrice-Cursed comes from gaining a third curse. Each of the following sources gives one curse at a time:
- Entering combat with a pygmy shaman
- A choice from the non-combat here
- : Drinking a
Cursed Punch ( 500 Meat, from the Hidden Tavern)
- : Pygmy witch accountants appear in this zone, dropping McClusky files for The Hidden Office Building.
- The Hidden Office Building (4* monsters): Acquire all 5 McClusky files (quest items) from defeating pygmy witch accountants, combine them with the
boring binder clip (quest item, from the periodic non-combat), and defeat the ancient protector spirit from the periodic non-combat.
- : The periodic non-combat appears as the 6th encounter here and every 5th encounter after that.
- The Hidden Hospital (4* monsters): Equip at least one of:
bloodied surgical dungarees, 
surgical apron, 
half-size scalpel, 
head mirror and/or 
surgical mask, and defeat the ancient protector spirit from the special non-combat.
- : These items drop from the pygmy witch surgeon here (100%, only drops one item not already in inventory) and from the dumpster in the Park. Each equipped item increases the special non-combat's encounter rate by 10%.
- The Hidden Bowling Alley (4* monsters): Acquire
5 bowling balls and bowl here 5 times, and defeat the ancient protector spirit on the final bowl.
- Bowling balls are 40% drops from the pygmy bowler here, and also drop from the dumpster in the Park.
- : Entering combat with the drunk pygmy with a
Bowl of Scorpions ( 500 Meat, from the Hidden Tavern) instantly defeats it without taking an Adventure.
- Exchange the 4 stone spheres for
4 stone triangles in the Overgrown Shrines. - Adventure in A Massive Ziggurat and defeat the Protector Spectre, who drops the ancient amulet (quest item).
Spookyraven Quest
- This subquest requires The Haunted Ballroom unlocked, which can be done beforehand.
- Adventure in The Haunted Ballroom (90% combat) to unlock Spookyraven Manor Cellar through the non-combat We'll All Be Flat.
- : With all of Spookyraven Manor opened up, the optional Lights Out Quests can be completed.
- Inspect the Suspicious Masonry to acquire
recipe: mortar-dissolving solution (quest item), and use this item.
- Using the recipe with
Lord Spookyraven's spectacles opens the Wine Bomb route for the Suspicious Masonry.
- Using the recipe with
- Find a way through the Masonry:
- Dissolve Route: Acquire the following 6 quest items, in any order.
- : Each of these items drops from a scheduled encounter (6th turn) in their respective zone, after reading the recipe.
loosening powder: The Haunted Kitchen
powdered castoreum: The Haunted Conservatory
drain dissolver: The Haunted Bathroom
triple-distilled turpentine: The Haunted Gallery
detartrated anhydrous sublicalc: The Haunted Laboratory
triatomaceous dust: The Haunted Storage Room- With all of these items, return to the Masonry to dissolve it.
- Wine Bomb Route: Acquire the
wine bomb (quest item).
- Acquire the following items, in any order:
- bottle of Chateau de Vinegar: Dropped by the possessed wine rack in The Haunted Wine Cellar (3 monsters)
- blasting soda: Dropped by the cabinet of Dr. Limpieza in The Haunted Laundry Room (3 monsters)
- : These items are not normal Item Drops, but behave similarly. They each start with a base drop rate of 5%, increasing by 5% each time the respective item does not drop. Bonus Item Drops improve the drop rate, but not bonus Food Drops.
- Cook these items into the unstable fulminate (quest item). This is Fancy cooking, and requires a Dramatic™ range and one Adventure.
- : Having free crafting avoids this Adventure cost.
- Equip the unstable fulminate and defeat monstrous boilers in The Haunted Boiler Room (3 monsters) until the fulminate gains at least 51 degrees and becomes the wine bomb.
- : Defeating a monstrous boiler adds
10 + (bonus Monster Level)/2degrees to the fulminate. With at least +82 bonus Monster Level, only one boiler is needed for this step.
- With the wine bomb, return to the Masonry to destroy it.
- Acquire the following items, in any order:
- Dissolve Route: Acquire the following 6 quest items, in any order.
- Defeat Lord Spookyraven, who drops the Eye of Ed (quest item).
Palindome Quest
- Acquire the
Copperhead Charm from The Copperhead Club and the 
Copperhead Charm (rampant) from The Red Zeppelin, in any order. These are both quest items.
- Copperhead Club: Alternate between Adventuring in the Club (5 monsters) to find Shen, and finding the quest item he requests. This provides the Copperhead Charm after the third item delivered this way.
- : Shen appears as the first encounter in the Club, and will appear when returning with his quest items after 5, 10, and 14 (50% chance) or 15 (100% chance) turns are spent in the Club.
- : After spending 14 turns here, with Crappily Disguised as a Waiter from using a
crappy waiter disguise (20% or 30% from either of the "waiters" here), the next encounter is either the final Shen encounter, or the special Behind the 'Stache encounter, which does not take a turn.
- Shen's requests are consistent - he will always ask for the same items when starting this subquest on the same daycount of an Ascension.
- Shen can ask for the following items, each dropped by a miniboss.
- : These minibosses appear on the 4-6th turn in their respective zone.
The Stankara Stone: From the Batsnake in The Batrat and Ratbat Burrow
- : May overlap with the Boss Bat Quest.
The First Pizza: From the Frozen Solid Snake in The Lair of the Ninja Snowmen
- : May overlap with the Mt. McLargeHuge Quest.
Murphy's Rancid Black Flag: From the Burning Snake of Fire in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Top Floor)
- : May overlap with the Giant Trash Quest.
The Eye of the Stars: From The Snake With Like Ten Heads in The Hole in the Sky
- : May overlap with acquiring
Richard's star key for The Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door.
The Lacrosse Stick of Lacoronado: From The Frattlesnake in the The Smut Orc Logging Camp
- : May overlap with the Orc Chasm Quest.
The Shield of Brook: From the Snakeleton in The Unquiet Garves or The VERY Unquiet Garves
- :
Flamin' Whatshisnames, for the Zeppelin Protestors, are available here from the following methods:
- 1 from Adventuring here with a ten-leaf clover
- 3 from a semi-rare encounter here
- 1 from converting an
unnamed cocktail after combat, while there are flaming lanterns in the Club
- Unnamed cocktails are available from:
- A 15% drop from the Copperhead Club bartender here
- Behind the 'Stache, from being Crappily Disguised as a Waiter
- (2019) A possible item from eating a diabolic pizza made with a combat item
- Unnamed cocktails are available from:
- 1 from Adventuring here with a
- Red Zeppelin: Unlock The Red Zeppelin, and defeat Ron "The Weasel" Copperhead, who drops the Copperhead Charm (rampant).
- Adventure in A Mob of Zeppelin Protesters (5 monsters, 90% combat, 3 non-combats) to clear 80 protestors, unlocking The Red Zeppelin.
- Defeating a normal monster here clears 1 protestor.
- : The normal non-combats here clear multiple protestors (minimum of 3 protestors each):
- Bench Warrant clears
√(bonus Sleaze Damage + bonus Sleaze Spell Damage)protestors, randomly rounded. - Fire Up Above clears 10 protestors and consumes a Flamin' Whatshisname, or 3 protestors with none in inventory.
- This Looks Like a Good Bush for an Ambush clears 3 protestors, plus another 3 with Musky from
lynyrd musk, plus another 5 for each item equipped out of 
lynyrdskin cap, 
lynyrdskin tunic, 
lynyrdskin breeches (maximum of 21 total).
- From the lynyrd skinner here, the musk is a 25% drop, and the
lynyrd snare is a 15% drop. The snare leads to a lynyrd free fight that drops 
lynyrd skin (100%), for Meatsmithing lynyrdskin equipment with Armorcraftiness.
- From the lynyrd skinner here, the musk is a 25% drop, and the
- : Adventuring here with a ten-leaf clover leads to the same Adventure as the semi-rare encounter here, a choice that leads to any of the three non-combats here.
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography makes the first non-combat here a choice of any of the three non-combats here.
- Bench Warrant clears
- Using a
cigarette lighter (15% drop from the Blue Oyster cultist) against a protestor instakills it and clears an additional 5-7 protestors. This is also available from (2016) summoning the Intergnat demon at Level 11, and (2019) is a possible item from eating a diabolic pizza made with a combat item. - (2016) Using a
bomb of unknown origin against a protestor clears an additional 10 protestors.
- This is made by combining a
bread mold with a 
fire of unknown origin, a 15% drop from the Blue Oyster cultist.
- This is made by combining a
- Adventure in The Red Zeppelin (5 monsters) and defeat 6 progress-granting monsters here to find Ron's cabin.
- : Defeating the Red Herring or Red Snapper does not add progress here.
- : Having a
Red Zeppelin ticket ( 5,000 Meat, from the Black Market) prevents the chance of being thrown overboard after combat and negating progress. - : Using a
glark cable here instakills the monster and makes that combat not cost an Adventure, on the first 5 uses per day. This item is a 30% drop from the red butler here, and (2019) is a possible item from eating a diabolic pizza made with a combat item.
- Adventure in The Red Zeppelin and defeat Ron "The Weasel" Copperhead, who drops the Copperhead Charm (rampant).
- Adventure in A Mob of Zeppelin Protesters (5 monsters, 90% combat, 3 non-combats) to clear 80 protestors, unlocking The Red Zeppelin.
- Copperhead Club: Alternate between Adventuring in the Club (5 monsters) to find Shen, and finding the quest item he requests. This provides the
- Combine the two Copperhead Charms into the
Talisman o' Namsilat (quest item). - While equipping the Talisman, Adventure Inside the Palindome (7 monsters, 85% combat) for the following quest items:
photograph of a red nugget, from a non-combat (costs 500 Meat)
photograph of God, from a non-combat (costs 500 Meat)
photograph of an ostrich egg, from a non-combat
photograph of a dog, from either using a 
disposable instant camera on Bob Racecar or Racecar Bob, or from defeating either of those monsters after defeating 9 dude-type monsters here (Bob Racecar, Racecar Bob, and Drab Bard)
"I Love Me, Vol. I", from defeating 5 dude-type monsters here
- Use "I Love Me, Vol. I", and arrange the photographs in Dr. Awkward's Office to receive "2 Love Me, Vol. 2" (quest item).
- Use "2 Love Me, Vol. 2", and talk with Mr. Alarm, who asks for
wet stunt nut stew (quest item). This is available from:
- Cooking
stunt nuts (30% drop from both Bobs) with wet stew, cooked from a bird rib and a lion oil. These are both 25% drops from the whitesnake and white lion respectively, in Whitey's Grove (4 monsters, 85% combat).
- : As cooking ingredients, bonus Food Drops also improves drop rates for wet stunt nut stew components.
- After talking to Mr. Alarm, defeating 14 monsters Inside The Palindome yields a wet stunt nut stew.
- Cooking
- Return to Mr. Alarm and exchange the wet stunt nut stew for the
Mega Gem (quest item). - Equip the Talisman and Mega Gem, and defeat Dr. Awkward, who drops the Staff of Fats (quest item).
Pyramid Quest
- Adventure in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert until it has 100% exploration, to unlock A Small Pyramid.
- Defeating any monster here gives 1% exploration.
- : An equipped
UV-resistant compass (quest item, costs 1 
Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip at The Shore, Inc. Gift Shop) adds +1% exploration after combat. - : (2014) An equipped
ornate dowsing rod adds +2% exploration after combat. - : (2020) An active
Melodramedary familiar adds +1% exploration after combat.
- : Gnasir becomes available at 10% exploration, offering more sources of exploration:
- Gnasir will exchange a
desert sightseeing pamphlet (quest item, worth +15% each) for each of the following items (once each):
killing jar, from The Haunted Library
can of black paint, from The Black Market ( 1,000 Meat)
stone rose (quest item), from The Oasis (4 monsters)
- Gnasir will exchange the
worm-riding hooks (quest item) for 15 worm-riding manual pages (quest items). With the hooks, using a 
drum machine grants +30% exploration.
- Manual pages have a base 25% drop rate in the Desert, and require being Ultrahydrated. Each time pages do not drop, this rate increases by 25%, and this rate resets to 25% after pages drop. Bonus Item Drops do not improve this.
- The first page drop gives 1 page. After that, each page drop gives 2-3 pages (random), until accumulating 15 pages.
- : Maintaining the Ultrahydrated effect without visiting The Oasis means fewer overall turns spent on gathering manual pages. Ways of doing this include Effect Duration extenders and using free fights.
- The drum machine is a 30% drop from the blur in The Oasis.
- : The
mojo filter (a 5% drop from the swarm of scarab beatles here) clears 1 Spleen space on use (maximum of 3 per day).
- Gnasir will exchange a
- Defeating any monster here gives 1% exploration.
The Ancient Buried Pyramid
- Craft the Staff of Ed (quest item), and visit A Small Pyramid to unlock its chambers.
- Adventure in The Upper Chamber (3 monsters, 85% combat) to unlock The Middle Chamber.
- : Down Dooby-Doo Down Down is scheduled as the 6th turn here.
- : Each normal non-combat here drops a
crumbling wooden wheel (quest item), granting 1 rotation for the Control Room. This non-combat is also scheduled as the 3rd turn here. - : The tomb servant occurs in both the Upper and Middle Chamber - banishing it removes it from both zones.
- Adventure in The Middle Chamber (3 monsters) to unlock The Lower Chambers and the Control Room.
- : Further Down Dooby-Doo Down Down is scheduled as the 6th turn here, and Under Control is scheduled as the 10th turn here.
- : The tomb rat drops a tomb ratchet (20%), each granting 1 rotation for the Control Room. Using a tangle of rat tails on a tomb rat changes it into a tomb rat king, which drops up to 3 ratchets, at 20% each.
- : (2015) The 5-combat Hallowiener Dog encounter here drops a tomb ratchet.
- : (2016) Summoning the Intergnat demon at Level 11 produces a tomb ratchet, as well as other items.
- Turn the wheel in the Control Room 3 times (using wheels and/or ratchets), then visit The Lower Chambers for an
ancient bronze token (quest item). - Turn the wheel 4 more times, then visit The Lower Chambers for an
ancient bomb (quest item). - Turn the wheel 3 more times, then visit The Lower Chambers to unseal Ed the Undying.
- Defeat Ed the Undying 7 times, who drops the
Holy MacGuffin (quest item) on the final combat. - Return to the Council of Loathing to complete the quest.
Rewards
spectre scepter
Lord Spookyraven's ear trumpet- Access to the Summoning Chamber
Drowsy Sword
handful of confetti
Requirements
- Level 12 (main stat: 125)
Tasks
- The majority of this quest takes place on The Mysterious Island of Mystery, which must be unlocked.
- Starting this quest changes the Orcish Frat House and The Hippy Camp into their pre-war counterparts, changing their encounters.
- Acquire either war outfit (Frat Warrior Fatigues or War Hippy Fatigues), available from:
- : Calculate the Universe with a result of 51 enters combat with a War Frat 151st Infantryman, which drops the whole War Frat outfit, at 10% per item.
- While wearing either the Frat Boy Ensemble or the Filthy Hippy Disguise outfits, adventuring in Orcish Frat House (Verge of War) or The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) (hostile: 2 combats, 80% combat, 3 non-combats; friendly: 10% combat, 6 non-combats):
- In the hostile camp, the enemy outfit pieces drop at 5% or 10% each.
- In the friendly camp, the enemy outfit pieces drop at 30% each from the Spy, and 3 of the non-combats drop one friendly outfit piece each.
- The regular Frat Boy Ensemble is available from:
- A 5% drop from each monster in the normal Orcish Frat House (3 monsters). At Level 9 or greater, this zone becomes 85% combat, and the non-combats also drop outfit pieces.
- With no outfit, non-combats in the Orcish Frat House (Verge of War) (no monsters) may drop outfit pieces.
- : Fratty-modified monsters may drop outfit pieces.
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography allows the first non-combat here to drop any 2 of the three outfit pieces.
- The regular Filthy Hippy Disguise is available from:
- For both pieces, a 2-5% drop from monsters in the normal Hippy Camp. At Level 9 or greater, this zone becomes 85% combat, and the non-combats also drop outfit pieces.
- With no outfit, non-combats in The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) (no monsters) may drop outfit pieces.
- : Tie-dyed-modified monsters may drop outfit pieces.
- While wearing a war outfit, Adventure in the hostile side (80% combat, 3 non-combats) to start the war through one of the choice non-combats:
- Fratacombs: "Screw this, head to the roof" (Hippy in Frat House)
- Blockin' Out the Scenery: "The Lookout Tower" (Frat in Hippy Camp)
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography makes the first non-combat in these zones a choice of any of their three respective non-combats.
- The War Proper: While wearing a war outfit, adventure on The Battlefield to kill all 1,000 units of one side, unlocking their respective boss. An alternate ending condition is killing exactly 999 units on both sides, leading to The Last Stand.
- With no sidequests completed, each soldier defeated here kills 1 unit of its side.
- : (2016) Using a
stuffing fluffer from inventory kills 36-46 units on each side. If using enough stuffing fluffers to clear one side, the boss can be fought directly, skipping the introductory Adventure on The Battlefield. - : In the friendly base, item drops from The Battlefield can be exchanged for quarters/dimes, and those exchanged for various items. This includes combat items, 500 Meat autosellable items, and healing items for the Shadow.
- : After 400 hippy kills, the Green Ops Soldier can appear, and may drop a
green smoke bomb (5%). When used in combat, this is a free runaway, 90% of the time. - : Each optional sidequest completed in a uniform doubles the number of kills per combat while wearing that uniform (2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64), effectively halving the remaining number of combats on The Battlefield.
- Upon starting the war, the following sidequests are available:
- Arena: Advertise for the Mysterious Island Arena - Always available for Frats, requires 458 Frat kills for Hippies
- Wear a uniform, and talk to the promoters at the Arena to acquire rock band flyers (Frat) or jam band flyers (Hippy) (both quest items).
- In any combat, except on The Battlefield, use the flyers, until the total attack value of flyered monsters is at least 10,000. Flyers are usable once per combat, and do not require wearing a uniform.
- : This quest can be completed while working on other quests. Bonus Monster Level increases attack value, and for scaling monsters, increasing Moxie also increases attack value.
- While wearing the appropriate uniform, return the Arena to complete the sidequest.
- Wear a uniform, and talk to the promoters at the Arena to acquire
- Junkyard: Retrieve Yossarian's Tools - Always available for Frats, requires 192 Frat kills for Hippies
- Wear a uniform, and talk to Yossarian to acquire the
molybdenum magnet (quest item). - Use the magnet to acquire the 4 quest items, in any order:
molybdenum hammer (batwinged gremlin): Next to that Barrel with Something Burning in it
molybdenum crescent wrench (erudite gremlin): Over Where the Old Tires Are
molybdenum pliers (spider gremlin): Near an Abandoned Refrigerator
molybdenum screwdriver (vegetable gremlin): Out By that Rusted-Out Car- If the listed gremlin attacks with a tool, using the magnet will defeat it and drop the tool.
- : Each zone has 4 monsters: A.M.C. gremlin, another type of gremlin, and two versions of the gremlin listed for each zone above, one of which has the tool listed. The A.M.C. gremlin appears in all Junkyard zones, and each other gremlin type appears in two out of the four zones, where one zone also has the tool version unique to it (and only appears there). Thus, banishing any non-tool holding gremlin removes it from multiple zones.
- With all 4 tools and while wearing a uniform, return to Yossarian to complete the sidequest.
- Wear a uniform, and talk to Yossarian to acquire the
- Lighthouse: Recover the Lighthouse Keeper's Gunpowder - Always available for Frats, requires 64 Frat kills for Hippies
- Adventure in Sonofa Beach (10% combat) and acquire
5 barrels of gunpowder (quest items), from defeating lobsterfrogmans (100% drop).
- In addition to appearing normally, a lobsterfrogman also appears as the 13th encounter, and every 12 turns after that.
- With 5 barrels and while wearing a uniform, talk with The Lighthouse Keeper to complete the sidequest.
- Adventure in Sonofa Beach (10% combat) and acquire
- Orchard: Exterminate the Filthworm Infestation - Always available for Hippies, requires 64 Hippy kills for Frats
- Adventure in The Hatching Chamber and acquire a
filthworm hatchling scent gland, then use it.
- All scent glands in this sidequest are 10% drops and quest items, and their respective effect is required to Adventure in the next chamber.
- Adventure in The Feeding Chamber and acquire a filthworm drone scent gland, then use it.
- : (2020) Filthworm Drone Stench is also available from a Cargo Cultist Shorts pocket.
- Adventure in The Guards' Chamber and acquire a filthworm royal guard scent gland, then use it.
- Defeat the queen filthworm, who drops the
heart of the filthworm queen (quest item). - With the heart and while wearing a uniform, talk with the grocer to complete the sidequest.
- Adventure in The Hatching Chamber and acquire a
- Nunnery: Recover the Sisters' Meat - Always available for Hippies, requires 192 Hippy kills for Frats
- While wearing a uniform, Adventure in The Themthar Hills and defeat dirty thieving brigands (base Meat drop of 1,000, ± 200) until a total of 100,000 Meat drops, completing the sidequest.
- : With no bonus Meat Drops, this sidequest requires defeating 100 brigands, on average. Each +100% increase in Meat Drops effectively halves the average number of combats needed.
- : (2018): Singing Along to "Total Eclipse of Your Meat" increases base Meat drop by 25, effectively multiplying all bonus meat Drops by 102.5% when fighting brigands.
- While wearing a uniform, Adventure in The Themthar Hills and defeat dirty thieving brigands (base Meat drop of 1,000, ± 200) until a total of 100,000 Meat drops, completing the sidequest.
- Farm: Defowl the Farm - Always available for Hippies, requires 458 Hippy kills for Frats
- : If fighting the war as a Frat with 4 or 5 sidequests completed, this sidequest requires more turns (at least 25) than it would save on The Battlefield if completed (542 remaining units, cleared in 17 turns at 32 kills/fight vs. in 9 turns at 64 kills/fight, a difference of 8).
- Adventure in the zones in McMillicancuddy's Farm until all clearing all of the ducks.
- Adventure in The Barn until 3 sidezones are unlocked, clearing the Barn. This takes about 10 Adventures.
- : Upon unlocking the third sidezone, if a chaos butterfly was previously used in any combat, the number of ducks in the sidezones is halved. This only applies if the three sidezones unlocked are The Pond (cold), The Back 40 (hot), and The Other Back 40 (sleaze).
- Adventure in the 3 unlocked sidezones and clear 10 ducks in each of them. If using the shortcut, these zones instead have 5 ducks each.
- Adventure in The Barn until 3 sidezones are unlocked, clearing the Barn. This takes about 10 Adventures.
- After clearing all the ducks and while wearing a uniform, talk with Farmer McMillicancuddy to complete the sidequest.
- Arena: Advertise for the Mysterious Island Arena - Always available for Frats, requires 458 Frat kills for Hippies
- With one side clear and while wearing the opposing war outfit, defeat The Man or The Big Wisniewski to finish the war.
- For The Last Stand, either outfit can be worn, and using a
flaregun leads to an alternate war ending. The flaregun is a 30% drop from 3 of the pirates in The Obligatory Pirate's Cove (5 monsters, 60% combat), which becomes unavailable while the war is ongoing.
- For The Last Stand, either outfit can be worn, and using a
- Return to the Council of Loathing to complete the quest.
Rewards
- A War Medal, based on the winning side's number of completed sidequests
- Up to one of:
solid gold bowling ball (The Big Wisniewski defeated)- really dense meat stack (The Man defeated)
- Sidequest-dependent:
- One 20-turn effect from the Mysterious Island Arena per day (winning side completed the Arena sidequest)
- One piece of equipment (Junkyard sidequest completed)
- Access to The Organic Produce Stand, which gives 4,000−5,000 Meat per day (Orchard sidequest completed)
- Three 1000 HP restoring massages from the Nunnery per day (Nunnery sidequest completed)
- Massages also restore 1000 MP if completed on Frat side
Requirements
- Level 13 (main stat: 148)
- All other Council quests completed
Tasks
- Sign up at the Registration Desk to unlock the three Crowds of Adventurers outside the tower. Each Crowd has a different stat associated, which determines the number of monsters to defeat in each to clear it (ranges from 1 to 10 monsters).
- : Signing up for a contest with a high enough stat causes that Crowd have only one monster. Not making that threshold when signing up causes that Crowd to have a proportional number of monsters.
- : Looking Low from A Telescope reveals the attribute and (with at least one upgrade) the element chosen for the contests, allowing preparation before starting this quest.
- Clear the three Crowds, then return to the Registration Desk to unlock the Courtyard.
- Enter the Courtyard to meet Frank and unlock The Hedge Maze.
- Pass through The Hedge Maze, which has 9 sections, which each take an Adventure and have two choices: left or right.
- Going left advances one section.
- : Going right leads to either a damaging trap, or a combat. Surviving that advances two sections. If always choosing right and surviving, this finishes the maze in 4 Adventures, going through 3 elemental damage traps (90%, then 80%, then 70% of maximum HP, survivable from full HP with at least 7 resistance).
- : With 2 or more upgrades, A Telescope reveals the elements for the first (2+ upgrades), second (3+), and third (4+) elemental damage traps.
- Remove the 6 locks on The Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door with the 6 appropriate keys, then open the Door. Each lock consumes its corresponding key.
- Defeat the wall of skin. This wall has 50 HP, reduces all incoming damage to 1 per source, is immune to stuns and staggers, ignores all Monster Level modifiers, and attacks for increasing percentages of maximum HP: 5%, 30%, 55%, and 80%, imposing a 5-round limit in combat.
- Using the beehive instantly defeats it.
- : Using a variety of damage sources (such as attacking familiars, Passive Damage, and Prismatic Damage) to defeat the wall means not needing to spend turns on the beehive.
- Using the
- Defeat the wall of meat (base Meat Drop of 200, ± 40) until it drops at least a total of 1,001 Meat. This wall has 700 HP, and attacks for about 15% of maximum HP each round.
- : With no bonus Meat Drops, this wall must be defeated 5 times, on average. Having at least +525.625% Meat Drops ensures at least 1001 Meat from one combat. (2018) If Singing Along to "Total Eclipse of Your Meat" (+25 base Meat drop), +456.111% Meat Drops ensures 1001 Meat from one combat.
- Defeat the wall of bones. This wall has 20,000 HP, 1,000 defense, is a size-100 group monster, fully heals after taking any non-group non-lethal damage, is immune to stuns and staggers, and attacks for increasing percentages of maximum HP: 10%, 30%, 50%, 70%, and 90%, imposing a 6-round limit in combat.
- Using the electric boning knife instantly defeats it.
- : Home on the Free Range becomes 3 times as frequent after passing the wall of meat.
- /: Using group damage and/or one sufficiently strong finishing hit to defeat the wall means not needing to spend turns on the electric boning knife.
- Using the
- Pass The Mirror, which has two choices.
- Gazing into the mirror costs an Adventure, and grants the Confidence! intrinsic (+20% to all attributes).
- : Breaking the mirror does not cost an Adventure, and increases The Naughty Sorceress' stats and makes her immune to stuns and staggers.
- Defeat the Shadow opponent. The Shadow has 395 HP, 150% Initiative, blocks nearly all non-healing combat actions, and attacks for about
(17% of maximum HP) + 95damage each round.- The Shadow only takes damage from healing actions.
- Defeat The Naughty Sorceress. She removes all beneficial effects at the start of combat, may block skills and combat items, and has 3 forms, but takes only takes 1 Adventure to defeat. Having the
Wand of Nagamar (quest item, does not need to be equipped) instantly defeats the final form.
- The Wand has the following sources:
- Combining ruby W, metallic A,
lowercase N, and heavy D.
- These items drop from these respective monsters:
- W imp (30%): The Dark Neck of the Woods (3 monsters) or Pandamonium Slums (7 monsters)
- MagiMechTech MechaMech (30%): The Penultimate Fantasy Airship (6 monsters, 80% combat)
- XXX pr0n (30%): The Valley of Rof L'm Fao (8 monsters)
- Alphabet Giant (40%): The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Basement) (4 monsters)
- : Adventuring in the Castle Basement with a ten-leaf clover yields all 4 of these letters.
- Bear Verb Orgy, in The VERY Unquiet Garves, unlocked after being defeated by The Naughty Sorceress' third form. This Adventure appears after defeating about 11 monsters here.
- Combining
- The Wand has the following sources:
- Free King Ralph XI from the prism to complete the quest.
Rewards
World's Best Adventurer sash- Access to Ascension
- Path-dependent rewards
- Freedom from Hardcore, Ronin, and path restrictions
- Up to
2 units of Instant Karma
- One unit for defeating the final boss at Level 13 or lower
- One unit for freeing the King after a leaderboard-placing run
Other Quests
This section is for tasks that are not assigned by the Council, but still needed to complete Council quests. They can be completed at any time, items and/or locations permitting.
Unlocking Desert Beach
- This gives access to The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp (with the right moon sign), and The Shore, Inc. Travel Agency, which is eventually required for the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin.
- Having any of the following quest items gives access to Desert Beach:
bitchin' meatcar: Combined from 
spring, 
sprocket, 
cog, 
empty meat tank, meat stack, 
tires, and 
sweet rims.
- Except for the meat stack ( 100 Meat) and the sweet rims ( 300 Meat, from The General Store), all of these items drop in The Degrassi Knoll Garage.
- : The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store also sells these items, with the right moon sign.
- Except for the meat stack (
Desert Bus pass: Purchased for 5,000 Meat, in The General Store.- (2010)
pumpkin carriage: Combined from 
pumpkin, tires, and sweet rims. - (2013)
tin lizzie: Created by multi-using 
4 fancy tin beer cans.
Unlocking The Haunted Ballroom
- This is eventually required for the Spookyraven Quest.
- Use the
telegram from Lady Spookyraven (quest item) to unlock Spookyraven Manor. - Adventure in The Haunted Kitchen to acquire the
Spookyraven billiards room key (quest item), unlocking The Haunted Billiards Room. The key drops from the next combat after searching 21 drawers.
- Adventure in The Haunted Billiards Room (2 monsters, 85% combat) to acquire a pool cue, and then the
Spookyraven library key (quest item), from beating the ghost in pool. These tasks are both non-combats.
- Acquiring a pool cue is a one-time non-combat, and must occur before the ghost non-combat can appear.
- Beating the ghost requires 14-18 Pool Skill (random). Common sources of Pool Skill include:
- Up to 10 intrinsic Skill from A Shark's Chum (persists across Ascensions and is not tied to permament skills)
- +1 per Drunkenness, up to +10 at exactly 10 Drunkenness, but with 11 or more Drunkenness, instead reduces Pool Skill by 2 per point
- +3 from equipping the pool cue
- +3 from Chalky Hand, from handful of hand chalk (100% drop from chalkdust wraiths here)
- +1 from losing to the ghost, and +1 from practicing in the non-combat (+2 with Chalky Hand)
- : (2020) Having the skill Comprehensive Cartography allows the first non-combat here to challenge the ghost in pool.
- Adventure in The Haunted Library (3 monsters) to acquire
Lady Spookyraven's necklace (quest item), which drops from the fifth writing desk defeated. Writing desks are uncopiable.
- : The killing jar is a 10% drop from the banshee librarian here, usable for the Pyramid Quest.
- : The bookbat may drop a
tattered scrap of paper (12%), which is a free runaway (50% chance).
- Give the necklace to Lady Spookyraven, to receive a
ghost of a necklace in return, and unlock the Second Floor. - Talk with Lady Spookyraven on the Second Floor to unlock The Haunted Gallery, Bathroom, and Bedroom.
- Adventure in these three zones, in any order, to acquire the three dancing quest items.
- The Haunted Gallery (90% combat):
Lady Spookyraven's dancing shoes, from the Louvre It or Leave It non-combat
- : This non-combat has a delay of 5, after which it acts like a normal non-combat.
- : Choosing to skip the other non-combat here prevents it from appearing for the next 10 Adventures.
- The Haunted Bathroom (90% combat):
Lady Spookyraven's powder puff, from defeating the cosmetics wraith from the Never Gonna Make You Up non-combat
- : This non-combat has a delay of 5.
- The Haunted Bedroom (4* monsters):
Lady Spookyraven's finest gown, from defeating an elegant animated nightstand
- : This nightstand has a delay of 6, after which the zone becomes a 5 monster zone.
- : The animated ornate nightstand's post-combat choices include dropping Lord Spookyraven's spectacles (quest item), for the Wine Bomb Route in the Spookyraven Quest, and dropping a disposable instant camera, for the Palindome Quest.
- The Haunted Gallery (90% combat):
- Give the dancing things to Lady Spookyraven to unlock The Haunted Ballroom.
Unlocking The Hidden Temple
- This is eventually required for the Hidden City Quest.
- Completing either of the following sequences gives access to The Hidden Temple:
- Spooky Forest Route: Adventure in The Spooky Forest (85% combat) to acquire the following items, each one from the non-combat Arboreal Respite:
tree-holed coin (quest item)- Spooky Temple map (quest item, requires tree-holed coin)
- Spooky-Gro fertilizer
spooky sapling (quest item, costs 100 Meat)- With all of these items, use the Spooky Temple map to unlock The Hidden Temple.
- "Dakota" Fanning Route: Talk with Dakota, who needs the following three items:
pellet of plant food (quest item): Adventure in The Haunted Conservatory until encountering Is It Plant Lunch or Plant Dinner?.
- : This is scheduled as the 11th encounter here.
heavy-duty bendy straw (quest item): After talking to Dakota, this item drops from the third Fallen Archfiend defeated, which can be found in The Dark Heart of the Woods (3 monsters) and Pandamonium Slums (7 monsters).
sewing kit: Purchase for 1 
fat loot token at A Vending Machine.
- Tokens cannot be pulled from Hagnk's, and are most readily available from The Daily Dungeon (1 per day). More information is in the Tower Door Key section.
- With these three items, return to Dakota to unlock The Hidden Temple.
- Spooky Forest Route: Adventure in The Spooky Forest (85% combat) to acquire the following items, each one from the non-combat Arboreal Respite:
Unlocking The Mysterious Island of Mystery
- This is eventually required for the Mysterious Island Quest.
- Having any of the following quest items gives access to The Mysterious Island of Mystery:
dingy dinghy: Created by using 
dinghy plans (quest item, 3 Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip at The Shore, Inc. Gift Shop) with 
dingy planks ( 400 Meat, from The General Store).
junk junk: Crafted from an 
old claw-foot bathtub, an 
old clothesline pole, and an 
antique cigar sign, through 
Worse Homes and Gardens (all quest items).
- The first three items come from Once More Unto the Junk, a choice non-combat in The Old Landfill triggered by having a
funky junk key, which drops from the junksprites here. Worse Homes and Gardens replaces the third key that would drop. - : Funky junk keys are not normal Item Drops, but behave similarly, being improved by bonus Item Drops. They have a base drop rate of 5%, which increases by 5% each time a key does not drop, and resets to 5% when a key drops.
- The first three items come from Once More Unto the Junk, a choice non-combat in The Old Landfill triggered by having a
- (2012)
skeletal skiff: Created by multi-using 
7 skeletons. - (2015)
yellow submarine: Made from 
50 yellow pixels, 
5 red pixels, 
5 green pixels, and 
5 blue pixels.
Keys for The Naughty Sorceress' Tower Door
- These six keys are eventually required for the Naughty Sorceress Quest. All of these keys are quest items, except for the skeleton key.
Boris's key, 
Jarlsberg's key, and 
Sneaky Pete's key
- A Vending Machine sells these keys for 1 fat loot token each. Tokens have the following sources:
- One token from The Daily Dungeon's 15th room, which resets at Rollover.
- : The following items reduce turns needed to complete the Dungeon:
- Having an
eleven-foot pole passes Elemental Damage rooms without costing an Adventure. - Using a skeleton key,
Pick-O-Matic lockpicks, or a 
Platinum Yendorian Express Card on a Door room passes it without costing an Adventure or triggering a trap. - An equipped ring of Detect Boring Doors adds a choice to the 5th and 10th rooms, skipping them and the next two rooms without costing Adventures.
- The
Gelatinous Cubeling familiar drops the pole, ring, and lockpicks, after a total of 12 combats with it.
- Having an
- (2013) One token dropped by the Video Game Boss at the end of The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon.
- (2016) One token from using a
daily dungeon malware on any monster in The Daily Dungeon, once per day. - (2016) One token from The Currency Exchange (Midnight at Gingerbread Train Station).
- (2018) One token dropped by the fifth fantasy bandit defeated per day, from FantasyRealm, by LyleCo.
- One token from The Daily Dungeon's 15th room, which resets at Rollover.
- These three keys are also directly available from the following sources:
- Eating
Boris's key lime pie, Jarlsberg's key lime pie, or Sneaky Pete's key lime pie, which each give the corresponding key. - Zapping one of these keys or one of
Boris's ring, 
Jarlsberg's earring, or 
Sneaky Pete's breath spray, produces another key that is not in inventory. - : (2015) Drawing the "Tower" card produces one of these keys.
- (2019) Clearing Key Key in PirateRealm produces one of these keys.
- : (2020) Casting Lock Picking gives a choice of one of these keys, once per Ascension.
- Eating
- A Vending Machine sells these keys for 1
- Richard's star key: Created from using a
star chart, consuming 
8 stars and 
7 lines.
- All of these items drop from The Hole in the Sky (10 monsters); the star chart is a 100% drop from the Astronomer, and stars and lines are both 30% drops from the other monsters here. One monster drops up to 2 stars and 2 lines, and the other monsters can drop a total of 3 stars and/or lines. The Astronomer is slightly more common than the other monsters.
- : (2017) The third encounter here is Space Directions, a choice that can lead to combat with an Astronomer or the 2 star/2 line monster. This non-combat requires an active Space Jellyfish.
- The Hole in the Sky is unlocked by having the
steam-powered model rocketship, available from Copper Feel in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Top Floor) (95% combat). After completing the Giant Trash Quest, all non-combats on the Top Floor can lead to Copper Feel.
- : The following methods directly produce this key's components:
- Eating a star key lime pie produces 2-4 stars and 2-4 lines.
- Eating a
delicious star salad produces 3-5 stars. - (2016) Summoning the Intergnat demon at Level 12 yields a star chart.
- (2019) Eating a diabolic pizza made with a "dot", "space", or "star" item produces 5 stars.
- (2020) Using a
greasy desk bell leads to combat with an Astrologer of Shub-Jigguwatt, a free fight, which drops a star chart (100%), 2 stars, and 2 lines (30% each).
- Eating a
- All of these items drop from The Hole in the Sky (10 monsters); the star chart is a 100% drop from the Astronomer, and stars and lines are both 30% drops from the other monsters here. One monster drops up to 2 stars and 2 lines, and the other monsters can drop a total of 3 stars and/or lines. The Astronomer is slightly more common than the other monsters.
- skeleton key: Combined from a skeleton bone and loose teeth.
- These items are fairly common drops (10-40%) from skeleton and zombie monsters in The Cyrpt.
digital key: Made from 
30 white pixels, at The Crackpot Mystic's Shed.
- White, red, green and blue pixels are common drops (50-80%) in the 8-Bit Realm (8 monsters), and combining a red pixel, green pixel, and blue pixel produces a white pixel. The blooper can drop 3 white pixels, three of the monsters can drop a white pixel and a red/green/blue pixel, and another three of the monsters can drop 3 red/green/blue pixels.
- : The following monsters can drop more than 3 white pixels, resulting in fewer combats needed to make the digital key:
- (2010): The ghost in Vanya's Castle Foyer (3 monsters) can drop 5 white pixels (40-80%).
- (2012): The morbid skull in Fear Man's Level (3 monsters) can drop 5 white pixels (40-80%).
- : The following methods directly produce pixels:
- Eating a digital key lime pie produces 8-10 white pixels.
- Using a
blue shell in combat produces 1-3 white and 1-3 blue pixels. - Eating a
video games hot dog produces 2-3 red, 2-3 green, and 2-3 blue pixels. - Pixellated-modified monsters drop 3-5 pixels, out of white, red, green, blue, and black.
- (2016) Using a
bass clarinet produces 10 white pixels, once per day. - (2020) An equipped
Powerful Glove sometimes drops a white, red, green, or blue pixel after combat.
- Eating a
- White, red, green and blue pixels are common drops (50-80%) in the 8-Bit Realm (8 monsters), and combining a
