Muscle Modifiers

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Here's a comprehensive list of everything in the game that affects your Muscle and their availability in Hardcore. Ultra Rares, rare Tiny Plastics, and other difficult-to-obtain items are considered unattainable, due to the very low chance of getting them.

To see various maximum levels of Muscle, see Maximizing Your Muscle.

Absolute Increases

Absolute Muscle increases will increase (or decrease) your Muscle by a fixed amount.

Source	Source Type	Incr	Duration	Cost	Prereq	HC Available	Notes
'Roids of the Rhinoceros	Effect	100	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from bottle of rhinoceros hormones
Animal Exploiter	Effect	40	10 turns	1 Adventure	Bad Moon	No	Obtained at Treasury Familiar Weight -50%
Bananas!	Effect	40	5-15 turns or 30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	All Attributes +40 Obtained from banana smoothie (5-15 turns). Obtained from banana supersucker (30 turns).
Boletus Swoletus	Effect	40	10, 40, or 80 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Boletus Broletus mushroom (10 Adv) Obtained from Beefy Crunch Pastaco (40 Adv) Obtained from overpowering mushroom wine (80 Adv)
The Power of LOV	Effect	40	40 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from LOV Elixir #3 Weapon Damage +50% +15% chance of Critical Hit
BOOsted	Effect	30	50 turns	Item Loss		No	Obtained from BOOterfinger
Electrolit Up	Effect	30	5 turns	Item Loss		Yes	Obtained from Mer-kin saltmint
Slow Talkin' Elliot's dogtags	Accessory	30	Equipped		45 Mys	Yes	Combat Initiative -30%
Standard Issue Bravery	Effect	30	20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	+30 Moxie +30 Mysticality Obtained from CSA bravery badge
Wintergreen Warmongery	Effect	30	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from wintergreen-flavored potato chips
Antique Nutcracker Outfit	Outfit	25	Equipped		30 Mus 30 Mys 30 Mox	No	Mysticality +25 Moxie +25 +25% Meat from Monsters +25% Item Drops from Monsters
Bastille Budgeteer	Effect	25	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Bastille Battalion (Murder hole = CANNON) +10% chance of Critical Hit Regenerate 10-20 HP per Adventure
Frog In Your Throat	Effect	25	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Frogade
old school Mafia knickerbockers	Pants	25	Equipped		35 Mox	No	Mafia prize All Attributes +25
Woad Warrior	Effect	25	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from pygmy pygment
wreath of laurels	Hat	25	Equipped		85 Mox	Yes	Maximum HP +25 Maximum MP +25
Industrial Strength Starch	Effect	20	20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from industrial strength starch Mysticality + 20 Moxie + 20
Mafia bow tie	Accessory	20	Equipped		35 Mys	No	Mafia prize Moxie +20
Mafia stogie	Accessory	20	Equipped		35 Mys	No	Mafia prize Mysticality +20
Mafia violin case	Weapon (1H)	20	Equipped		35 Mus	No	Mafia prize Weapon Damage +30
Minioned	Effect	20	10 turns	1 Adventure	Bad Moon	No	Obtained in the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob Mysticality -5 Moxie -5
Radio Free Foil	Weapon (2H)	20	Equipped		60 Mus	No	Part of the Radio Free Regalia
Savage Beast Inside	Effect	20	10 turns	Item Loss	Must be Oxygenarian, if HC	Yes	Obtained from jar of "Creole Lady" marrrmalade
Truly Gritty	Effect	20	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from true grit Bonus Weapon Damage +20
Hammer of Smiting	Weapon (1H)	16	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	+7% Critical Hit Chance SC's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
Abdominal Muscles	Passive Skill	15			Gelatinous Noob	Yes
Antique Arms And Armor	Outfit	15	Equipped		85 Mus	Yes
arse-shooting crossbow	Weapon (2H)	15	Equipped		65 Mox	No	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Allows Arse Shoot
Barbecue Saucy	Effect	15	15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from dollop of barbecue sauce Moxie +15.
battered hubcap	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	15	Equipped		65 Mus	Yes	Maximum HP +100 So-So Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: +14
belt of Ogrekind	Accessory	15	Equipped		40 Mus	No	Muscle +25% +5 Muscle Stats Per Fight
cast-iron legacy paddle	Weapon (2H)	15	Equipped		80 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10
Cat-Herding Prod	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Cassandra7 All Attributes +15 Weapon Damage +10 (vs. lions only)
cursed cutlass	Weapon (1H)	15	Equipped		85 Mus	No	Part of the Cursed Zombie Pirate Costume
dark hamethyst ring	Accessory	15	Equipped		47 Mus	Yes	Critical Hits Deal Extra Damage
defective Golden Mr. Accessory	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	Yes	Custom item given to Invariel (#1043600) Mysticality +15 Moxie +14
Dragonscale breastplate	Shirt	15	Equipped		40 Mus	No	Muscle +25% Serious Resistance to all Elements (+3)
exclusive ultra-rare item	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Phoenix and Mick All Attributes +15
FantasyRealm Warrior's Helm	Hat	15	Equipped		None	Yes
fuzzy bracelets	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Mick All Attributes +15
Golden Mr. Accessory	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +15
headhunter necktie	Accessory	15	Equipped		65 Mys	Yes	Moxie -3 May not equip more than one
mesh cap	Hat	15	Equipped		50 Mox	Yes	Moxie -5
Mr. Accessory	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +15
Ms. Accessory	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +15
Oily Flavor	Effect	15	10 turns	Item Loss 4 spleen	Level 4	Yes	Obtained from oily paste
pristine walrus tusk	Weapon (1H)	15	Equipped		60 Mus	No	+50 Cold Damage
Radio KoL Keychain	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	Radio prize
rainbow pearl earring	Accessory	15	Equipped		200 Mys	No	Rare item All Attributes +15 Sublime Resistance to All Elements May not equip more than one
rainbow pearl necklace	Accessory	15	Equipped		200 Mys	No	Rare item All Attributes +15 Spell Damage +200 May not equip more than one
rainbow pearl ring	Accessory	15	Equipped		200 Mys	No	Rare item All Attributes +15 +40 Spooky Damage +40 Stench Damage +40 Hot Damage +40 Cold Damage +40 Sleaze Damage May not equip more than one
Shot in the Arse	Effect	15	40 turns		None	No	All Attributes +15 Received by being shot by Kucolan's custom item
sparkly engagement ring	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Phoenix All Attributes +15 May not equip more than one
The Ghoul King's ghoulottes	Pants	15	Equipped		40 mus	No	Muscle +25% Maximum HP +100
The Smile of Mr. A.	Buff	15	40 turns		None	No	All Attributes +15
Xlyinia's notebook	Accessory	15	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Xlyinia All Attributes +15
ye olde golde frontes	Accessory	15	Equipped		5 Mox	Yes	Bonus for DBs only May not equip more than one
chintzy seal pendant	Accessory	12	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Moxie +6 Bonus for SCs only May not equip more than one
chintzy turtle brooch	Accessory	12	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +6 Bonus for TTs only May not equip more than one
Elmley shades	Accessory	12	Equipped		75 Mys	Yes	+3% Critical Hit Chance May not equip more than one
filigreed hamethyst ring	Accessory	12	Equipped		40 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Maximum HP +25 Regenerate 2-4 HP per Adventure May not equip more than one
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	Weapon (2H)	11	Equipped		85 Mus	No	All Attributes +11 +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped Awarded to those who find major bugs/a lot of bugs
Chelonian Morningstar	Weapon (1H)	11	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Never Fumble TT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn TT buffs Bonus for TTs only
Claw of the Infernal Seal	Accessory	11	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Regenerate 20-25 HP per adventure 5 Additional Seal Summons Per Day Enchantment works even when item is not equipped (Bonus for Seal Clubbers only) You may not equip more than one of these at a time.
complicated device	Off-Hand Item	11	Equipped		200 Mys	Yes	+1 Stats Per Fight +1 Hot Damage, Cold Damage, Stench Damage, Spooky Damage, and Sleaze Damage +11 Damage to Hot Spells, Cold Spells, Stench Spells, Spooky Spells, and Sleaze Spells +11 to Monster Level +11% Combat Initiative Damage Reduction: 11 Damage Absorption +11 +11% Meat from Monsters +11% Items from Monsters +11 & +11% Mysticality and Moxie +11% Muscle Maximum MP +111 & +111% Maximum HP +111 & +111% Obtained from Grandpa Sea Monkee
Copper Alpha of Sincerity	Accessory	11	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +11 +5% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
Elder Turtle Shell	Hat	11	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	+3 to Familiar Weight Bonus for TTs only
eleven-gallon hat	Hat	11	Equipped		Avatar of West of Loathing	Yes	All Attributes +11 +3 Stat(s) Per Fight
elevenderizing hammer	Weapon (1H)	11	Equipped		11 Mus	No	All Attributes +11 Weapon Damage +11
elevennis shoes	Accessory	11	Equipped		11 Mys	No	All Attributes +11 Maximum HP/MP +11
Fuzzy busby	Hat	11	Equipped		50 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10 Reward to Muscle classes for the Mt. McLargeHuge Quest
Order of the Silver Wossname	Accessory	11	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +11 +11% Items from Monsters +11% Meat from Monsters May not equip more than one
Pink Heart of Spirit	Accessory	11	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +11 +5% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
Scalp of Gorgolok	Hat	11	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +7 Bonus for SCs only
aerogel akubra	Hat	10	Equipped			No	+10% Meat from Monsters Lets you use Spirit Snap multiple times per fight
All Revved Up	Effect	10	Varies		Avatar of Sneaky Pete	No	From Rev Engine skill Mysticality +10 Moxie +10
Anytwo Five Elevenis?	Effect	10	30 turns		None	Yes	Obtained from The Mad Tea Party with an 8-character hat.
barrel beryl choker	Accessory	10	Equipped		30 Mys	Yes	Weapon Damage +10.
bellhop's hat	Hat	10	Equipped		35 Mox	Yes	Helps you blend in at the Ice Hotel
Biceps	Weapon (1H)	10	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes	SC's Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
Bjorn's Hammer	Passive Skill	10			Gelatinous Noob	Yes	Obtained from absorbing certain items
blackberry combat boots	Accessory	10	Equipped		75 Mus	Yes	Maximum HP +45 Weapon Damage +5 May not equip more than one
black greaves	Pants	10	Equipped		65 Mox	Yes	Part of the Black Armaments Damage Absorption +30
Browbeaten	Effect	10	25 turns	Item Loss		Yes	Obtained from old eyebrow pencil Weapon Damage +5 +2 Muscle Stats Per Fight
Boris's ring	Accessory	10	Equipped		25 Mys	Yes
bugbear-smiting sword	Weapon (2H)	10	Equipped		60 Mus	No	A custom item given to Spazworrier Weapon Damage +10
catskin buckler	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	10	Equipped		75 Mus	Yes	Damage Absorption +50 Damage Reduction: +11
Crown of the Goblin King	Hat	10	Equipped		20 Mox	Yes
denim axe	Weapon (2H)	10	Equipped		70 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10
Employee of the Month	Effect	10	20 turns	4 MP	None	No	Obtained from casting Managerial Manipulation Mysticality +10 Moxie +10
gabardine gaiters	Pants	10	Equipped		None	No	Weapon Damage +15 Affects Smacks
filigreed hamethyst necklace	Accessory	10	Equipped		40 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Weapon Damage +8 +3 Extra PvP Fights May not equip more than one
Hagg-ard	Effect	10	20 turns	Item Loss 2 Drunk	Level 2	Yes	Obtained from McLeod's Hard Haggis-Ade
Iron Beta of Industry	Accessory	10	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +10 +6% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
optimal spreadsheet	Off-Hand Item	10	Equipped		None	No	An ultra-rare item All Attributes +10 +5 Extra PvP Fights +20 to Monster Level
Orange Star of Sacrifice	Accessory	10	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +10 +6% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
paraffin punching bag	Accessory	10	Equipped		None	No	+10 Hot Damage Lets you unleash a prismatic attack May not equip more than one
PirateRealm party hat	Hat	10	Equipped		None	No	Mysticality +10 Moxie +10 Gain more FunPoints during PirateRealm adventures
polyalloy shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	10	Equipped		55 Mus	No	Slight Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: +9
Pork Power	Effect	10	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from: an bacon bath ball or myrrh-soaked, chocolate-covered bacon bath ball
Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith	Effect	10	5-15 turns	5 MP	None	Yes	Obtained from casting The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith Maximum HP +20
Radio Free Jersey	Shirt	10	Equipped		Torso Awaregness	No	A custom item given to Amplitude All Attributes +10 Serious Resistance to All Elements May not equip more than one
Radio KoL Coffee Mug	Container	10			None	No	All Attributes +10 +10 Hot Damage A custom item given to KolMohDee
Rainy Soul Miasma	Effect	10	1/5/10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Mysticality +10 Moxie -5 Obtained from picture of a dead guy's girlfriend and thin black candle Randomly obtained from fancy chocolate and Yummy Tummy bean
ring of gain strength	Accessory	10	Equipped		25 Mys	Yes
snailmail coif	Hat	10	Equipped		67 Mox Turtle Tamer class, if in HC	Yes	Damage Reduction: +8
velour vambraces	Accessory	10	Equipped		None	No	+30% Candy Drops Triples the damage of Spectral Snapper
Voluminous Radio Sneakers	Accessory	10	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +10 Part of the Primitive Radio Duds May not equip more than one
catskin cap	Hat	9	Equipped		75 Mox	Yes	Maximum HP +40
Nickel Gamma of Frugality	Accessory	9	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +9 +7% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
rusty chain necklace	Accessory	9	Equipped		75 Mys	Yes	Maximum HP +25
Yellow Moon of Compassion	Accessory	9	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +9 +7% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
black cowboy hat	Hat	8	Equipped		67 Mox	Yes	Weapon Damage +8
eight-gallon hat	Hat	8	Equipped		Avatar of West of Loathing	Yes	All Attributes +8 +3 Stat(s) Per Fight
filigreed hamethyst earring	Accessory	8	Equipped		40 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	+5% Critical Hit Chance
Green Clover of Justice	Accessory	8	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +8 +8% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
star sword	Weapon (2H)	8	Equipped		67 Mus	Yes
Zinc Delta of Tranquility	Accessory	8	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +8 +8% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
Aluminum Epsilon of Humility	Accessory	7	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +7 +9% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
asbestos sword	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +5
barskin cloak	Back Item	7	Equipped		75 Mys	Yes
black belt	Accessory	7	Equipped		60 Mys	Yes	Weapon Damage +7 May not equip more than one
blackberry galoshes	Accessory	7	Equipped		75 Mus	Yes	All Attributes +7 May not equip more than one
Blue Diamond of Honesty	Accessory	7	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +7 +9% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
Bugfinder Blade	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		75 Mus	No	All Attributes +7 +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped Awarded to people who find a few bugs
chrome sword	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		35 Mus	Yes	+3 Extra Rollover Adventures
centurion helmet	Hat	7	Equipped		35 Mox	No	All Attributes +7
eXtreme meat sword	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes
Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform	Outfit	7	Equipped		15 Mus 15 Mox	Yes	Allows shopping in the Laboratory
linoleum sword	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		40 Mus	Yes	Spell Damage +7
Mace of the Tortoise	Weapon (1H)	7	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes	TT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn TT buffs (all classes) Bonus for TTs only
pig-iron helm	Hat	7	Equipped		30 Mox Baby Sandworm familiar, if in HC	Yes	Weapon Damage +10 Available to Seal Clubbers and Turtle Tamers only
pirate fledges	Accessory	7	Equipped		60 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +7 Allows access to the Obligatory Pirate's Cove (in disguise) without Swashbuckling Getup
pygmy spear	Weapon (1H)	7	Equipped		67 Mus	Yes
shuddersword	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
Spirit Precipice	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +5 +20% Critical Hit Chance Does 12-24 damage to player on criticals
Star Garb	Outfit	7	Equipped		75 Mys 75 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +7
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	Weapon (2H)	7	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	+5 Extra Rollover Adventures
1337 7r0uZ0RZ	Pants	6	Equipped		40 Mox	Yes	Moxie -3
Black Armaments	Outfit	6	Equipped		65 Mus 65 Mox	Yes
chintzy disco ball pendant	Accessory	6	Equipped		45 Mox	Yes	Moxie +12 Bonus for DBs only May not equip more than one
chintzy noodle ring	Accessory	6	Equipped		45 Mys	Yes	Mysticality +12 Bonus for Ps only May not equip more than one
duct tape dockers	Pants	6	Equipped		82 Mox	Yes	Part of the Tapered Threads All Attributes +6 Slight Resistance to All Elements
oversized pipe	Weapon (1H)	6	Equipped		72 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +6
Lead Zeta of Chastity	Accessory	6	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +6 +10% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
manly bloomers	Pants	6	Equipped		12 Mox Pickpocket class if HC	Yes	Moxie -3
Purple Horseshoe of Honor	Accessory	6	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +6 +10% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
slime-covered necklace	Accessory	6	Equipped		200 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +6
snake shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	6	Equipped		42 Mus	Yes	Gives serpentine sword +10 more Monster Level when wielded together Damage Reduction: +7
Spiky Hair	Effect	6	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Moxie +6 Obtained from super-spiky hair gel
asbestos crossbow	Weapon (2H)	5	Equipped		40 Mox	Yes	Moxie +7
astronaut pants	Pants	5	Equipped		72 Mox	No	Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +30
badass belt	Accessory	5	Equipped		35 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5
Baron von Ratsworth's tophat	Hat	5	Equipped		22 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +5
beach glass necklace	Accessory	5	Equipped		20 Mys	Yes
beaver spear	Weapon (1H)	5	Equipped		47 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10
black shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	5	Equipped		65 Mus	Yes	Part of the Black Armaments Maximum HP +20 Damage Reduction: +10
Blessing of the War Snapper	Effect	5	Intrinsic	15 MP	Turtle Tamer	Yes	Weapon Damage +5
bobble-hip hula elf doll	Off-Hand Item	5	Equipped		5 Mys	No	All Attributes +5 +15% Meat from Monsters
Bonerdagon necklace	Accessory	5	Equipped		25 Mys	Yes	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +30%
bowler	Hat	5	Equipped		35 Mox	No	Part of the Bow Tux
Bubble, Bubble	Effect	5	5 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Moxie -5 Obtained from alphabet gum
buffalo blade	Weapon (2H)	5	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	+3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome helmet turtle	Hat	5	Equipped		45 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +5
crying statue earrings	Accessory	5	Equipped		None	Yes	Maximum HP +100 This item will disappear at the end of the day. You may not equip more than one of these at a time
Disdain of the War Snapper	Effect	5	10 turns	15 MP		Yes	Obtained from casting Blessing of the War Snapper when NOT a TT Weapon Damage +5
easter egg balloon	Off-Hand Item	5	Equipped		35 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5
Extra Backbone	Effect	5	15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from really thick spine 1 Muscle Stats Per Fight
Faboooo	Effect	5	20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Fabiotion Weapon Damage +10
funny paper hat	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5
giant clay ashtray	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	5	Equipped		None	Yes	Obtained from My Own Pen Pal kit Damage Reduction: +3
giant motorcycle boots	Accessory	5	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	+10 Damage vs. Ghosts
gingham blouse	Shirt	5	Equipped		35 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes
gnoll-tooth necklace	Accessory	5	Equipped		10 Mys	Yes
Gonna Get You, Sucker	Effect	5	10 turns	None	None	No	Obtained once per day from all-year sucker Mysticality +5 Moxie +5
Great S-Cape	Back Item	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5
hamethyst ring	Accessory	5	Equipped		10 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Maximum HP +10 Regenerate 2-4 HP per Adventure May not equip more than one
hippo skin buckler	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	5	Equipped		30 Mus	Yes	Damage Reduction: +5
hot cross bow	Weapon (2H)	5	Equipped		45 Mox	Yes	Moxie +7 +5 Hot Damage
indie comic hipster glasses	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	Weapon (2H)	5	Equipped		20 Mus	Yes
Knob Goblin deluxe scimitar	Weapon (1H)	5	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes
liar's pants	Pants	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5 +10 Hot Damage
misfit hobby horse	Off-Hand Item	5	Equipped		None	No	+5 Stench Damage
Misty Cloak	Back Item	5	Equipped		75 Mus	Yes	Regenerate 4-8 HP per adventure Reward for completing the Orc Chasm Quest as a Muscle class.
Mr. Accessory Jr.	Accessory	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5 +25% Items from Monsters
outrageous sombrero	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5 Combat Initiative -20%
oyster egg balloon	Off-Hand Item	5	Equipped		35 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5
Peppermint Bite	Effect	5	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Crimbo peppermint bark Requires the Summon Crimbo Candy skill
pixel shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	5	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes	Damage Reduction: +3
Pumped Up	Effect	5	10 turns		1 Adventure	Yes	Obtained from Ennui is Wasted on the Young
Red Balloon of Valor	Accessory	5	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5 +11% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
rhinestone cowboy shirt	Shirt	5	Equipped		35 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes
rib of the Bonerdagon	Weapon (2H)	5	Equipped		25 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15 Must have any monster aggravation device set to 5 to acquire
severed flipper	Weapon (1H)	5	Equipped		25 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +5 Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
Superhero Reboots	Accessory	5	Equipped	Comic-Con 2012 code	None	No	All Attributes +5 Combat Initiative +10% Help You Run Faster
turtlemail coif	Hat	5	Equipped		25 Mox	Yes	Damage Reduction: +4
shiny hood ornament	Accessory	5	Equipped		80 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5 Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +30 Combat Initiative +10%
space trooper helmet	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5
star shirt	Shirt	5	Equipped		67 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes	All Attributes +5
star stiletto	Weapon (1H)	5	Equipped		52 Mus	Yes
superhero mask	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5
Tamarind Torment	Effect	5	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Moxie -5 Obtained from tamarind-flavored chewing gum
Tingly Biceps	Effect	5	3-5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Randomly obtained from phonics down
tiny plastic Boris	Accessory	5	Equipped		None	No	Mysticality +3 Moxie +3
tiny plastic Susie	Accessory	5	Equipped		5 Mys	No	All Attributes +5
Uranium Omega of Temperance	Accessory	5	Equipped		85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +5 +11% Items from Monsters May not equip more than one
wad of Crovacite	Off-Hand Item	5	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Crovax1234 All Attributes +5 +5 Spooky Damage
webbed comic mask	Hat	5	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +5 May not equip in Hardcore
wrench bracelet	Accessory	5	Equipped		75 Mys	Yes	Weapon Damage +9
bowl of petunias	Off-hand item	4	Equipped		44 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +4 +4 Stat(s) Per Fight +4 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped. Regenerate 4-8 HP and MP per adventure
eXtreme nose ring	Accessory	4	Equipped		10 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +4
hamethyst necklace	Accessory	4	Equipped		10 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Weapon Damage +5 +3 Extra PvP Fights May not equip more than one
"Humorous" T-shirt	Shirt	4	Equipped		35 Mus Torso Awaregness	No	All Attributes +4 2x Fumble Chance
KoL Con IV Pole	Off-Hand Item	4	Equipped		10 Mys	No	Maximum HP +4 Maximum MP +4 All Attributes +4 +4 Hot Damage
Leapin' Trousers	Pants	4	Equipped		None	No	+4 Mysticality +4 Moxie +1 Adventure when equiped Given to artists of the 2012 Calendar of Loathing
ocarina of space	Weapon (2H)	4	Equipped		45 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +4 Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
ridiculously huge sword	Weapon (3H)	4	Equipped		55 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +12
savory sword	Weapon (1H)	4	Equipped		25 Mus	Yes
Super Magic Power Sword X	Weapon (1H)	4	Equipped		35 Mus	Yes	Combat Initiative +20% +5% Critical Hit Chance
wolf mask	Hat	4	Equipped		60 Mox	Yes	Part of the Furry Suit Moxie +5
Barney's rake	Weapon (2H)	3	Equipped		None	Yes	+3 Spooky Damage Given as a starting weapon during a Zombie Slayer challenge run.
basic meat spork	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		7 Mys	Yes	Weapon Damage +3
batskin belt	Accessory	3	Equipped			Yes	All Attributes +3
Boss Bat bling	Accessory	3	Equipped		17 Mys	Yes	Moxie +3 Must have any monster aggravation device set to 8 to acquire
bubblewrap sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Moxie +2
cardboard box turtle	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	3	Equipped		20 Mus	Yes	Damage Reduction: +4
cardboard sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +3
Corruption of Wretched Wally	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Weapon Damage +3 Regenerate 3-5 HP per Adventure Only available to Seal Clubbers Obtained from tainted seal's blood
Choker of the Ultragoth	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Damage to Spooky Spells May not equip more than one
cyborg doll	Off-Hand Item	3	Equipped		40 Mys	No
dense meat sword	Weapon (2H)	3	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes
elephant stinger	Weapon (2H)	3	Equipped		22 Mus	Yes	50% chance of poisoning opponent
flaming cardboard sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		20 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +3 +3 Hot Damage
Frost™ brand sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		20 Mus	Yes	Monster Level +3 +3 Cold Damage
gnauga hide buckler	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	3	Equipped		30 Mus Moxie moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Part of the Gnauga Hides All Attributes +3 Damage Reduction: +5
hamethyst bracelet	Accessory	3	Equipped		10 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	+5% Critical Hit Chance May not equip more than one
hamethyst earring	Accessory	3	Equipped		10 Mys Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	+5% Critical Hit Chance
Heart of Green	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 +3 to Familiar Weight Obtained from green candy heart
Heart of Lavender	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 10% Item Drops from Monsters Obtained from lavender candy heart
Heart of Orange	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 +5 Hot Damage +5 Damage to Hot Spells Regenerate 5-6 HP and 5-6 MP per adventure Obtained from orange candy heart
Heart of Pink	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 +15% Meat from Monsters Obtained from pink candy heart
Heart of White	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 +1 Stat(s) Per Fight Familiar gains 1 extra experience per Combat Obtained from white candy heart
Heart of Yellow	Effect	3	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +3 Combat Initiative +20% Obtained from yellow candy heart
Ice-Cold Aluminum Necklace	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Damage to Cold Spells May not equip more than one
Ice-Cold Beer Ring	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Cold Damage May not equip more than one
Junior Adventurer's merit badge	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +3 May not equip more than one
killer rag doll	Off-Hand Item	3	Equipped		40 Mys	No
Knob Goblin elite helm	Hat	3	Equipped		15 Mox	Yes	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform
Knob Goblin elite shirt	Shirt	3	Equipped		2 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes
leather mask	Hat	3	Equipped		15 Mox	Yes	Moxie -3
Mad at Science	Effect	3	5 turns	1 Adventure	None	Yes	Obtained from Sub-Assistant Knob Mad Scientist OR Using mysterious chemical residue, sometimes
meat cowboy hat	Hat	3	Equipped		5 Mox	Yes
meatloaf helmet	Hat	3	Equipped		12 Mox	Yes	Weapon Damage +1
meaty helmet turtle	Hat	3	Equipped		20 Mox	Yes
Mr. Balloon	Off-Hand Item	3	Equipped		None	Yes	All Attributes +3
Mudflap-Girl Necklace	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Damage to Sleaze Spells May not equip more than one
Mudflap-Girl Ring	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Sleaze Damage May not equip more than one
Orcish baseball cap	Hat	3	Equipped		15 Mox	Yes	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble Mysticality -3
Orcish cargo shorts	Pants	3	Equipped		15 Mox	Yes	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble Mysticality -3
painted shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	3	Equipped		45 Mus	Yes	All Attributes +3 +2 Spooky Damage +2 Stench Damage +2 Hot Damage +2 Cold Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
Pendant of Fire	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Damage to Hot Spells May not equip more than one
pestoblade	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes	+3 Stench Damage
Putrid Pendant	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Damage to Stench Spells May not equip more than one
rag doll	Off-Hand Item	3	Equipped		40 Mys	No
Ring of Fire	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Hot Damage May not equip more than one
Ring of the Sewer Snake	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Stench Damage May not equip more than one
Senior LAAAAME merit badge	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +3
severed rocking horse head	Accessory	3	Equipped		10 Mys	No	All Attributes +3
shiny ring	Accessory	3	Equipped		10 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +3
soggy wofl t-shirt	Shirt	3	Equipped		7 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes
starchy sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		5 Mus	Yes
styrofoam sword	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Monster Level +3
sword of static	Weapon (1H)	3	Equipped		22 Mus	Yes	Moxie +2 Regenerate 2-4 MP per Adventure
Talisman o' Namsilat	Accessory	3	Equipped		25 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +3 Required to access The Palindome May not equip more than one
tattered paper crown	Hat	3	Equipped		15 Mus	No
The Ring	Accessory	3	Equipped		60 Mys	No	All Attributes +3 +40 Spooky Damage May not equip more than one
tiny plastic Battlesuit Bugbear Type	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No
tiny plastic Jarlsberg	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No	Mysticality +5 Moxie +3
tiny plastic Knob Goblin King	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No
tiny plastic Sneaky Pete	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No	Moxie +5 Mysticality +3
tiny plastic strand of DNA	Accessory	3	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +3
white belt	Accessory	3	Equipped		5 Mys	Yes	Weapon Damage +3 May not equip more than one
wooden axe	Weapon (2H)	3	Equipped		15 Mus Mysticality moon sign	Yes
wumpus-hair sweater	Shirt	3	Equipped		40 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes	All Attributes +3 Maximum HP/MP +30
barskin buckler	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	2	Equipped		None	Yes	Damage Reduction: +1
bubblewrap staff	Weapon (2H)	2	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +3
Dolphin King's crown	Hat	2	Equipped		2 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +2
dripping meat sword	Weapon (1H)	2	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes
drywall axe	Weapon (2H)	2 and 3%	Equipped		60 Mus	Yes	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail	Shirt	2	Equipped		7 Mox Torso Awaregness	Yes	So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2) Regenerate 2-22 HP and MP per adventure
Knob Goblin Uberpants	Pants	2	Equipped		7 Mox	Yes	All Attributes +2
muculent machete	Weapon (1H)	2	Equipped		15 Mus	Yes	+5% Meat from Monsters
pimpin' meat hat	Hat	2	Equipped		12 Mox	Yes	Moxie +2
pixel hat	Hat	2	Equipped		10 Mox	Yes	Part of the 8-Bit Finery All Attributes +2
Seal Clubbing Frenzy	Effect	2	5 turns	1 MP	None	Yes	Obtained by casing Seal Clubbing Frenzy
spork	Weapon (1H)	2	Equipped		None	Yes
star buckler	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	2	Equipped		67 Mus	Yes	Part of the Star Garb All Attributes +2 Damage Reduction: +10
Steroid Boost	Effect	2	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Lose 15 Sarcasm Obtained from Knob Goblin steroids
tiny plastic seal clubber	Accessory	2	Equipped		None	No	Moxie +1
tiny plastic turtle tamer	Accessory	2	Equipped		None	No	Mysticality +1
white hat hacker T-shirt	Shirt	2	Equipped		17 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes	+3% Critical Hit Chance All Attributes +2
white snakeskin duster	Shirt	2	Equipped		7 Mus Torso Awaregness	Yes	Maximum HP +10
white sword	Weapon (1H)	2	Equipped		5 Mus	Yes
wiffle-flail	Weapon (2H)	2	Equipped		22 Mus	Yes	Mysticality +3 Combat Initiative +20%
anniversary balsa wood socks	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
anniversary burlap belt	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
anniversary chutney sculpture	Off-Hand Item	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
anniversary concrete fedora	Hat	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
anniversary safety glass vest	Shirt	1	Equipped		Torso Awaregness	No	All Attributes +1
anniversary pewter cape	Back Item	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
barskin hat	Hat	1	Equipped		12 Mox	Yes
barskin loincloth	Pants	1	Equipped		None	Yes
basic meat helmet	Hat	1	Equipped		5 Mox	Yes
basic meat sword	Weapon (2H)	1	Equipped		5 Mus	Yes
box turtle	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	1	Equipped		10 Mus	Yes	Damage Reduction: +3
bucket of anniversary lard	Weapon (1H)	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
consolation ribbon	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
elven socks	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	Slight Cold Resistance
helmet turtle	Hat	1	Equipped		None	Yes
jar of anniversary jam	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	Yes	All Attributes +1
Junior LAAAAME merit badge	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
Knob Goblin pants	Pants	1	Equipped		None	Yes
Knob Goblin scimitar	Weapon (1H)	1	Equipped		None	Yes
Mr. Shirt	Shirt	1	Equipped		Torso Awaregness	No	All Attributes +1 Normally unobtainable
off-hand balloon	Off-Hand Item	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
patent leather shoes	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	Slight Hot Resistance
Patience of the Tortoise	Effect	1	5 turns	1 MP	None	Yes	Maximum HP +4 Obtained from casing Patience of the Tortoise
samurai turtle helmet	Hat	1	Equipped		None	Yes	Weapon Damage +2
second-hand knockoff engagement ring	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	A custom item given to Mr Magnifico All Attributes +1 May not equip more than one
spandex anniversary shorts	Pants	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
Standard Cheer	Effect	1	20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Mysticality +1 Moxie +1 HP +1 MP +1 Damage Absorption +1 Damage Reduction +1 Obtained from Government-issued candy
string of red beads	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	Yes
stick-on eyebrow piercing	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	Yes	Can block attacks, but eventually breaks
tiny plastic disco bandit	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	Moxie +2
tiny plastic pastamancer	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	Mysticality +2
tiny plastic Scream Queen	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
tiny plastic taco-clad Crimbo elf	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
tiny plastic Uncle Crimbo	Accessory	1	Equipped		None	No	All Attributes +1
viking helmet	Hat	1	Equipped		None	Yes
Bloody Hand	Effect	-1	3 turns		None	Yes	Obtained from seal tooth
Sunburned	Effect	-2	3 turns		1 Adventure	Yes	Moxie -2 Obtained from Sun at Noon, Tan Us
draggin' ball hat	Hat	-3	Equipped		35 Mox	Yes	Moxie +6
Hardly Poisoned at All	Effect	-3 and -10%	5/10 turns	Item Loss/ N/A	None	Yes	All Attributes -10% All Attributes -3 Obtained from bag of airline peanuts, deadly nightshade, and marzipan skull Randomly obtained from fancy but probably evil chocolate and Yummy Tummy bean
Missing Fingers	Effect	-3	3 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Knob Goblin firecracker
Wussiness	Effect	-3	3/5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from wussiness potion Randomly obtained from Yummy Tummy bean
leather chaps	Pants	-4	Equipped		65 Mox	Yes	Moxie +8
Ancient Annoying Serpent Poison	Adventure	-5	Intrinsic		None	Yes	Mysticality -5 Moxie -5 Obtained from one of the three adventures in the copperhead club Shen Copperhead, Nightclub Owner, Shen Copperhead, Jerk, Shen Copperhead, Huge Jerk
A Little Bit Poisoned	Effect	-5 and -30%	10 turns		1 Adventure	Yes	All Attributes -30% All Attributes -5 Obtained from whitesnake
Axe Wound	Effect	-5	10 turns		1 Adventure	Yes	Obtained from lumberjack supervisor, lumberjill, and lumberjuan
Chronologically Pummeled	Effect	-5	10 turns	1 Adventure	Bad Moon	No	Obtained in The Sleazy Back Alley Mysticality -5 Moxie +20
Enhanced Archaeologist	Effect	-5	10 turns	1 Adventure	Bad Moon	No	Obtained at The Haunted Pantry Mysticality +20 Moxie -5
Gnawed-Off Arm	Effect	-5	5 turns	1 Adventure	None	No	Obtained from Coyote Ugly (Arm Loss) Occurs during St. Sneaky Pete's Day Stupor
Mystic Pickleness	Effect	-5	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Mysticality +5 Obtained from pickle-flavored chewing gum
Spicy Limeness	Effect	-5	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Moxie +5 Obtained from lime-and-chile-flavored chewing gum
Somewhat Poisoned	Effect	-7 and -50%	10 turns	1 Adventure	None	Yes	All Attributes -50% All Attributes -7 Obtained from Spectral Jellyfish and swarm of killer bees
Really Quite Poisoned	Effect	-9 and -70%	5/10 turns	1 Adventure	None	Yes	Obtained from fighting a black widow, black adder, or tomb asp All Attributes -70% All Attributes -9
Gothy	Effect	-10	10/20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Mysticality +20 Moxie -10 Obtained from gloomy mushroom wine, spooky eyeliner, spooky lipstick Obtained randomly from fancy chocolate
Grilled	Effect	-10	5 turns	1 Adventure	None	Yes	Obtained from 7-Foot Dwarf Foreman
stone baseball cap	Hat	-10	Equipped		82 Mox	Yes	Damage Reduction: +10 Weapon Damage +15
Majorly Poisoned	Effect	-11 and -90%	5/10	1 Adventure	None	Yes	Obtained in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert or using Wine Cellar Glyphs All Attributes -90% All Attributes -11
Your #1 Problem	Effect	-20	10 turns	1 Adventure	Bad Moon	No	Obtained in The Haunted Bathroom All Attributes -20
Bruised	Effect	-100	1 turn	1 Adventure	None	Yes	Obtained from X-32-F Combat Training Snowman Mysticality -100 Moxie -100

Percentage Increases

Percentage increases will increase (or decrease) your Muscle by a percentage of your base Muscle.

Source	Source Type	Incr	Duration	Cost	Prereq	HC Available	Notes
Rumpel-pumped	Item	400%	5 turns	Item Loss	Grimstone Golem familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from Rümpelstiltz Mysticality +400% Moxie +400%
Puissant Pressure	Item	300%	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from pressurized potion of puissance
A Contender	Food	200%	40 turns	Item Loss 2 full	Rock Lobster familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from rocky road ice cream Mysticality +200% Moxie +200%
Incredibly Hulking	Item	200%	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Ferrigno's Elixir of Power Obtained randomly from fancy but probably evil chocolate
Juiced Out	Item	200%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Mer-kin strongjuice Mysticality -100% Moxie -100%
New and Improved	Item	200%	20 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from warbear rejuvenation potion Mysticality and Moxie +200% +100% Combat Initiative +25% Chance of Spell Critical Hit +25% Chance of Critial Hit
Adrenaline Rush	Item	100%	50 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Can only be used on Dependence Day Can only be used once per day (resets on ascension) Obtained from M-242
Army of One	Item	100%	50 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Ultrasoldier Serum
Crotchety, Pining	Item	100%	100 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from handful of Crotchety Pine needles
Fitter, Happier	Effect	100%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained by using a BUFF TARGET command against a bizarre construct Mysticality +100%
Gr8ness	Item	100%	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +100% Obtained from potion of temporary gr8ness
lead pipe	Weapon (1H)	100%				Yes	Maximum HP +50 Obtained from Draw a Card (Lead Pipe) This item will disappear at the end of the day.
Memory of Strength	Item	100%	1 turn	Item Loss	Baby Sandworm familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained by using a memory of a CA base pair during combat
Mighty Shout	Skill	100%	1 turn	Variable MP	Baby Sandworm familiar, if in HC	Yes	Only available when adventuring in the Jungles of Ancient Loathing
Phorcefullness	Item	100%	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from philter of phorce
Prince of Seaside Town	Effect	100%	30 turns	Adventure	None	No	All Attributes +100% Obtained from vamping out
Purity of Spirit	Item	100%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from cold-filtered water Mysticality +100% Moxie +100%
test case	Accessory	100%	Always			Yes	All Attributes +100% Maximum HP/MP +10,000 +10,000% Item Drops from Monsters +10 Monster Level Run Away always works Grants 10 Adventures of Aykrophobia at Rollover A custom item for Jick
Trivia Master	Item	100%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained by reading a fourth Trivial Avocations Card while having the effects of the other three Mysticality +100% Moxie +100%
Watched Over	Effect	100%	100 turns	None	20 Myst	No	Obtained by wearing a Crimbolex watch at rollover Mysticality +100% Moxie +100%
Macho Profundo	Item	60%	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Moxie +60% Obtained from mafia aria with a support cummerbund equipped
Amorphous Cheer	Food	50%	10/20 turns	Item Loss 2 Full	Level 7	No	Obtained from blob-shaped Crimbo cookie All Attributes +50%
dented scepter	Weapon (1H)	50%			10 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +50% Chance of Critical Hit +10% Regenerate 5-10 HP per adventure +5 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight Obtained from Witchess King This item will disappear at the end of the day
Brimstone Bludgeon	Weapon (1H)	50%			30 Mus	Yes	Mysticality -20% Weapon Damage +30 SC's BM reward
Brimstone Bunker	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	50%			30 Mus	Yes	Moxie -20% TT's BM reward Damage Reduction: +25
Ham-Fisted	Item	50%	5-50 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from a vial, flask or jug of hamethyst juice Bonus Weapon Damage +11
Headstrong	Food	50%	50 turns	Item loss 2 Full	Level 6	Yes	Epic food item Max HP increased by 100 Weapon damage +25 Obtained from Wal-Mart at the Glaciest
In Vino Vires	Booze	50%	20 turns	Item Loss 3 Drunk	Level 5	No	Obtained from canteen of wine All Attributes +50%
It Didn't Kill You	Adventure	50%	20 turns	5 hobo nickels Adventure	None	No	Obtained from hobo market
Pasty	Food	50%	10 turns	Item Loss 2 full	Baby Sandworm familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained by eating protein paste
Pride of the Vampire	Effect	50%	30 turns	Adventure	None	No	All Attributes +50% Obtained from vamping out
Seriously Mutated	Item	50%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Extra-potent gremlin mutagen
Shamed & Manipulated	Adventure	50%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained at Orcish Frat House (in disguise) Moxie -50%
Shield of the Skeleton Lord	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	50%			50 Mus	No	+50 to Monster Level +5 to Familiar Weight
Snobby	Effect	50%	3 turns		85 Mox	No	Obtained when critical hitting a monster with a 7-inch discus All Attributes +50%
The Rage	Adventure	50%	10 turns	None	Bad Moon	No	Obtained at the Orcish Frat House (undisguised) Mysticality -50%
Tomato Power	Item	50%	5-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +50% Obtained from tomato juice of powerful power
Wolfish Form	Effect	50%	1 turn		Must have Vampyric cloake	Yes	+50% Meat from Monsters Obtained from casting the skill Become a Wolf with the vampyric cloake equipped You can use the vampyric cloake skills a total of ten times per day, and only once per combat However, the skills can stack with each other if you use multiple free fights
Yuletide Industry	Food	50%	20 turns	Item Loss 3 Full	Level 5	No	Obtained from elven limbos gingerbread All Attributes +50%
Electrician's hardhat	Hat	40%			85 Mus	Yes	+40% to Food Drops Regenerate 10-20 MP per Adventure
Wal-Mart snowglobe	Off-Hand Item	40%			50 Mus	Yes	+4 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight +5 to Familiar Weight
Ack! Barred!	Adventure	30%	20 turns	3 Adventures	Llama Lama familiar, if HC	Yes	Obtained from Path of the Roach
Cold Blooded	Item	30%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	Mysticality +20% Moxie +10% +10 Cold Damage So-So Cold Resistance Stat gains Obtained from cold wad
Hot Blooded	Item	30%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	Mysticality +10% Moxie +20% +10 Hot Damage So-So Hot Resistance Stat gains Obtained from hot wad
Frosty's nailbat	Weapon (2H)	30%			200 Mus	No	+3% chance of a critical hit +30 Cold Damage Bonus only applies to Seal Clubbers Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments
plexiglass pikestaff	Weapon (2H)	30%			75 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +25 +9 Extra PvP Fights SC's HCO reward
plexiglass pith helmet	Hat	30%			75 Mox	Yes	+5 to Familiar Weight Regenerate 10-12 HP per Adventure Regenerate 10-12 MP per Adventure TT's HCO reward
Rainbow Bright	Item	30%	10 turns	Item Loss 3 Spleen	Level 7	Yes	Obtained from prismatic wad +15 Hot Damage +15 Cold Damage +15 Stench Damage +15 Spooky Damage +15 Sleaze Damage All Attributes +30% Serious Resistance to All Elements
Sugar Smacks	Item	30%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Sometimes obtained from an elven suicide capsule
V for Vivala mask	Accessory	30%			None	No	+10% Critical Hit Chance Combat Items do 50% extra damage +1-3 Stat Gains from Fights Enables use of Creepy Grin once per day Critical hits are extra-explosive; possible effects include: +4 Stat Gains from Fights (if finishing blow was critical) Gain 1 Adventure Stun Hot Damage Physical Damage Steal items Cannot be equipped at same time as Juju Mojo Mask May not equip more than one
Weather, Man	Item	30%	20 turns	Item Loss	Llama Lama familiar, if HC	Yes	Obtained from Climate Colada Takes 12 adventures to obtain as a drop All Attributes +30%
Zombo's shoulder blade	Weapon (2H)	30%			200 Mus	No	Weapon Damage +30%
belt of Ogrekind	Accessory	25%			40 Mus	No	Muscle +15 +5 Muscle Stats Per Fight
Bonelording	Effect	25%	20 turns	Adventure (if no free rest available)	None	Yes	Obtained by resting at your campsite with a Lazybones™ recliner in your dwelling. Muscle +25% Moxie +25% +25 Spooky Damage
Dragonscale breastplate	Shirt	25%			40 Mus	No	Muscle +15 Serious Resistance to all Elements (+3)
Extreme Muscle Relaxation	Item	25%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Combat Initiative -50% Obtained from Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub.
Hella Tough	The Styx Pixie	25%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Bonus Weapon Damage +10 Damage Reduction: +5
Mutated	Item	25%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from gremlin mutagen All Attributes +25%
Strength of Ten Ettins	Item	25%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Dungeons of Doom potion Potion effect randomize per person, per ascension
sugar shorts	Pants	25%			None	Yes	All Attributes +25% Obtained by using a sugar sheet
The Ghoul King's ghoulottes	Pants	25%			40 mus	No	Muscle +15 Maximum HP +100
Chester's muscle shirt	Shirt	20%			200 Mus Torso Awaregness	No	+10 Damage Reduction
Fastbreaker	Item	20%	20 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Sometimes obtained from vitachoconutriment capsule
Flower Power	Food/Booze	20%	3 turns	3 Full or 3 Drunk Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes +20% Obtained from flower petal pie and shot of flower schnapps
Frosty's old silk hat	Hat	20%			200 Mus	No	+30 Cold Damage Bonus granted to Seal Clubbers only Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments
hardened slime hat	Hat	20%			200 Mox	No	Serious Resistance to All Elements +10 Damage Reduction
Hodgman's bow tie	Accessory	20%			200 Mys	No	All Attributes +20% +25 Hobo Power Part of Hodgman's Regal Frippery May not equip more than one
Hodgman's imaginary hamster	Off-Hand Item	20%			200 Mys	No	All Attributes +20% Converts Hobo Power to + Meat Drops, + Item Drops, and HP and MP Regeneration
Hodgman's lobsterskin pants	Pants	20%			200 Mox	No	All Attributes +20% +25 Hobo Power Part of Hodgman's Regal Frippery
Hodgman's porkpie hat	Hat	20%			200 Mox	No	All Attributes +20% +25 Hobo Power Part of Hodgman's Regal Frippery
Hodgman's whackin' stick	Weapon (1H)	20%			200 Mus	No	All Attributes +20% Insanity effects on critical hits
Hopped Up on Goofballs	Item	20%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Moxie +20% Obtained from bottle of goofballs Can result in Goofball Withdrawal
In the Limelight	Item	20%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from lime supersucker Mysticality +20% Moxie +20%
marble maebari	Pants	20%			40 Mus	Yes	+20 Sleaze Damage Deals Passive Damage to attackers
Novelty Belt Buckle of Violence	Accessory	20%			125 Mys	No	+5% Critical Hit Chance Weapon Damage +30% Casts reflections of your spells May not equip more than one
Ringing Ears	Item	20%	10 turns	Item Loss	Green Pixie familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from a bellhop bell Mysticality -20%
Stenchtastic	Item	20%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	Mysticality +30% Moxie +10% +10 Stench Damage So-So Stench Resistance Stat gains Obtained from stench wad
Super-Mega-Ultra-Hyper-Charged	Item	20%	5 turns		Moxie moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer when used against monsters of high enough level All Attributes +20% Demodulizer effects do not stack with each other
terra cotta trousers	Pants	20%			40 Mus	No	+5 to Familiar Weight Lets you unleash a terra cotta army on your foes
Uncle Hobo's epic beard	Accessory	20%			200 Mys	No	+6 Extra Rollover Adventures (+9 in December) Part of Uncle Hobo's Rags
Xiblaxian stealth vest	Shirt	20%				No	Monsters will be less attracted to you
Zombo's skullcap	Hat	20%			200 Mus	No	+10 Familiar Weight Bonus for Turtle Tamers only Part of Dire Drifter Duds
Zombo's shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	20%			200 Mus	No	+30 Spooky Damage +50 Damage Absorption Bonus for Turtle Tamers only Part of Dire Drifter Duds
antique nutcracker boots	Accessory	15%	Always		30 Mus	No	Part of the Antique Nutcracker Outfit Weapon Damage +15
antique nutcracker sword	Weapon (1H)	15%	Always		30 Mus	No	Part of the Antique Nutcracker Outfit Weapon Damage +30%
antique nutcracker waistcoat	Shirt	15%	Always		30 Mus Torso Awaregness	No	Part of the Antique Nutcracker Outfit +3 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped
card sleeve	Off-Hand Item	15%				Yes	With an Alice's Army Foil Horseman in the sleeve All Attributes +15%
fancy black tie	Accessory	15%			35 Mys	Yes
Go Get 'Em, Tiger!	Item	15%	3 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from Ben-Gal™ Balm
haiku katana	Weapon (1H)	15%			None	No	Bonus Weapon Damage +50% +1% Critical Hit Chance Allows use of The 17 Cuts, Falling Leaf Whirlwind, Spring Raindrop Attack, Summer Siesta, Winter's Bite Technique in combat
lawn dart	Weapon (1H)	15%			200 Mus	No	Bonus Weapon Damage +20% Maximum HP +300
Nano-juiced	Effect	15%	20 turns		Baby Sandworm familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained by choosing The Metal in Painful, Circuitous Logic
old school flying disc	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	15%			200 Mus	No	+10 Damage Reduction +5 Familiar Weight
ornamental sextant	Accessory	15%			85 Mys	Yes	All Attributes +15%
papier-mâchéte	Weapon (1H)	15%		5 papier-mâché globs	20 mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10 All Attributes +15% Makes actions more exciting
papier-mâchine gun	Weapon (1H)	15%		6 papier-mâché globs	20 Mox	Yes	Ranged Damage +10 All Attributes +15% Makes actions more exciting
sea chaps	Pants	15%			85 Mox	Yes	Regenerate 6-10 HP per adventure
shooting morning star	Weapon (1H)	15%		1 metal meteoroid	None	Yes	+15 Hot Damage Successful hit weakens opponent
stainless steel shillelagh	Weapon (1H)	15%			30 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +20 +10% Critical Hit Chance SC's HC reward
stainless steel skullcap	Hat	15%			30 Mox	Yes	Maximum HP +30 Damage Absorption +60 TT's HC reward
Supafly	Item	15%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	Mysticality +15% Moxie +30% +10 Sleaze Damage So-So Sleaze Resistance Stat gains Obtained from sleaze wad
Super-Mega-Ultra-Charged	Item	15%	5 turns		Moxie moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer against monsters of high enough level All Attributes +15% Demodulizer effects do not stack with each other
Uncle Hobo's highest bough	Weapon (1H)	15%			200 Mus	No	Regenerate 15-30 HP and MP per adventure
Annual Ascot	Accessory	12%			None	No	Mysticality Modifiers +12% Moxie Modifiers +12% A custom item given to the artists of the 2010 Calendar of Loathing
Sword of the Brouhaha Prince	Off-Hand Item	12%			None	No
complicated device	Off-Hand Item	11%	Always		200 Mys	Yes	+1 Stats Per Fight +1 Hot Damage, Cold Damage, Stench Damage, Spooky Damage, and Sleaze Damage +11 Damage to Hot Spells, Cold Spells, Stench Spells, Spooky Spells, and Sleaze Spells +11 to Monster Level +11% Combat Initiative Damage Reduction: 11 Damage Absorption +11 +11% Meat from Monsters +11% Items from Monsters +11 & +11% Mysticality and Moxie +11 Muscle Maximum MP +111 & +111% Maximum HP +111 & +111% Obtained from Grandpa Sea Monkee
Arse-a'fire	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from arse-a'fire elixir
Aspect of the Twinklefairy	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	All Attributes +10% Weapon Damage +5 Spell Damage +5 Stat gains Obtained from twinkly wad
Favored by Lyle	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Drunk	Level 3	Yes	All Attributes +10% Obtained from DUFRESNE Suds or Way to Go!
Football Eyes	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from black facepaint Weapon Damage +15 Combat Initiative -40%
Can-Can skirt	Pants	10%			15 Mox	Yes
cane-mail pants	Pants	10%			None	Yes	All Attributes +10% Regenerate 1-4 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-4 MP per adventure +4 Extra PvP Fights
Carol of the Bones	Food	10%	10/20 turns	Item Loss 2 Full	Level 7	No	Obtained from skull-shaped Crimboween cookie
corncob pipe	Accessory	10%			200 Mys	No	May not equip more than one
Cybernetic Muscles	Familiar	10%	1+ turns		None	Yes	Obtained from a Crimbo P.R.E.S.S.I.E.
Egg-stra Arm	Item	10%	20 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	None	Yes	Gain 11-15 Fortitude Obtained from yellow striped oyster egg and yellow plastic oyster egg
Elvish	Location	10%	20 turns		Complete Mysterious Island Arena mini-quest	Yes	Obtained from Mysterious Island Arena after completing mini-quest in Frat Warrior Fatigues Select "Try To Get Into The Music" All attributes +10%
Enraged	Clan purchase	10%	5-15 turns	400-900 Meat/Member	None	No	No benefit if in Hardcore or Ronin
Fishy Fortification	Item	10%	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Maximum HP +50 Obtained from fish-liver oil
fireman's helmet	Hat	10%		500 FDKOL commendations	60 Mus	No	Serious Hot Resistance (+3) All Attributes +10% +1 FDKOL Commendation per Fire
Fury of the Bells	Food	10%	10/20 turns	Item Loss 2 Full	Level 7	No	Obtained from bell-shaped Crimbo cookie
Juju Mojo Mask	Accessory	10%			None	No	+2 Stat Gains from Fights Possible intrinsic effects: Gaze of the Volcano God Gaze of the Lightning God Gaze of the Trickster God Cannot be equipped at same time as V for Vivala mask May not equip more than one
letterman's jacket	Shirt	10%			200 Mus Torso Awaregness	No	Slight Slime Resistance All attributes +10% Regenerate 10-20 HP per adventure
moist sailor's cap	Hat	10%			85 Mox	No	+20 Stench Damage Stupendous Hot Resistance
Multi-Level Mindset	Item	10%	100 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from multi-level marzipan
Muscularrr	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from pirate brochure, which may not be available for purchase during an ascension
New, Improved	Adventure	10%	20 turns	3 Adventures	Llama Lama familiar, if HC	Yes	Obtained from Path of the Roach All Attributes +10%
non-stick pugil stick	Weapon (2H)	10%			85 Mus	No	Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On Critical: Stuns Opponent
Pokëmann figurine: Frank	Accessory	10%			None	No	Obtained from My Own Pen Pal kit May not equip more than one
Rage of the Reindeer	SC Non-combat Skill	10%	10 turns	10 MP	None	Yes	Weapon Damage +10
scratch 'n' sniff wrestler sticker	Item	10%	20 combat turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Must be attached to a scratch 'n' sniff sword or scratch 'n' sniff crossbow Limit of 3 may be attached All Attributes+10%
sea mantle	Back Item	10%			85 Muscle	Yes	Bonus Weapon Damage +150% for Underwater opponents only Maximum MP+50
skate board	Weapon (2H)	10%			85 Mus	No	+10 Damage Reduction All Attributes +10%
Spirit of Alph	Adventure	10%	5 turns	Item Loss	Green Pixie familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained in The Stately Pleasure Dome
spongy shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	10%			95 Mus	No	Regenerate 20-50 HP per adventure Damage Absorption +50 Damage Reduction: +14
Spooky Demeanor	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	Level 6	Yes	Mysticality +30% Moxie +20% +10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Stat gains Obtained from spooky wad
Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority	AT Buff Skill	10%	5-15 turns	30 MP	None	Yes	All Attributes +10%
Super-Mega-Charged	Item	10%	5 turns		Moxie moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer against monsters of high enough level All Attributes +10% Demodulizer effects do not stack with each other
teflon shield	Off-Hand Item (Shield)	10%			85 Mus	No	Damage Reduction: +24 Damage Absorption +50
Underworld truncheon	Weapon (2H)	10%			150 Mus	No	+10 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight Weapon Damage +20%
Vitamin-Maxed	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	None	Yes	Gain 18-20 Fortitude Obtained from bottle of ultravitamins
You Know What's Up	Item	10%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Trivial Avocations Card: What? Mysticality +10% Moxie +10%
You Know When to Walk Away	Item	10%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Trivial Avocations Card: When? Mysticality +10% Moxie +10%
You Know Where to Go	Item	10%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Trivial Avocations Card: Where? Mysticality +10% Moxie +10%
You Know Who to Call	Item	10%	1 turn	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Trivial Avocations Card: Who? Mysticality +10% Moxie +10%
Yuletide Mutations	Item	10%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from unstable DNA All Attributes +10% Increases effectiveness of Crimbo 2008 equipment
Antsy in your Pantsy	Food/Item	5%	5/10 turns	1 Full/Item Loss	Mysticality moon sign, if in HC	Yes	All Attributes +5% Obtained from maple syrup and sugar-coated pine cone
Arabian Knighthood	Familiar	5%	1+ turns		None	Yes	Obtained from Sweet Nutcracker
battered old top-hat	Hat	5%			200 Mox	No	Maximum HP +500
brand new key	Weapon (1H)	5%			85 Mus	No	Weapon Damage +20
card sleeve	Off-Hand Item	5%				Yes	With an Alice's Army Horseman in the sleeve All Attributes +5%
crumpled felt fedora	Hat	5%			200 Mox	No	+10 to Familiar Weight
Dwarven Hardiness	Food	5%	5 turns	3 Full	None	Yes	Obtained from dwarf bread
dead guy's memento	Accessory	5%			200 Mys	No	All Attributes +5% +5 Extra Rollover Adventures May not equip more than one
Festive Radiation	Food/Booze	5%	10 turns	Item Loss 3 Drunk or 1 Full	None	No	Obtained from oozenog, gingerbread mutant bugbear, irradiated candy cane All Attributes +5% Regenerate 10 HP per battle Regenerate 10 MP per battle
fish scimitar	Weapon (1H)	5%			85 Mus	Yes	Weapon Damage +10%
ganger bandana	Hat	5%			85 Mox	Yes	Weapon Damage +15%
hockey stick of furious angry rage	Accessory	5%			35 Mys	No	An ultra-rare item Monster Level +30
honeybritches	Pants	5%			72 Mox	Yes	Part of the Bits o' Honey +5% Critical Hit Chance Weapon Damage +15
lucky bottlecap	Accessory	5%			200 Mys	No	All Attributes +5% May not equip more than one
spant backplate	Back Item	5%			20 Mus	No	All Attributes +5% Damage Absorption +100
Sugar Rush	Item	5%	1-15 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from many sources Mysticality -10% Moxie +5% Combat Initiative +20%
Super-Charged	Item	5%	5 turns		Moxie moon sign, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer when used against monsters of high enough level All Attributes +5% Demodulizer effects do not stack with each other
Tuesday's ruby	Off-Hand Item	5%			45 Mys	Yes	Enchantment varies by day: +5% Meat from Monsters (Sundays) Muscle +5% (Mondays) Regenerate 3-7 MP per Adventure (Tuesdays) Mysticality +5% (Wednesdays) +5% Items from Monsters (Thursdays) Moxie +5% (Fridays) Regenerate 3-7 HP per Adventure (Saturdays)
velcro broadsword	Weapon (1H)	5%			85 Mus	No	Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Hat/Pants Items from Monsters
Chalice of the Malkovich Prince	Off-Hand Item	4%			None	No	All Attributes +4%
drywall axe	Weapon (2H)	3% and 2			60 Mus	Yes	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
Juiced Up	Effect	-5%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Mer-kin fastjuice All Attributes -5% Underwater adventuring penalties reduced by 10%
Batigue	Adventure	-10%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained in the Beanbat Chamber
Duct Out of Water	Effect	-10%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from wet venom duct All Attributes -10% Also grants the Spew Poison skill if you are poisoned
First Eye Blind	Item	-10%	5 turns		Access to a Crimbo Tree, if in HC	Yes	All attributes -10% Sometimes obtained from a critical hit with a Red Rover BB gun
Goofball Withdrawal	Item	-10%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	All Attributes -10% Obtained from having the Hopped Up on Goofballs effect run out the previous day
Hardly Poisoned at All	Item/ Adventure	-10% and -3	5/10 turns	Item Loss/ N/A	None	Yes	All Attributes -10% All Attributes -3 Obtained from bag of airline peanuts, deadly nightshade, and marzipan skull Randomly obtained from fancy but probably evil chocolate and Yummy Tummy bean
Heavy Petting	Item	-10%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Spleen	None	Yes	All Attributes -10% +5 to Familiar Weight Obtained from Knob Goblin pet-buffing spray.
Quivering with Rage	Skill	-10%	5 turns	15 MP	None	Yes	Obtained sometimes from casting Vent Rage Gland Does 1 to 2 times player level Passive Damage each combat round
Tetanus	Adventure	-10%	10 turns		None	Yes	All Attributes -10% Obtained from empty suit of armor
Brimstone Beret	Hat	-20%			30 Mox	Yes	Moxie +50% Allows you to keep 4 songs in your head instead of 3 AT's BM reward
Brimstone Bracelet	Accessory	-20%			30 Mys	Yes	Mysticality +50% -3 MP to use Skills S' BM reward May not equip more than one
Cupshotten	Adventure	-20%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained at Wine Racks All Attributes -20%
Maid Disservice	Adventure	-20%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained in Whitey's Grove All Attributes -20%
Moon June Spooned	Item	-20%	10 turns	Item Loss	Green Pixie familiar, if in HC	Yes	Obtained from a sensitive poetry journal Moxie +20%
Soul-Crushing Headache	Item	-20%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from all-purpose cleaner All Attributes -20%
A Little Bit Poisoned	Adventure	-30% and -5	10 turns		None	Yes	All Attributes -30% All Attributes -5 Obtained from whitesnake.
Apathy	Item/ Adventure	-30%	5/10 turns	Item Loss/ N/A	None	Yes	All Attributes -30% Obtained from apathetic lizardman and Mr. Mediocrebar Randomly obtained from Yummy Tummy bean
silent beret	Hat	-30%			None	No	Combat Initiative -50% Monsters will be less attracted to you
Sleepy	Item	-30%	1/5/20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from decorative fountain, Dungeons of Doom potion, and hippy herbal tea Randomly obtained from Yummy Tummy bean
Barking Dogs	Adventure	-50%	5 turns		Level 11	No	Obtained in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert Combat Initiative -50%
Beaten Up	Item/ Adventure	-50%	1/3/4/10/100 turns		None	Yes	All Attributes -50% Obtained by reaching HP 0 Obtained also through any number of different methods, see Beaten Up for more details
Dang Near Cut In Half	Adventure	-50%	5 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained in The Spooky Forest
Drummed Out	Adventure	-50%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained at The Hippy Camp (in disguise) Mysticality +50%
Hornswaggled	Adventure	-50%	10 turns		Bad Moon	No	Obtained in The Obligatory Pirate's Cove Moxie +50%
Somewhat Poisoned	Adventure	-50% and -7	10 turns		None	Yes	All Attributes -50% All Attributes -7 Obtained from Spectral Jellyfish and swarm of killer bees
Turned Into a Skeleton	Adventure	-50%	5 turns		None	Yes	Obtained in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert All Attributes -50%
Hernia!	Item	-70%	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from mafia aria
Really Quite Poisoned	Adventures	-70% and -9	5/10 turns		None	Yes	Obtained from fighting a black widow, black adder, or tomb asp All Attributes -70% All Attributes -9
Majorly Poisoned	Adventure/Cellar	-90% and -11	5/10		None	Yes	Obtained in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert or using Wine Cellar Glyphs All Attributes -90% All Attributes -11
Juiced	Item	-100%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Mer-kin cooljuice Mysticality -100% Moxie +200%
Juiced Newton	Item	-100%	30 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from Mer-kin smartjuice Mysticality +200% Moxie -100%

Variable Increases

Variable increases will increase (or decrease) your muscle by a varying amount. The basis of the change is listed under "notes".

Source	Source Type	Incr	Duration	Cost	Prereq	HC Available	Notes
Antihangover	Item	Varies	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from hair of the fish. Grants +X1/1.7 Muscle, rounded down, where X is the previous day's drunkenness. Also grants +X Mysticality and Moxie by the same formula. Capped at +4 in Ronin and Harcore
Broken Heart	Item	1-20	5 turns	Item Loss	Libram of Love Songs	Yes	Obtained from love song of vague ambiguity If X (max 20) is the number of turns remaining: Muscle +X Regenerate X HP per Adventure
Buddy Bjorn	Back Item	Varies			None	No	Bonus can be Moxie +15%, All Attributes +7, +10, +10% or All Attributes -10 according to bjornified Familiar Additional Effects vary according to bjornified Familiar Bjornified Familiar gains 1 Experience per Fight
Crown of Thrones	Hat	Varies			None	No	Bonus can be Moxie +15%, All Attributes +7, +10, +10% or All Attributes -10 according to enthroned Familiar Additional Effects vary according to enthroned Familiar Enthroned Familiar gains 1 Experience per Fight
depleted Grimacite shinguards	Pants	0-25%			35 Mox	No	A derivative item from The Raffle House Muscle +0-25% based on Grimace darkness +0-5 Extra PvP Fights based on Grimace darkness
depleted Grimacite weightlifting belt	Accessory	0-25%			25 Mys	No	A derivative item from The Raffle House Muscle +0-25% based on Grimace darkness +0-5 Extra Rollover Adventures based on Grimace darkness
Experimental Effect G-9	Item	1-400	40 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from experimental serum G-9 Grants +Muscle% at a random number between 1 and 400, changing daily Grants +Moxie% and +Mysticality% as well
glow-in-the-dark stuffed burrowgrub	Off-Hand Item	1-9			None	No	Muscle +(9 - light) Bonus Weapon Damage +(9 - light)
Gregarious Gregorian Smock	Shirt	0-25%			Torso Awaregness	No	All Attributes +X% X is equal to 5 × Y, where Y is the current Grimace darkness Custom item given to artists of the 2011 Calendar of Loathing
Grimacite gasmask	Hat	0-50%			40 Mox	No	A prize from The Raffle House Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness Weapon Damage +15
Grimacite gauntlets	Accessory	0-50%			15 Mys	No	A prize from The Raffle House Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness +30% Meat from Monsters May not equip more than one
Grimacite glaive	Weapon (2H)	0-50%			47 Mus	No	A prize from The Raffle House Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness Weapon Damage +15
Grimacite gorget	Accessory	0-50%			17 Mys	No	A prize from The Raffle House Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness +25% Items from Monsters
Having a Ball!	Effect	1-100%	20 turns		None	No	Clan buff obtained from an Awesome Ball Pit Buff is +1-100% to all attributes, depending on the number of balls Can only be used once per day.
Jekyllin hide belt	Accessory	1-9			None	No	All Attributes +1-9 (greatest when moons are darkest +15-55% Items from Monsters (greatest when moons are brightest) Cannot equip in Hardcore
Lycanthropy, Eh?	Adventure	0-16%	10 turns		None	Yes	Obtained in combat against a weremoose Muscle +2x moonlight% Moxie +2x moonlight%
Mallowed Out	Food	5-500%	3 turns	Item Loss 1 Full	None	Yes	Obtained from roasted marshmallow Buff is +5% to all attributes, per turn of effect remaining, to a maximum of 500%
Meaty and Cheesy	Food	5-200%	10 turns	Item Loss 1 Full	None	Yes	Obtained from Taco Dan's Taco Stand Taco Buff is +5% to Muscle, per turn of effect remaining, to a maximum of 200%
Mild Lycanthropy	Adventure	0-8%	10 turns		None	Yes	Obtained in combat against a warwelf Muscle +moonlight% Moxie +moonlight%
Moonthril Flamberge	Weapon (2H)	0-75%			40 Mus	No	Obtained from Mint-in-box Moonthril Flamberge Part of the Luniform Muscle +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
Moonthril Greaves	Pants	0-50%			40 Mox	No	Obtained from Mint-in-box Moonthril Greaves Part of the Luniform All Attributes +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
Mr. Eh?	Accessory	Varies			None	No	All Attributes +n, capped at 15, based on the exchange rate between the American and Canadian dollars Cannot equip in Hardcore
Orange Crusher	Item	1-25	10 turns	Item Loss	Libram of Pulled Taffy, if HC	Yes	Obtained from pulled orange taffy If X (max 50) is the number of turns remaining: Muscle +X/2 +X/10 Muscle Stats per Fight
Periodical Paintbrush	Weapon (1H)	0-25%			None	No	All Attributes +X% X is equal to 5 × Y, where Y is the current Grimace darkness Custom item given to artists of the 2008 Calendar of Loathing
Seasonal Beret	Hat	0-25%			35 Mys	No	All Attributes +X% X is equal to 5 × Y, where Y is the current Grimace darkness Custom item given to artists of the 2009 Calendar of Loathing
Solstice Shield	Off-hand item	0-25%			None	No	All Attributes +X% X is equal to 5 × Y, where Y is the current Grimace darkness Damage Absorption +20 Custom item given to artists of the 2013 Calendar of Loathing
Starry-Eyed	Effect	5-35%	10 turns		None	Yes	Obtained from A Telescope Gives +5% per upgrade, to a maximum of 35% All Attributes +x%
Sweet Heart	Item	1-20	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from love song of sugary cuteness, which comes from Libram of Love Songs If X (max 20) is the number of turns remaining: Muscle +X +2X% Meat from Monsters
Tainted Love Potion	Item	Varies	20 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Muscle -98 - x - +105 Obtained from Love Potion. Love Potions are Quest items created by Love Mixology Love Potions cannot be used if you have the effect or an unused love potion in your inventory
Talisman of Baio	Accessory	0-80%			None	No	An ultra-rare item All Attributes +0-80% All Attributes Increase with moonlight
Temporal Tempera Tube	Off-Hand Item	0-25%	Always		None	No	All Attributes +X% X is equal to 5 × Y, where Y is the current Grimace darkness Custom item given to artists of the 2014 Calendar of Loathing
Temporary Lycanthropy	Item	10-67%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Obtained from blood of the Wereseal. Muscle is multiplied based on the brightness of moonlight, and ranges from 10% to 67%
The Fire Inside	Item	10-200%	10 turns	Item Loss	None	No	Obtained from bottle of fire Muscle +X% Mysticality +X% Moxie +X% X is 10 * L, where L is your level of Hot Resistance, with a maximum of +200%
Towering Strength	Food	100-200%	30 turns	Item Loss 1 Full	Level 13	Yes	Obtained by eating a rook cookie or queen cookie Buff is 100%-200%, depending on the number of chess boards cleared
Uncertain	Item	Varies	5/10 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes	Muscle and Moxie fluctuate randomly (even during battle!) Obtained from probability potion. Randomly obtained from Yummy Tummy bean.
World's Best Adventurer sash	Accessory	1-100%	Always			Yes	Quest item Obtained from Test Your Might And Also Test Other Things after completing the first 3 tower tests Is +X to All Attributes X = Number of Ascensions +1, to a maximum of 100

Tied To Another Stat

Muscle modifiers tied to another stat will cause your Muscle to change in relation to another stat.

Source	Source Type	Incr	Duration	Cost	Prereq	HC Available	Notes
Phairly Balanced	Item	= Highest Stat	5 turns	Item Loss	None	Yes * Only for KOLHS	Equalize all your stats to your highest stat Obtained from ph balancer.
Expert Oiliness	Item	= Mys	5-15 turns	Item Loss		Yes	Muscle & Moxie = Mysticality Percentage attribute boosts calculated using Mysticality Obtained from oil of expertise.
Slippery Oiliness	Item	= Mox	5-15 turns	Item Loss		Yes	Muscle & Mysticality = Moxie Percentage attribute boosts calculated using Moxie Obtained from oil of slipperiness.
Elbow Macaroni	Other	= Base Mys	Always	100 MP	Must be a Pastamancer	Yes	Sets your base Muscle to be equal to your base Mysticality Obtained from Bind Undead Elbow Macaroni
Preternatural Strength	Passive Skill (DG)	= Mys	Always	15 HP	Dark Gyffte	Yes	Your Muscle cannot be lower than your Mysticality Buffing Mysticality exclusively will affect Muscle equally Can be learned and unlearned at Torpor

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