Weapons (by requirement)

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Weapons are things adventurers use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

As a general rule, weapons having a Moxie requirement are ranged weapons, using Moxie to calculate Hit Chance, and weapons having a Muscle requirement are melee weapons, using Muscle to calculate hit chance. Weapons with a Mysticality requirement are Mysticality weapons, which also use Muscle to calculate hit chance, but generally give Bonus Spell Damage.

In terms of weapon types, all weapons of the following types are ranged:

• accordion
• autopult
• banjo
• bong
• boomerang
• bow
• can
• catapult
• crossbow
• disco ball
• euphemisms
• guitar
• gun
• heavy blowgun
• pistol
• radio
• rifle
• sack
• sitar
• slingshot
• superball
• throwing spear
• yo-yo
• yoyo

Chefstaves, utensils, and saucepans are Mysticality weapons, as is the special Periodical Paintbrush. All other items are generally melee weapons, although there are exceptions; for example, the lucky ball-and-chain is a ranged flail, the can of maces is a ranged club, and the heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr is a ranged axe.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

All ranged weapons are affected by the Disco Bandit skill Disco Fever.

Melee weapons (Muscle)

Name	Power	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
El Vibrato energy spear	200	200	2-handed spear	Part of the El Vibrato Relics Can be charged with various effects
flamin' bindle	200	200	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Hot Damage Does extra Hot Damage on critical hits
freezin' bindle	200	200	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Cold Damage Does extra Cold Damage on critical hits
Frosty's arm	200	200	1-handed staff	Melee Damage +30 +30 Cold Damage
Frosty's nailbat	200	200	2-handed club	Muscle +30% +3% Critical Hit Chance +30 Cold Damage Bonus for SCs only Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments
Hodgman's whackin' stick	200	200	1-handed club	All Attributes +20% On Critical: Insanity!
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork	200	200	2-handed polearm	+40 Hot Damage +2% Critical Hit Chance
sleazy bindle	200	200	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Sleaze Damage Does extra Sleaze Damage on critical hits
stinkin' bindle	200	200	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Stench Damage Does extra Stench Damage on critical hits
spooky bindle	200	200	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Spooky Damage Does extra Spooky Damage on critical hits
Zombo's shoulder blade	200	200	2-handed sword	Muscle +30% Melee Damage +30%
C. H. U. M. knife	150	175	1-handed knife	+30 Stench Damage
gatorskin umbrella	140	100	1-handed umbrella	Serious Stench Resistance Melee Damage +15
antique spear	200	85	1-handed polearm	Part of the Antique Arms And Armor Combat Initiative -30% Successful hit weakens opponent Pulverizes into useless powder Can break in combat
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	200	85	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
cursed cutlass	200	85	1-handed sword	Part of the Cursed Zombie Pirate Costume Muscle +15
decaying wooden oar	200	85	2-handed club
fetus-smashing club	200	85	2-handed club	A custom item given to Bashy
fish scimitar	200	85	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Bonus Weapon Damage +10%
fish stick	200	85	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5% Bonus Spell Damage +15%
halibut	200	85	2-handed fish	+100 Stench Damage +100 Sleaze Damage Moxie -10%
Mer-kin hookspear	200	85	1-handed spear	Combat Initiative +20% Bonus Weapon Damage +40 Extracts Meat on Critical Hits
Mer-kin mining pick	200	85	2-handed axe	Bonus Weapon Damage +30 Allows for mining in the Anemone Mine
non-stick pugil stick	200	85	2-handed club	Muscle +10% Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: Stuns Opponent
octopus's spade	200	85	1-handed knife	+5% Items from Monsters Combat Initiative +10% Bonus Weapon Damage +15
PVC staff	200	85	2-handed staff	Mysticality +15% +10% Items from Monsters +60 Damage to Cold Spells
velcro broadsword	200	85	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Hat/Pants Items from Monsters
duct tape sword	195	82	1-handed sword	Part of the Tapered Threads Damage Absorption +40 +5% Items from Monsters
cast-iron legacy paddle	190	80	2-handed club	Muscle +15 Melee Damage +10
giant driftwood sculpture	190	80	2-handed flail	Moxie +8 Melee Damage +15
Bugfinder Blade	180	75	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
goatskin umbrella	180	75	1-handed umbrella	+15 Stench Damage
plexiglass pike pike	180	75	2-handed spear	Melee Damage +25 +10 Extra PvP Fights Muscle +30% SC's HCO reward
lead pipe	175	72	1-handed club	Muscle +6 Mysticality +6
perforated battle paddle	175	72	2-handed club	Melee Damage +10
denim axe	170	70	2-handed axe	Muscle +10 Melee Damage +10
giant foam finger	170	70	1-handed club	Damage Reduction: +3
Maxwell's Silver Hammer	165	67	1-handed club	Mysticality +10 Melee Damage +10
pygmy spear	165	67	1-handed spear	Muscle +7
star staff	165	67	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	165	67	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
Drowsy Sword	171	66	2-handed sword	Successful hit weakens opponent Monster Level -10
black sword	160	65	1-handed sword	Part of the Black Armaments 3x Critical Hit Chance Melee Damage +7
giant cactus quill	160	65	1-handed spear	3x Critical Hit Chance Maximum HP +30
pointed stick	160	65	1-handed spear	2x Critical Hit Chance Melee Damage +10
giant discarded plastic fork	155	62	3-handed staff	Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags 2x Critical Hit Chance Combat Initiative -10%
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	150	60	2-handed polearm?
bugbear-smiting sword	150	60	2-handed sword	A custom item given to Spazworrier Melee Damage +10 Muscle +10
club of the five seasons	150	60	1-handed club	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
drywall axe	150	60	2-handed axe	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
giant needle	150	60	2-handed spear	Monster Level +5
grassy cutlass	150	60	1-handed sword	Melee Damage +11
heteroerotic frat-paddle	150	60	1-handed club	A custom item given to Mr Skullhead
immense cyborg hand	150	60	1-handed club	Melee Damage +5 +3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
Radio Free Foil	150	60	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia Intrinsic Effect: Shiny Happy Weapon: Muscle +20
witty rapier	150	60	1-handed sword	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Myst substat only)
batblade	145	57	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +15
ridiculously huge sword	140	55	3-handed sword	Melee Damage +12 Muscle +4
vibrating cyborg knife	150	55	1-handed sword	Melee Damage +20 3x Fumble Chance
broken sword	135	52	1-handed sword	Slight Spooky Resistance
ram-battering staff	135	52	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
star stiletto	135	52	1-handed knife	Muscle +5
titanium assault umbrella	130	50	1-handed umbrella	Slight Resistance to All Elements
curmudgel	125	47	1-handed club	Monster Level +8 Melee Damage +10
Grimacite glaive	125	47	2-handed polearm	A prize from The Raffle House Melee Damage +15 Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
pitchfork	125	47	1-handed spear	Melee Damage +9
asbestos sword	120	45	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
buffalo blade	120	45	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
giant cheesestick	120	45	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
hairy staff	135	45	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per Adventure
linoleum staff	120	45	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
meatspout staff	125	45	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +15% Meat from Monsters
shuddersword	125	45	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	125	45	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
Spirit Precipice	135	45	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 5x Critical Hit Chance
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	130	45	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Extra Rollover Adventures
two-handed depthsword	120	45	2-handed sword
lupine sword	115	42	1-handed sword	+9 Spooky Damage +9 additional Spooky Damage if a snarling wolf shield is equipped
ram stick	115	42	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
serpentine sword	115	42	1-handed sword	Monster Level +10 Monster Level +10 more if wielded with a snake shield
chrome staff	110	40	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
linoleum sword	110	40	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
asbestos staff	100	35	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
bamboo bokuto	100	35	1-handed sword
big stirring stick	100	35	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +5
bow staff	100	35	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux Mysticality +5 Melee Damage +3
chrome sword	100	35	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Crimbo sword	100	35	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds Melee Damage +5
depleted Grimacite hammer	100	35	2-handed club	Monster Level +0-25 based on Grimace darkness Needed for depleted Grimacite smithing
duck-on-a-string	100	35	1-handed flail	Melee Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
elven whittling knife	100	35	1-handed knife	Does extra damage on criticals
Mafia violin case	100	35	1-handed club	Prize from the Penguin Mafia Mystery Raffle Muscle +20 Melee Damage +30
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	100	35	3-handed ...weapon	3x Critical Hit Chance 3x Fumble Chance
roboduck-on-a-string	100	35	1-handed flail	Melee Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
soylent staff	100	35	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
spiked femur	100	35	1-handed club	+6 Spooky Damage
Super Magic Power Sword X	100	35	1-handed sword	Muscle +4 Combat Initiative +20% 2x Critical Hit Chance
time sword	100	35	1-handed sword	Part of the Time Trappings +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Tropical Crimbo Sword	100	35	1-handed sword	Part of the Tropical Crimbo Duds Melee Damage +5
vampire duck-on-a-string	100	35	1-handed flail	Melee Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
Brimstone Bludgeon	200	30	1-handed club	Muscle +50% Mysticality -20% Melee Damage +30 SC's BM reward
depleted Grimacite kneecapping stick	90	30	1-handed club	+ceil(Grimace darkness/2)% Critical Hit Chance
icy-hot katana	90	30	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
kneecapping stick	90	30	1-handed club	3x Critical Hit Chance
ninja mop	90	30	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +5
stainless steel shillelagh	90	30	1-handed club	Melee Damage +20 4x Critical Hit Chance Muscle +15% SC's HC reward
vorpal blade	90	30	1-handed sword	Part of the Yendorian Finery 2x Critical Hit Chance
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	80	25	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear Successful hit weakens opponent
clockwork sword	80	25	2-handed sword	Melee Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 HP on Critical hit
crazy bastard sword	125	25	1-handed sword	An ultra-rare item +7 Extra PvP Fights Melee Damage +15 +2% Critical Hit Chance
crowbarrr	80	25	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +15%
flypaper staff	80	25	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frozen nunchaku	80	25	2-handed flail	Melee Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
grass blade	80	25	1-handed sword	Part of the Grass Guise Melee Damage +5
rib of the Bonerdagon	80	25	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	80	25	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory staff	80	25	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
savory sword	80	25	1-handed sword	Muscle +4
spooky bicycle chain	80	25	1-handed flail	+5 Spooky Damage 2x Critical Hit Chance
wholeberd	80	25	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +6
squeaky staff	75	22	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
sword of static	75	22	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2 Regenerate 2-4 MP per Adventure
wiffle-flail	75	22	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
25-meat staff	70	20	2-handed staff
flaming cardboard sword	70	20	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Hot Damage
Frost™ brand sword	70	20	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3 +3 Cold Damage
homoerotic frat-paddle	70	20	1-handed club	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble +4 Sleaze Damage
Kentucky-fried meat staff	70	20	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	70	20	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
Totally Gay Claymore	69	19	2-handed sword	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
bubblewrap staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
bubblewrap sword	60	15	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2
cardboard staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3
cardboard sword	60	15	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3
Chelonian Morningstar	90	15	1-handed flail	Muscle +11 Never Fumble TT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn TT buffs Bonus for TTs only
dense meat staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	60	15	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane	60	15	1-handed club	Moxie +5 Bonus for DBs only
eXtreme meat staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	60	15	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
flaming crutch	60	15	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
glistening staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	60	15	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
Hammer of Smiting	90	15	1-handed club	Muscle +16 3x Critical Hit Chance SC's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
Knob Goblin elite polearm	60	15	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform Melee Damage +3
muculent machete	60	15	1-handed sword	Muscle +2 +5% Meat from Monsters
sabre teeth	60	15	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +4
styrofoam staff	60	15	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam sword	60	15	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	60	15	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
poutine pole	55	12	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
balloon sword	50	10	1-handed sword	Never Fumble Melee Damage -2
Bjorn's Hammer	50	10	1-handed club	Muscle +10 SC's Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
dripping meat staff	50	10	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2
dripping meat sword	50	10	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
Mace of the Tortoise	50	10	1-handed mace	Muscle +7 TT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn TT buffs (all classes) Bonus for TTs only
obsidian dagger	30	10	1-handed knife	+3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
pestoblade	50	10	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 Stench Damage
pixel sword	50	10	1-handed sword	Part of the 8-Bit Finery Combat Initiative +15%
Unionize The Elves sign	50	10	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent No longer drops
third-hand nunchaku	30	7	2-handed flail	Melee Damage +3
basic meat staff	20	5	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	20	5	2-handed sword	Muscle +1
dreadlock whip	40	5	1-handed whip	+5 Sleaze Damage +5 Stench Damage Monster Level +10
rubber axe	40	5	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
starchy staff	40	5	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
starchy sword	40	5	1-handed sword	Muscle +3
suede shortsword	40	5	1-handed sword
white sword	40	5	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
Dr. Hobo's scalpel	35	2	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +3 +1 Stench Damage
Gnollish flyswatter	35	2	1-handed club
Gnollish plunger	35	2	1-handed spear
spooky staff	35	2	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
asparagus knife	15	None	1-handed knife	+1 Stench Damage
bar whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+2 to Familiar Weight
bat whip	30	None	1-handed whip	Spell Damage +10 Monster Level +5
big stick	10	None	2-handed staff
bucket of anniversary lard	10	None	1-handed flail	All Attributes +1
cardboard katana	30	None	1-handed sword	Melee Damage +3 Melee Damage +20 more if dual-wielded with a cardboard wakizashi
cardboard wakizashi	30	None	1-handed sword	Damage Reduction: +2 gives the cardboard katana 20 more Bonus Weapon Damage when dual-wielded
chisel	10	None	1-handed knife
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife	30	None	1-handed knife	Restore 0-2 MP on successful hit
clown hammer	10	None	1-handed club	Squeaky!
clown whip	10	None	1-handed whip	So-So Sleaze Resistance
cool whip	10	None	1-handed whip
costume sword	10	None	1-handed sword	Melee Damage -10 Combat Initiative +30%
demon whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+3 Hot Damage +3 Sleaze Damage +3 Stench Damage
dishrag	20	None	1-handed whip	+3 Stench Damage
gnauga hide whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Gnauga Hides +3% Items from Monsters
grave robbing shovel	30	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
haiku katana	100	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +15% Bonus Weapon Damage +50% +1% Critical Hit Chance Allows use of The 17 Cuts, Falling Leaf Whirlwind, Spring Raindrop Attack, Summer Siesta, Winter's Bite Technique in combat Cannot equip in Hardcore
halfberd	30	None	1-handed polearm	Melee Damage +2
hippo whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Monster Level +10
huge mirror shard	30	None	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +5
ice sickle	100	None	1-handed knife	Monster Level +15 +5 Cold Damage Cannot equip in Hardcore
Knob Goblin scimitar	15	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +1
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat	10	None	2-handed club	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +10 Regenerate 1-3 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-3 MP per adventure Cannot equip in Hardcore
little paper umbrella	30	None	1-handed umbrella	Spell Damage +1
origami riding crop	100	None	1-handed crop	+10 Sleaze Damage Combat Initiative +15% Has a chat effect Cannot equip in Hardcore
palm-frond whip	25	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Palmist Paraphernalia Melee Damage +30 Can break in combat
parasitic claw	30	None	1-handed club	Part of the Mutant Couture Bonus Weapon Damage +player level (capped at 15), or 2x player level with Yuletide Mutations
penguin whip	20	None	1-handed whip	+3% Meat from Monsters
pool cue	40	None	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
rattail whip	30	None	1-handed whip	Moxie +5 Monster Level +5
scorpion whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Melee Damage +13 50% chance of poisoning enemy on hit
scratch 'n' sniff sword	100	None	1-handed sword	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
seal-clubbing club	10	None	1-handed club
skeleton bone	30	None	1-handed club	+1 Spooky Damage
spooky stick	30	None	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
sweet ninja sword	20	None	1-handed sword
tail o' nine cats	30	None	1-handed whip	Combat Initiative +15% Monster Level +5
tiny ninja sword	20	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
tiny plastic sword	10	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
trusty torch	30	None	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
Wand of Nagamar	30	None	1-handed wand
white whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+1 Stat Gains from Fights
wooden stakes	25	None	2-handed spear	Melee Damage +1
worm-riding hooks	50	None	2-handed club
yak whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Successful hit weakens opponent

Mysticality weapons (Mysticality)

Name	Power	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
Staff of the Deepest Freeze	10	200	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +200% +30 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 20-30 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Grand Flambé	10	125	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% Superhuman Cold Resistance Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage
Staff of the Grease Trap	10	125	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Sleaze Damage
Staff of the Kitchen Floor	10	125	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Stench Damage
Staff of the Walk-In Freezer	10	125	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Well-Tempered Cauldron	10	125	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +125% Mysticality +15 Regenerate 7-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Mjolnir Jr.	200	85	1-handed utensil	A custom item given to Thor the Mighty
teflon spatula	200	85	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +10% Serious Sleaze Resistance Bonus Spell Damage +40
Staff of the Black Kettle	10	75	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +75% Mysticality +10 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
war tongs	180	75	1-handed utensil	+10 Hot Damage +10 Damage to Hot Spells
star spatula	150	60	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +15
silver shrimp fork	120	45	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +14 Melee Damage +5 Increased adventures and stats when eating pr0n cocktails
iron pasta spoon	110	40	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
oversized pizza cutter	100	35	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +13
huge spoon	90	30	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
clockwork staff	80	25	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 MP on Critical hit
Knob Goblin melon baller	80	25	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +8
Staff of the Teapot Tempest	10	25	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +25% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 3-4 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
chopsticks	75	23	1-handed utensil	Combat Initiative +20% Spell Damage +12
Staff of the Greasefire	10	20	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +35% +10 Damage to Hot Spells +10 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 3-4 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage and Sleaze Damage
17-alarm Saucepan	90	15	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +11 +15 Damage to Hot Spells S' Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn Sauceror buffs Bonus for Ss only
filthy pestle	60	15	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +7
Greek Pasta of Peril	90	15	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +11 Combat Initiative +25% Food Drops +10% P's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
Staff of Blood and Pudding	10	15	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +25% Maximum HP +15 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to steal and restore HP
Staff of the Midnight Snack	10	15	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +20% +10 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Spooky Damage
Staff of the Short Order Cook	10	15	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +20% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
5-Alarm Saucepan	50	10	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +7 S' Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes) Bonus for Ss only
Pasta of Peril	50	10	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +7 Combat Initiative +15% P's Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
basic meat spork	45	7	1-handed utensil	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3
jack flapper	35	2	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
cheap plastic bottle opener	30	None	1-handed utensil	+2 Sleaze Damage
corn holder	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +1
eggbeater	25	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
Gnollish pie server	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
Gnollish slotted spoon	25	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
Knob Goblin spatula	30	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +4
Knob Goblin tongs	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
pasta spoon	10	None	1-handed utensil
Periodical Paintbrush	100	None	1-handed artsything	A prize item given to winners of the first calendar art contest All Attributes +0-25% Boost based on Grimace darkness Cannot equip in Hardcore
portable corkscrew	30	None	1-handed utensil	Melee Damage +3 Spell Damage +3
saucepan	10	None	1-handed saucepan	Enables the casting of 5-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes)
shiny butcherknife	30	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
Spooky Putty snake	10	None	1-handed chefstaff	Bonus Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 6-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do 25% of the enemy's remaining HP in Spooky Damage
spork	30	None	1-handed utensil	Muscle +2

Ranged weapons (Moxie)

Name	Power	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
Chester's bag of candy	200	200	2-handed ranged weapon	+30 Sleaze Damage Moxie +10% Bonus for DBs only Part of the Tawdry Tramp Togs
Frosty's snowball sack	200	200	1-handed sack	+50 Cold Damage
7-inch discus	200	85	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5% Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: grants 3 turns of +50% to All Attributes
fish bazooka	200	85	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +5% +10% Meat from Monsters
giant fishhook	200	85	2-handed spear
rusty speargun	200	85	1-handed pistol	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 3x Critical Hit Chance On Critical: Deals 50-60 additional damage
velcro paddle ball	200	85 Mox	1-handed flail	Moxie +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Accessory Items from Monsters
Zim Merman's guitar	200	85	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +20
beer-a-pult	190	80	3-handed catapult	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
beer bong	190	80	1-handed bong	+15 Stench Damage Monster Level +5
fire poi	190	80	2-handed flail	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
massive sitar	190	80	2-handed sitar	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
didgeridooka	180	75	2-handed heavy blowgun	Moxie +9
toy ray gun	175	72	1-handed pistol	+5 Hot Damage 2x Critical Hit Chance
charming flute	170	70	2-handed flute	Moxie +8 +20 Bonus Weapon Damage vs. Snakes
happiness	165	67	1-handed pistol	+12 Hot Damage
star crossbow	165	67	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
arse-shooting crossbow	160	65	2-handed crossbow	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Allows Arse Shoot
jungle drum	160	65	2-handed drum	+10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Combat Initiative -20%
yohohoyo	160	65	1-handed yoyo	2x Critical Hit Chance +1 Spooky Damage +1 Stench Damage +1 Hot Damage +1 Cold Damage +1 Sleaze Damage
magilaser blastercannon	155	62	2-handed laser cannon	Bonus Ranged Damage +15 +5 Hot Damage
automatic catapult	150	60	2-handed autopult
C.B.F.G.	150	60	2-handed rifle	Part of the Crimborg Assault Armor +10 Hot Damage +10 Stench Damage
rainbow crossbow	150	60	1-handed crossbow	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
world's smallest violin	150	60	1-handed violin	Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +5% [[Meat from Monsters] +5 to Monster Level
[[a butt tuba]	145	57	2-handed horn	+15 Sleaze Damage
acoustic guitarrr	140	55	2-handed guitar	+8% Meat from Monsters
armgun	140	55	2-handed machine gun	Bonus Weapon Damage + 10 2x Critical Hit Chance
black kettle drum	140	55	2-handed drum	Moxie +5 Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +30
rave whistle	135	52	1-handed whistle	Maximum HP +10 +10 Monster Level
star boomerang	135	52	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5
4-dimensional guitar	130	50	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +7 3x Critical Hit Chance
lucky ball-and-chain	130	50	2-handed flail
ga-ga radio	125	47	2-handed radio	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Melee Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
carob cannon	135	45	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +5 Stench Damage
chrome crossbow	120	45	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	120	45	2-handed axe	Melee Damage +11
hot cross bow	130	45	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
ocarina of space	120	45	2-handed flute	All Attributes +4 Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
potato pistol	120	45	1-handed pistol	Moxie +5 +5 Sleaze Damage
projectile icemaker	125	45	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
asbestos crossbow	110	40	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
bone flute	110	40	2-handed flute	+11 Spooky Damage
Grimacite gat	150	40	1-handed gun	A prize from The Raffle House Combat Initiative +20% Moxie +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
sack of doorknobs	110	40	2-handed sack
can of fake snow	100	35	1-handed can	Part of the Arboreal Raiment +5 Cold Damage
goulauncher	100	35	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
linoleum crossbow	100	35	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
plastic guitar	100	35	2-handed guitar	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +15%
prehistoric spear	100	35	1-handed throwing spear	2x Critical Hit Chance
Cerebral Crossbow	90	30	1-handed crossbow	Part of the Encephalic Ensemble +3 Cold Damage +3 Spooky Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
magic whistle	85	27	1-handed whistle	+4 Monster Level +1 Familiar Weight
bounty-hunting rifle	100	25	2-handed rifle	Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig +15% Items from Monsters
bubble bauble bow	80	25	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Items from Monsters
clockwork crossbow	80	25	1-handed crossbow	Ranged Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Successful hit weakens opponent on Critical hit
frigid hankyū	80	25	2-handed bow	+6 Cold Damage Moxie +2
lead yo-yo	80	25	1-handed yo-yo
savory crossbow	80	25	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
can cannon	75	22	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Melee Damage +3
ultimate ultimate frisbee	75	22	1-handed frisbee	Moxie +2 Bonus Ranged Damage +4
Crimbo ukelele	80	20	2-handed guitar	+10% Items from Monsters
double-barreled sling	70	20	1-handed sling	+5 Sleaze Damage Slight Cold Resistance
hippy bongo	70	20	1-handed drum	+5 Stench Damage
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	70	20	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
finger cymbals	65	17	1-handed cymbals	Maximum MP +20
grease gun	65	17	1-handed pistol	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
repeating crossbow	65	17	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 3x Critical Hit Chance
bubblewrap crossbow	60	15	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
cardboard crossbow	60	15	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	60	15	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
eXtreme meat crossbow	60	15	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
knob bugle	60	15	1-handed horn	Delevels on hit
ratarang	60	15	1-handed boomerang	Ranged Damage +7 Moxie +3 Pickpocketed item
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	90	15	2-handed banjo	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to DB combat skills DB's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
slightly peevedbow	60	15	2-handed bow
Squeezebox of the Ages	90	15	2-handed accordion	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 AT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn AT buffs Bonus for ATs only
styrofoam crossbow	60	15	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
boxing glove on a spring	55	12	1-handed club	Moxie +3 Bonus Weapon Damage +4 Combat Initiative +10%
infernal fife	55	12	2-handed flute	+7 Hot Damage
can of maces	50	10	1-handed club	Melee Damage +2 Slight Sleaze Resistance
Disco Banjo	50	10	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 +3 damage to DB combat skills DB's Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
dripping meat crossbow	50	10	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2
office-supply crossbow	50	10	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Bonus Ranged Damage +3
pixel boomerang	50	10	1-handed boomerang	+5% Items from Monsters
Rock and Roll Legend	50	10	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 AT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn AT buffs (all classes) Bonus for ATs only
tambourine	50	10	1-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Maximum MP +20
curdflinger	45	7	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Successful hit weakens opponent
basic meat crossbow	20	5	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1
calavera concertina	40	5	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables the casting of 7-turn AT buffs (all classes)
half-sized guitar	40	5	2-handed guitar	Moxie +2 Bonus Ranged Damage +4
starchy crossbow	40	5	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
big bass drum	35	2	2-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Damage Absorption +8
pocket theremin	35	2	2-handed theremin	+4 Spooky Damage
bone rattle	30	None	1-handed rattle	+4 Spooky Damage
bottle-rocket crossbow	100	None	1-handed crossbow	+15% Meat from Monsters +10% Items from Monsters Moxie +15% Shoots bottle-rockets Cannot equip in Hardcore
cheap plastic blowgun	25	None	1-handed blowgun	50% chance of poisoning opponent.
dented harmonica	20	None	1-handed horn	Mysticality +1
disco ball	10	None	1-handed disco ball
flaming juggler's balls	100	None	1-handed euphemisms	+10 Hot Damage +2 Stat Gains from Fights Cannot equip in Hardcore
glow-in-the-dark dart gun	50	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +(9 - light) +2x (9 - light) Bonus Ranged Damage Super Accurate!
out-of-tune biwa	30	None	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +2
scratch 'n' sniff crossbow	100	None	1-handed crossbow	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
slingshot	20	None	2-handed slingshot
Spooky Putty ball	100	None	1-handed superball	+10 Spooky Damage On critical, may ricochet up to three times, each doing 10-20 physical and 10 Spooky Damage
stolen accordion	10	None	2-handed accordion	Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
stone banjo	25	None	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1