Weapons (by power)

[ Return to Game Mechanics ]

Weapons are things adventurers use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

As a general rule, weapons having a Moxie requirement are ranged weapons, using Moxie to calculate Hit Chance, and weapons having a Muscle requirement are melee weapons, using Muscle to calculate hit chance. Weapons with a Mysticality requirement are Mysticality weapons, which also use Muscle to calculate hit chance, but generally give Bonus Spell Damage.

In terms of weapon types, all weapons of the following types are ranged:

• accordion
• autopult
• banjo
• bong
• boomerang
• bow
• can
• catapult
• crossbow
• disco ball
• euphemisms
• guitar
• gun
• heavy blowgun
• pistol
• radio
• rifle
• sack
• sitar
• slingshot
• superball
• throwing spear
• yo-yo
• yoyo

Chefstaves, utensils, and saucepans are Mysticality weapons, as is the special Periodical Paintbrush. All other items are generally melee weapons, although there are exceptions; for example, the lucky ball-and-chain is a ranged flail, the can of maces is a ranged club, and the heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr is a ranged axe.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

Name	Power	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
7-inch discus	200	85 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5% Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: grants 3 turns of +50% to All Attributes
antique spear	200	85 Muscle	1-handed polearm	Part of the Antique Arms And Armor Combat Initiative -30% Successful hit weakens opponent Pulverizes into useless powder Can break in combat
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	200	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
bindlestocking	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Item Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +25 On critical: Merry Crimbo!
brand new key	200	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	Muscle +5% Weapon Damage +20
Brimstone Bludgeon	200	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +50% Mysticality -20% Weapon Damage +30 SC's BM reward
Chester's bag of candy	200	200 Moxie	2-handed ranged weapon	+30 Sleaze Damage Moxie +10% Bonus for DBs only Part of the Tawdry Tramp Togs
Coily™	200	200 Moxie	2-handed spring	Moxie +15% +10% Items from Monsters +25% Meat from Monsters Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
cursed cutlass	200	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Cursed Zombie Pirate Costume Muscle +15
decaying wooden oar	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club
diabolical crossbow	200	150 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Slime Hates It +30 Spooky Damage +2% Critical Hit Chance
El Vibrato energy spear	200	200 Muscle	2-handed spear	Part of the El Vibrato Relics Can be charged with various effects
fetus-smashing club	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	A custom item given to Bashy
fish bazooka	200	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +5% +10% Meat from Monsters
fish scimitar	200	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Bonus Weapon Damage +10%
fish stick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5% Bonus Spell Damage +15%
Flail of the Seven Aspects	200	60 Muscle	1-handed flail	Turtle Tamer's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Chelonian Overlord Muscle +15 Never Fumble Handle Doubles as a Turtling Rod Special Attack: Turtle of Seven Tails
flamin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Hot Damage Does extra Hot Damage on critical hits
freezin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Cold Damage Does extra Cold Damage on critical hits
Frosty's arm	200	200 Muscle	1-handed staff	Weapon Damage +30 +30 Cold Damage
Frosty's nailbat	200	200 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +30% +3% Critical Hit Chance +30 Cold Damage Bonus for SCs only Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments
Frosty's snowball sack	200	200 Moxie	1-handed sack	+50 Cold Damage
giant fishhook	200	85 Moxie	2-handed spear
halibut	200	85 Muscle	2-handed fish	+100 Stench Damage +100 Sleaze Damage Moxie -10%
Hodgman's whackin' stick	200	200 Muscle	1-handed club	All Attributes +20% On Critical: Insanity!
lawn dart	200	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +15% Bonus Weapon Damage +20% Maximum HP +300 Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
Mer-kin hookspear	200	85 Muscle	1-handed spear	Combat Initiative +20% Bonus Weapon Damage +40 Extracts Meat on critical hits
Mer-kin digpick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	Bonus Weapon Damage +30 Allows for mining in the Anemone Mine
Mjolnir Jr.	200	85 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	A custom item given to Thor the Mighty
non-stick pugil stick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +10% Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: Stuns Opponent
octopus's spade	200	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	+5% Items from Monsters Combat Initiative +10% Bonus Weapon Damage +15
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+40 Hot Damage +2% Critical Hit Chance
pernicious cudgel	200	150 Muscle	1-handed club	Slime Hates It +30 Sleaze Damage +2% Critical Hit Chance
PVC staff	200	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +15% +10% Items from Monsters +60 Damage to Cold Spells
rusty piece of rebar	200	85 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 3x Critical Hit Chance
rusty speargun	200	85 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 3x Critical Hit Chance On Critical: Deals 50-60 additional damage
Seeger's Unstoppable Banjo	200	60 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Disco Bandit's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Groovelord Moxie +15 +23% Meat from Monsters +15 damage to Disco Bandit Combat Skills Special Attack: Funk Bluegrass Fusion
skate blade	200	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	Moxie +5% Devels on hit
skate board	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	All Attributes +10% Damage Reduction: 10
sleazy bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Sleaze Damage Does extra Sleaze Damage on critical hits
Sledgehammer of the Vælkyr	200	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Seal Clubber's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Seal Crusher Muscle +23 4x Critical Hit Chance +20% Physical Damage Special Attack: Bashing Slam Smash
slime-covered club	200	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +50 Damage vs. Slimes 3x Critical Hit Chance
slime-covered shovel	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Bonus Weapon Damage +60 +100 Damage vs. Slimes Combat Initiative -10%
slime-covered speargun	200	200 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +50 Damage vs. Slimes 3x Critical Hit Chance
spooky bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Spooky Damage Does extra Spooky Damage on critical hits
stinkin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Stench Damage Does extra Stench Damage on critical hits
super-sweet boom box	200	75 Moxie	1-handed radio	All Attributes +20% Regenerate 5-10 HP and MP per adventure Allows you to keep 4 songs in your head instead of 3.
teflon spatula	200	85 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +10% Serious Sleaze Resistance Bonus Spell Damage +40
The Trickster's Trikitixa	200	60 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Accordion Thief's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Master Squeezeboxer Moxie +15 Ranged Damage +23 +11% Item Drops from Monsters Special Attack: Extreme High Note Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs
Uncle Hobo's highest bough	200	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +15% Regenerate 15-30 HP per adventure Regenerate 15-30 MP per adventure
Underworld flail	200	150 Moxie	2-handed flail	+10 Moxie Stat Gains from Fights Bonus Ranged Damage +30 Moxie +10%
Underworld truncheon	200	150 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Muscle Stat Gains from Fights Bonus Weapon Damage +20% Muscle +10%
velcro broadsword	200	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Hat/Pants Items from Monsters
velcro paddle ball	200	85 Moxie	1-handed flail	Moxie +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Accessory Items from Monsters
villainous scythe	200	150 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Grimy Reaper's Vestments Slime Hates It x2 Bonus Weapon Damage +30% +4% Critical Hit Chance
Windsor Pan of the Source	200	60 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Sauceror's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Saucemaestro Mysticality +15 Spell Damage +23 +11% chance of Spell Critical Hit Special Attack: Saucemageddon
Wrath of the Capsaician Pastalords	200	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Pastamancer's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Pasta Master Mysticality +15 +50% Food Drops From Monsters Combat Initiative +40% Special Attack: Noodles of Fire
Zim Merman's guitar	200	85 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +20
Zombo's shoulder blade	200	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +30% Weapon Damage +30%
duct tape sword	195	82 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Tapered Threads Damage Absorption +40 +5% Items from Monsters
beer-a-pult	190	80 Moxie	3-handed catapult	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
beer bong	190	80 Moxie	1-handed bong	+15 Stench Damage Monster Level +5
cast-iron legacy paddle	190	80 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +15 Weapon Damage +10
fire poi	190	80 Moxie	2-handed flail	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
giant driftwood sculpture	190	80 Muscle	2-handed flail	Moxie +8 Weapon Damage +15
massive sitar	190	80 Moxie	2-handed sitar	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
Bugfinder Blade	180	75 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
didgeridooka	180	75 Moxie	2-handed heavy blowgun	Moxie +9
goatskin umbrella	180	75 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	+15 Stench Damage
plexiglass pikestaff	180	75 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +10 Extra PvP Fights Muscle +30% SC's HCO reward
war tongs	180	75 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	+10 Hot Damage +10 Damage to Hot Spells
honey dipper	175	72 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Part of the Bits o' Honey Mysticality +5% Regenerate 3-7 MP per adventure Spell Damage +15
lead pipe	175	72 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +6 Mysticality +6
perforated battle paddle	175	72 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +10
toy ray gun	175	72 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+5 Hot Damage 2x Critical Hit Chance
Drowsy Sword	171	66 Muscle	2-handed sword	Successful hit weakens opponent Monster Level -10
charming flute	170	70 Moxie	2-handed flute	Moxie +8 +20 Bonus Weapon Damage vs. Snakes
denim axe	170	70 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +10 Weapon Damage +10
giant foam finger	170	70 Muscle	1-handed club	Damage Reduction: +3
dwarvish war mattock	165	67 Muscle	1-handed axe	Part of the Dwarvish War Uniform Shows monster HP
happiness	165	67 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+12 Hot Damage
Maxwell's Silver Hammer	165	67 Muscle	1-handed club	Mysticality +10 Weapon Damage +10
pygmy spear	165	67 Muscle	1-handed spear	Muscle +7
star crossbow	165	67 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
star staff	165	67 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	165	67 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
arse-shooting crossbow	160	65 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Allows Arse Shoot
black sword	160	65 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Black Armaments 3x Critical Hit Chance Weapon Damage +7
creepy-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Sleaze Damage Player loses 10 HP due to sleaze at end of combat
cyber-mattock	160	65 Muscle	2-handed axe	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters May break in combat
evil-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Spooky Damage Player loses 10 HP due to spooky at the end of combat
frigid-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to cold at the end of combat
giant cactus quill	160	65 Muscle	1-handed spear	3x Critical Hit Chance Maximum HP +30
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	160	65 Moxie	2-handed axe	Weapon Damage +16
hot-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to hot at the end of combat
jungle drum	160	65 Moxie	2-handed drum	+10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Combat Initiative -20%
nasty-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Stench Damage Player loses 10 HP due to stench at the end of combat
pointed stick	160	65 Muscle	1-handed spear	2x Critical Hit Chance Weapon Damage +10
trout fang	160	65 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +15 25% chance of poisoning opponent
yohohoyo	160	65 Moxie	1-handed yoyo	2x Critical Hit Chance +1 Spooky Damage +1 Stench Damage +1 Hot Damage +1 Cold Damage +1 Sleaze Damage
x-37 gun	160	65 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Attack damage in a random element Can break in combat, damaging player
giant discarded plastic fork	155	62 Muscle	3-handed staff	Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags 2x Critical Hit Chance Combat Initiative -10%
magilaser blastercannon	155	62 Moxie	2-handed laser cannon	Bonus Ranged Damage +15 +5 Hot Damage
automatic catapult	150	60 Moxie	2-handed autopult
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	150	60 Muscle	2-handed polearm?
bugbear-smiting sword	150	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to Spazworrier Weapon Damage +10 Muscle +10
C.B.F.G.	150	60 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Crimborg Assault Armor +10 Hot Damage +10 Stench Damage
C.H.U.M. knife	150	175 Muscle	1-handed knife	+30 Stench Damage
club of the five seasons	150	60 Muscle	1-handed club	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
drywall axe	150	60 Muscle	2-handed axe	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
giant needle	150	60 Muscle	2-handed spear	Monster Level +5
grassy cutlass	150	60 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +11
Grimacite gat	150	40 Moxie	1-handed gun	A prize from The Raffle House Combat Initiative +20% Moxie +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
heavy leather-bound tome	150	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent
heteroerotic frat-paddle	150	60 Muscle	1-handed club	A custom item given to Mr Skullhead
immense cyborg hand	150	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +5 +3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
pipe wrench	150	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +8
Radio Free Foil	150	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia Intrinsic Effect: Shiny Happy Weapon: Muscle +20
rainbow crossbow	150	60 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
star spatula	150	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +15
vibrating cyborg knife	150	55 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +20 3x Fumble Chance
witty rapier	150	60 Muscle	1-handed sword	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Myst substat only)
world's smallest violin	150	60 Moxie	1-handed violin	Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +5% Meat from Monsters +5 to Monster Level
a butt tuba	145	57 Moxie	2-handed horn	+15 Sleaze Damage
batblade	145	57 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +15
acoustic guitarrr	140	55 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+2% Meat from Monsters
armgun	140	55 Moxie	2-handed machine gun	Bonus Weapon Damage + 10 2x Critical Hit Chance
black kettle drum	140	55 Moxie	2-handed drum	Moxie +5 Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +30
frozen seal spine	140	55 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only +20 Cold Damage Regenerate 5-10 HP per adventure Regenerate 5-10 MP per adventure
gatorskin umbrella	140	100 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	Serious Stench Resistance Weapon Damage +15
ridiculously huge sword	140	55 Muscle	3-handed sword	Weapon Damage +12 Muscle +4
silver cheese-slicer	140	55 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10%
silver paté knife	140	55 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	+5% chance of Spell Critical Hit
broken sword	135	52 Muscle	1-handed sword	Slight Spooky Resistance
carob cannon	135	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +5 Stench Damage
hairy staff	135	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per Adventure
ram-battering staff	135	52 Muscle	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
rave whistle	135	52 Moxie	1-handed whistle	Maximum HP +10 +10 Monster Level
Spirit Precipice	135	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 5x Critical Hit Chance
star boomerang	135	52 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5
star stiletto	135	52 Muscle	1-handed knife	Muscle +5
4-dimensional guitar	130	50 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +7 3x Critical Hit Chance
bad-ass club	130	50 Muscle	2-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +15 +10 to Monster Level
hot cross bow	130	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
lucky ball-and-chain	130	50 Moxie	2-handed flail
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	130	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Extra Rollover Adventures
titanium assault umbrella	130	50 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	Slight Resistance to All Elements
crazy bastard sword	125	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	An ultra-rare item +7 Extra PvP Fights Weapon Damage +15 +2% Critical Hit Chance
curmudgel	125	47 Muscle	1-handed club	Monster Level +8 Weapon Damage +10
ga-ga radio	125	47 Moxie	2-handed radio	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Weapon Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
Grimacite glaive	125	47 Muscle	2-handed polearm	A prize from The Raffle House Weapon Damage +15 Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
meatspout staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +15% Meat from Monsters
pitchfork	125	47 Muscle	1-handed spear	Weapon Damage +9
projectile icemaker	125	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
shuddersword	125	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
asbestos sword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
bone and arrows	120	45 Moxie	2-handed bow	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
bone crusher	120	45 Muscle	1-handed club	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
buffalo blade	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome crossbow	120	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
giant cheesestick	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
lawnmower blade	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +15
linoleum staff	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
ocarina of space	120	45 Moxie	2-handed flute	All Attributes +4 Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
potato pistol	120	45 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +5 +5 Sleaze Damage
Ruby Rod	120	40 Muscle	1-handed rod	Used in the Future quest
silver shrimp fork	120	45 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +14 Weapon Damage +5 Increased adventures and stats when eating pr0n cocktails
two-handed depthsword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword
old school Mafia knicke½æ	117	41 Mysticality	1-handed sword	Ranged Damage +27
lupine sword	115	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	+9 Spooky Damage +9 additional Spooky Damage if a snarling wolf shield is equipped
ram stick	115	42 Muscle	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
serpentine sword	115	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	Monster Level +10 Monster Level +10 more if wielded with a snake shield
asbestos crossbow	110	40 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
bone flute	110	40 Moxie	2-handed flute	+11 Spooky Damage
chrome staff	110	40 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
iron pasta spoon	110	40 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
linoleum sword	110	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
machetito	110	40 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +9
mannequin leg	110	40 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only +20 Sleaze Damage Moxie +5
sack of doorknobs	110	40 Moxie	2-handed sack
asbestos staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
bamboo bokuto	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword
big stirring stick	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +5
bottle-rocket crossbow	100	None	1-handed crossbow	+15% Meat from Monsters +10% Items from Monsters Moxie +15% Shoots bottle-rockets Cannot equip in Hardcore
bounty-hunting rifle	100	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig +15% Items from Monsters
bow staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux Mysticality +5 Weapon Damage +3
can of fake snow	100	35 Moxie	1-handed can	Part of the Arboreal Raiment +5 Cold Damage
chrome sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Crimbomination Contraption	100	None	2-handed club
Crimbo sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds Weapon Damage +5
depleted Grimacite hammer	100	35 Muscle	2-handed club	Monster Level +0-25 based on Grimace darkness Needed for depleted Grimacite smithing
duck-on-a-string	100	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
elven whittling knife	100	35 Muscle	1-handed knife	Does extra damage on criticals
flaming juggler's balls	100	None	1-handed euphemisms	+10 Hot Damage +2 Stat Gains from Fights Cannot equip in Hardcore
giant candy cane	100		2-handed staff	+40% Candy from Monsters
goulauncher	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
haiku katana	100	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +15% Bonus Weapon Damage +50% +1% Critical Hit Chance Allows use of The 17 Cuts, Falling Leaf Whirlwind, Spring Raindrop Attack, Summer Siesta, Winter's Bite Technique in combat Cannot equip in Hardcore
ice sickle	100	None	1-handed knife	Monster Level +15 +5 Cold Damage Cannot equip in Hardcore
infernal toilet brush	100	35 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only +20 Stench Damage Maximum HP +20 Maximum MP +20
linoleum crossbow	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
Loathing Legion chainsaw	100	None	2-handed chainsaw	Weapon Damage +100% Successful hit weakens opponent Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion double prism	100	None	1-handed prism	+2 Spooky Damage +2 Stench Damage +2 Hot Damage +2 Cold Damage +2 Sleaze Damage Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion flamethrower	100	None	2-handed flamethrower	+20 Hot Damage Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion hammer	100	None	1-handed hammer	Gets the job done Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Mafia violin case	100	35 Muscle	1-handed club	Prize from the Penguin Mafia Mystery Raffle Muscle +20 Weapon Damage +30
Moonthril Flamberge	100	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Luniform Muscle +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
Moonthril Longbow	100	40 Moxie	2-handed bow	Part of the Luniform Moxie +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
origami riding crop	100	None	1-handed crop	+10 Sleaze Damage Combat Initiative +15% Has a chat effect Cannot equip in Hardcore
oversized pizza cutter	100	35 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +13
Periodical Paintbrush	100	None	1-handed artsything	A prize item given to winners of the first calendar art contest All Attributes +0-25% Boost based on Grimace darkness Cannot equip in Hardcore
plastic guitar	100	35 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +15%
prehistoric spear	100	35 Moxie	1-handed throwing spear	2x Critical Hit Chance
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	100	35 Muscle	3-handed ...weapon	3x Critical Hit Chance 3x Fumble Chance
roboduck-on-a-string	100	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
scratch 'n' sniff crossbow	100	None	1-handed crossbow	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
scratch 'n' sniff sword	100	None	1-handed sword	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
soylent staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
spiked femur	100	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+6 Spooky Damage
Spooky Putty ball	100	None	1-handed superball	+10 Spooky Damage On critical, may ricochet up to three times, each doing 10-20 physical and 10 Spooky Damage
stinky cheese sword	100	None	1-handed sword	Stench Damage based on number of adventures stunk up May not be equipped in Hardcore
sugar shank	100	None	1-handed knife	Bonus Weapon Damage +50% Passive Damage on critical Breaks after 30 combats
sugar shillelagh	100	None	2-handed club	Bonus Weapon Damage +50% Breaks after 30 combats
sugar shotgun	100	None	1-handed pistol	Bonus Weapon Damage +50% Stunning on critical Breaks after 30 combats
Super Magic Power Sword X	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4 Combat Initiative +20% 2x Critical Hit Chance
The Landscaper's leafblower	100	35 Moxie	2-handed leafblower	+1-25 Monster Level based on number of combats with leafblower equipped
time sword	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Time Trappings +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Tropical Crimbo Sword	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Tropical Crimbo Duds Weapon Damage +5
vampire duck-on-a-string	100	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
17-alarm Saucepan	90	15 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +11 +15 Damage to Hot Spells S' Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn Sauceror buffs Bonus for Ss only
Cerebral Crossbow	90	30 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Part of the Encephalic Ensemble +3 Cold Damage +3 Spooky Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
Chelonian Morningstar	90	15 Muscle	1-handed flail	Muscle +11 Never Fumble TT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn TT buffs Bonus for TTs only
depleted Grimacite kneecapping stick	90	30 Muscle	1-handed club	+ceil(Grimace darkness/2)% Critical Hit Chance
grass whistle	90	35 Moxie	1-handed whistle	Moxie +6 Regenerate 4-6 MP per adventure
Greek Pasta of Peril	90	15 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +11 Combat Initiative +25% Food Drops +10% P's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
Hammer of Smiting	90	15 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +16 3x Critical Hit Chance SC's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
huge spoon	90	30 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
icy-hot katana	90	30 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
kneecapping stick	90	30 Muscle	1-handed club	3x Critical Hit Chance
ninja mop	90	30 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +5
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	90	15 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to DB combat skills DB's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
Squeezebox of the Ages	90	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 AT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn AT buffs Bonus for ATs only
stainless steel shillelagh	90	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +20 4x Critical Hit Chance Muscle +15% SC's HC reward
vorpal blade	90	30 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Yendorian Finery 2x Critical Hit Chance
ancient stone fist	85	27 Muscle	1-handed club	Damage Reduction: 2 Maximum HP +20
magic whistle	85	27 Moxie	1-handed whistle	+4 Monster Level +1 Familiar Weight
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	80	25 Muscle	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear Successful hit weakens opponent
bubble bauble bow	80	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Items from Monsters
clockwork crossbow	80	25 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Ranged Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Successful hit weakens opponent on Critical hit
clockwork staff	80	25 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 MP on Critical hit
clockwork sword	80	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 HP on Critical hit
corrupt club of corrupt corruption	80	25 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +9 Player loses 5 HP at end of combat
Crimbo ukelele	80	20 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+10% Items from Monsters
crowbarrr	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +15%
flypaper staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frigid hankyū	80	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	+6 Cold Damage Moxie +2
frozen nunchaku	80	25 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
goblin autoblowgun	80	25 Moxie	2-handed blowgun	Bonus Ranged Damage +5 50% chance of poisoning opponent
goblin hunting spear	80	25 Muscle	2-handed spear	Bonus Weapon Damage +5 +15 Damage vs. Jungle Beasts
grass blade	80	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Grass Guise Weapon Damage +5
Knob Goblin melon baller	80	25 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +8
lead yo-yo	80	25 Moxie	1-handed yo-yo
Meteoid ice beam	80	25 Moxie	1-handed gun	+20 Cold Damage +2% chance of Critical Hit On Critical: Freeze Opponent
rib of the Bonerdagon	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory crossbow	80	25 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
savory staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
savory sword	80	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4
severed flipper	80	25 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Muscle +5 Bonus Weapon Damage +5
spooky bicycle chain	80	25 Muscle	1-handed flail	+5 Spooky Damage 2x Critical Hit Chance
wholeberd	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +6
can cannon	75	22 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Weapon Damage +3
chopsticks	75	23 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Combat Initiative +20% Spell Damage +12
elephant stinger	75	22 Muscle	2-handed spear	Muscle +3 50% chance of poisoning opponent
pixel morning star	75	22 Muscle	1-handed whip	All Attributes +5
squeaky staff	75	22 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
sword of static	75	22 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2 Regenerate 2-4 MP per Adventure
ultimate ultimate frisbee	75	22 Moxie	1-handed frisbee	Moxie +2 Bonus Ranged Damage +4
wiffle-flail	75	22 Muscle	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
double-barreled sling	70	20 Moxie	1-handed sling	+5 Sleaze Damage Slight Cold Resistance
25-meat staff	70	20 Muscle	2-handed staff
flaming cardboard sword	70	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Hot Damage
flamingo mallet	70	20 Muscle	2-handed club	+4 to Monster Level +5% Meat from Monsters
Frost™ brand sword	70	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3 +3 Cold Damage
hippy bongo	70	20 Moxie	1-handed drum	+5 Stench Damage
homoerotic frat-paddle	70	20 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble +4 Sleaze Damage
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	70	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff	70	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	70	20 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
Totally Gay Claymore	69	19 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
finger cymbals	65	17 Moxie	1-handed cymbals	Maximum MP +20
grease gun	65	17 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
repeating crossbow	65	17 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 3x Critical Hit Chance
BRICKO sword	60	None	2-handed club	Part of the BRICKOfig Outfit Weapon Damage +6
bubblewrap crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
bubblewrap staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
bubblewrap sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2
cardboard crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +3
cardboard staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3
cardboard sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
dense meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane	60	15 Muscle	1-handed club	Moxie +5 Bonus for DBs only
eXtreme meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
filthy pestle	60	15 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +7
flaming crutch	60	15 Muscle	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
glistening staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	60	15 Muscle	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
knob bugle	60	15 Moxie	1-handed horn	Successful hit weakens opponent
Knob Goblin elite polearm	60	15 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform Weapon Damage +3
muculent machete	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2 +5% Meat from Monsters
pair of bolt cutters	60	15 Muscle	2-handed club	Delevels on hit
ratarang	60	15 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Ranged Damage +7 Moxie +3 Pickpocketed item
sabre teeth	60	15 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +4
slightly peevedbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed bow
styrofoam crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	60	15 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
boxing glove on a spring	55	12 Moxie	1-handed club	Moxie +3 Bonus Weapon Damage +4 Combat Initiative +10%
infernal fife	55	12 Moxie	2-handed flute	+7 Hot Damage
poutine pole	55	12 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
5-Alarm Saucepan	50	10 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +7 S' Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes) Bonus for Ss only
astral bludgeon	50	None	2-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 3x Critical Hit Chance
astral longbow	50	None	2-handed bow	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +30% Meat from Monsters
astral mace	50	None	1-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 +5 Extra PvP Fights
astral pistol	50	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +5 Extra PvP Fights
Ax of L'rose	50	None	2-handed axe
balloon sword	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Never Fumble Weapon Damage -2
blammer	50		1-handed club	3x chance of Critical Hit Successful hit weakens opponent.
blunt icepick	50		1-handed club	+15 Cold Damage
Bjorn's Hammer	50	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +10 SC's Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
can of maces	50	10 Moxie	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +2 Slight Sleaze Resistance
cheap plastic kazoo	50	10 Moxie	1-handed kazoo	+10 to Monster Level
clock-cleaning hammer	50		1-handed club	Weapon Damage +20
Disco Banjo	50	10 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 +3 damage to DB combat skills DB's Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
dripping meat crossbow	50	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2
dripping meat staff	50	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2
dripping meat sword	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
fluorescent lightbulb	50		1-handed club	Maximum MP +30
gift-a-pult	50	None	2-handed giftapult	Allows hurling of Gift Items
glow-in-the-dark dart gun	50	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +(9 - light) +2x (9 - light) Bonus Ranged Damage Super Accurate!
Hammerus	50		1-handed club	+15 Spooky Damage
inflatable baseball bat	50	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +30
Knob Goblin deluxe scimitar	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5
Mace of the Tortoise	50	10 Muscle	1-handed mace	Muscle +7 TT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn TT buffs (all classes) Bonus for TTs only
office-supply crossbow	50	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Bonus Ranged Damage +3
Pasta of Peril	50	10 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +7 Combat Initiative +15% P's Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
pestoblade	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 Stench Damage
pixel boomerang	50	10 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	+5% Items from Monsters
pixel chain whip	50	10 Muscle	1-handed whip	All Attributes +4
pixel sword	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the 8-Bit Finery Combat Initiative +15%
poison pen	50	None	1-handed knife	75% chance of poisoning opponent
pottery club	50	None	1-handed club	+5 Hot Damage
pottery yo-yo	50	None	1-handed yo-yo	+5 Hot Damage
Red Rover BB gun	50	10 Moxie	2-handed gun	3x Critical Hit Chance On critical, either puts out your eye (All Attributes -10%) or your opponent's
Rock and Roll Legend	50	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 AT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn AT buffs (all classes) Bonus for ATs only
sucker tachi	50		1-handed weapon	Weapon Damage +10
tambourine	50	10 Moxie	1-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Maximum MP +20
Unionize The Elves sign	50	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent No longer drops
worm-riding hooks	50	None	2-handed club
basic meat spork	45	7 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3
curdflinger	45	7 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Successful hit weakens opponent
calavera concertina	40	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables the casting of 7-turn AT buffs (all classes)
corrupt club of corruption	40	5 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +5 Player loses 3 HP at end of combat
dreadlock whip	40	5 Muscle	1-handed whip	+5 Sleaze Damage +5 Stench Damage Monster Level +10
dueling banjo	40	5 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +4 +5 Monster Level
half-sized guitar	40	5 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +2 Bonus Ranged Damage +4
ironic battle spoon	40	5 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
pool cue	40	None	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
rubber axe	40	5 Muscle	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
starchy crossbow	40	5 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
starchy staff	40	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
starchy sword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3
suede shortsword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword
white sword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
big bass drum	35	2 Moxie	2-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Damage Absorption +8
Dr. Hobo's scalpel	35	2 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +3 +1 Stench Damage
Gnollish flyswatter	35	2 Muscle	1-handed club
Gnollish plunger	35	2 Muscle	1-handed spear
jack flapper	35	2 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
pocket theremin	35	2 Moxie	2-handed theremin	+4 Spooky Damage
sealhide whip	35	2 Muscle	1-handed whip	+25 Cold Damage
spooky staff	35	2 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
bat whip	30	None	1-handed whip	Spell Damage +10 Monster Level +5
bone rattle	30	None	1-handed rattle	+4 Spooky Damage
cardboard katana	30	None	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +3 Weapon Damage +20 more if dual-wielded with a cardboard wakizashi
cardboard wakizashi	30	None	1-handed sword	Damage Reduction: +2 gives the cardboard katana 20 more Bonus Weapon Damage when dual-wielded
cheap plastic bottle opener	30	None	1-handed utensil	+2 Sleaze Damage
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife	30	None	1-handed knife	Restore 0-2 MP on successful hit
electric crutch	30	None	1-handed staff	Spell Damage +30
evil paper umbrella	30	None	1-handed umbrella	+1 Monster Level
grave robbing shovel	30	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
halfberd	30	None	1-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +2
huge mirror shard	30	None	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +5
Knob Goblin spatula	30	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +4
little paper umbrella	30	None	1-handed umbrella	Spell Damage +1
obsidian dagger	30	10 Muscle	1-handed knife	+3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
out-of-tune biwa	30	None	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +2
parasitic claw	30	None	1-handed club	Part of the Mutant Couture Bonus Weapon Damage +player level (capped at 15), or 2x player level with Yuletide Mutations
portable corkscrew	30	None	1-handed utensil	Weapon Damage +3 Spell Damage +3
rattail whip	30	None	1-handed whip	Moxie +5 Monster Level +5
shiny butcherknife	30	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
skeleton bone	30	None	1-handed club	+1 Spooky Damage
spooky stick	30	None	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
spork	30	None	1-handed utensil	Muscle +2
tail o' nine cats	30	None	1-handed whip	Combat Initiative +15% Monster Level +5
third-hand nunchaku	30	7 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3
throwing wrench	30	None	1-handed club	Delevels on hit
trusty torch	30	None	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
Wand of Nagamar	30	None	1-handed wand
cheap plastic blowgun	25	None	1-handed blowgun	50% chance of poisoning opponent
eggbeater	25	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
Gnollish slotted spoon	25	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
palm-frond whip	25	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Palmist Paraphernalia Weapon Damage +30 Can break in combat
stone banjo	25	None	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1
wooden stakes	25	None	2-handed spear	Weapon Damage +1
basic meat crossbow	20	5 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1
basic meat staff	20	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	20	5 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +1
bonerang	20	None	1-handed boomerang	+10 Damage vs. Skeletons
boning knife	20	None	1-handed knife	+10 Damage vs. Skeletons
club of corruption	20	None	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Bonus Weapon Damage +3 Player loses 1 HP at end of combat
corn holder	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +1
dented harmonica	20	None	1-handed horn	Mysticality +1
dishrag	20	None	1-handed whip	+3 Stench Damage
fouet de tortue-dressage	20	None	1-handed whip	+10 to Familiar Weight +10 to Familiar Damage
gnauga hide whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Gnauga Hides +3% Items from Monsters
Gnollish pie server	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
hippo whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Monster Level +10
Knob Goblin tongs	20	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
penguin whip	20	None	1-handed whip	+3% Meat from Monsters
scorpion whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Weapon Damage +13 50% chance of poisoning opponent
slingshot	20	None	2-handed slingshot
sweet ninja sword	20	None	1-handed sword
tiny ninja sword	20	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
yak whip	20	None	1-handed whip	Successful hit weakens opponent
asparagus knife	15	None	1-handed knife	+1 Stench Damage
Knob Goblin scimitar	15	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +1
soup-chucks	15	None	2-handed flail	+2 Hot Damage
wumpus-hair whip	15	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Wumpus-Hair Wardrobe +2 Spooky Damage +2 Stench Damage +2 Hot Damage +2 Cold Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
bar whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+2 to Familiar Weight
big stick	10	None	2-handed staff
bucket of anniversary lard	10	None	1-handed flail	All Attributes +1
candy knuckles	10	None	1-handed knuckles	Bonus Weapon Damage +25 Breaks after 31 combats
can-you-dig-it?	10	None	1-handed spade	+???
chisel	10	None	1-handed knife
clown hammer	10	None	1-handed club	Squeaky!
clown whip	10	None	1-handed whip	So-So Sleaze Resistance
cool whip	10	None	1-handed whip
costume sword	10	None	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage -10 Combat Initiative +30%
demon whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+3 Hot Damage +3 Sleaze Damage +3 Stench Damage
disco ball	10	None	1-handed disco ball
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat	10	None	2-handed club	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +10 Regenerate 1-3 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-3 MP per adventure Cannot equip in Hardcore
live wire	10	None	1-handed whip	Bonus Weapon Damage +3 Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
pasta spoon	10	None	1-handed utensil
pixel whip	10	None	1-handed whip	All Attributes +3
saucepan	10	None	1-handed saucepan	Enables the casting of 5-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes)
seal-clubbing club	10	None	1-handed club
Spooky Putty snake	10	None	1-handed chefstaff	Bonus Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 6-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do 25% of the enemy's remaining HP in Spooky Damage
Staff of Blood and Pudding	10	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +25% Maximum HP +15 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to steal and restore HP
Staff of Queso Escusado	10	None	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Bonus Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 6-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Stench Damage May not be equipped in Hardcore
Staff of the Black Kettle	10	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +75% Mysticality +10 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Deepest Freeze	10	200 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +200% +30 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 20-30 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Grand Flambé	10	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% Superhuman Cold Resistance Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage
Staff of the Greasefire	10	20 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +35% +10 Damage to Hot Spells +10 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 3-4 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage and Sleaze Damage
Staff of the Grease Trap	10	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Sleaze Damage
Staff of the Kitchen Floor	10	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Stench Damage
Staff of the Midnight Snack	10	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +20% +10 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Spooky Damage
Staff of the November Jack-O-Lantern	10	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +20% +10 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Stench Damage
Staff of the Short Order Cook	10	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +20% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Soupbone	10	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Bonus Spell Damage +75% Maximum MP +15 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Spooky Damage
Staff of the Teapot Tempest	10	25 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +25% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 3-4 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Walk-In Freezer	10	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Well-Tempered Cauldron	10	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +125% Mysticality +15 Regenerate 7-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Woodfire	10	150 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Bonus Spell Damage +100% +10 Mysticality Stat Gains from Fights Regenerate 5-15 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Spooky Damage and Hot Damage
stolen accordion	10	None	2-handed accordion	Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
stuffed crazy bastard sword	10	None	1-handed sword
The Necbromancer's Wizard Staff	10	200 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with special sauce gloves or Spirit of Rigatoni Spell Damage +200% +30 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 20-30 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Sleaze Damage and delevel
tiny plastic sword	10	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
turtle totem	10	None	1-handed totem
white whip	10	None	1-handed whip	+1 Stat Gains from Fights