Weapons

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Weapons are things adventurehrs use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

As a general rule:

• Weapons having a Moxie requirement are ranged weapons and use Moxie to calculate Hit Chance.
• Weapons having a Muscle requirement are melee weapons and use Muscle to calculate hit chance.
• Weapons having a Mysticality requirement are mysticality weapons and use Muscle to calculate hit chance, but generally give Bonus Spell Damage.

In terms of weapon types, all weapons of the following types are ranged:

• accordion
• autopult
• banjo
• bong
• boomerang
• bow
• can
• catapult
• crossbow
• disco ball
• euphemisms
• guitar
• gun
• heavy blowgun
• pistol
• radio
• rifle
• sack
• sitar
• slingshot
• superball
• throwing spear
• yo-yo
• yoyo

Chefstaves, utensils, and saucepans are mysticality weapons, as is the special Periodical Paintbrush. All other items are generally melee weapons, although there are exceptions; for example, the lucky ball-and-chain is a ranged flail, the can of maces is a ranged club, and the heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr is a ranged axe.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

Before an update on September 5th, 2012, weapons only had a power listed. The game would calculate damage by rolling for a number between 10% and 20% of the weapon's power. Following this update, damage scores were instead listed directly on the item's page, replacing power.

Name	Damage	Requirement	Weapon Type	Notes
Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun	30-60	70 Moxie	1-handed machine gun	Moxie +25% +10% chance of Critical Hit Ranged Damage +200%
Great Wolf's right paw	30-60	250 Muscle	1-handed claw	Part of the Dreadful Werewolf Suit Weapon Damage +50 Weapon Damage +50% +10% Chance of Critical Hit (SC only)
Great Wolf's rocket launcher	30-60	100 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Ranged Damage +50 +20% Chance of Critical Hit Grants skill Fire Rocket
Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg	30-60	100 Muscle	2-handed staff	Weapon Damage +40 Regenerate 20-30 MP per adventure
Unkillable Skeleton's sawsword	30-60	100 Muscle	2-handed sword	+100% Damage vs. Skeletons +50% Damage vs. Zombies +50% Damage vs. Vampires +50% Damage vs. Werewolves +50 Damage vs. Ghosts +50% Damage vs. Bugbears
zombie accordion	30-60	250 Moxie	1-handed accordion	Ranged Damage +50 +5% Item Drops from Monsters Keep 1 additional song in your head Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
bag of unfinished business	23-45	200 Moxie	2-handed doggie bag	+40 Stench Damage +5 to Familiar Weight
frying brainpan	23-45	200 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	+40 Damage to Hot Spells Enables the casting of 20-turn Sauceror buffs Maximum MP +200
groping claw	23-45	200 Muscle	1-handed claw	Successful hit weakens opponent. +30 Sleaze Damage
hothammer	23-45	200 Muscle	1-handed club	+50 Hot Damage
old dry bone	23-45	200 Muscle	1-handed club	+50 Spooky Damage
remorseless knife	23-45	200 Muscle	1-handed knife	Successful hit causes bleeding.
7-inch discus	20-40	85 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5% Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: grants 3 turns of +50% to All Attributes
antique spear	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed polearm	Part of the Antique Arms And Armor Combat Initiative -30% Successful hit weakens opponent Pulverizes into useless powder Can break in combat
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
bindlestocking	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Item Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +25 On critical: Merry Crimbo!
Bloodbath	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2) Regenerate 25-30 HP and MP per adventure
brand new key	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	Muscle +5% Weapon Damage +20
Brimstone Bludgeon	20-40	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +50% Mysticality -20% Weapon Damage +30 SC's BM reward
Byte	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed sword	Spell Damage +100% +15% chance of Spell Critical Hit
Chester's bag of candy	20-40	200 Moxie	2-handed ranged weapon	Part of the Tawdry Tramp Togs +30 Sleaze Damage Moxie +10% Bonus for DBs only
Coily™	20-40	200 Moxie	2-handed spring	Moxie +15% +10% Items from Monsters +25% Meat from Monsters Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
cozy bazooka	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +15% +20% Meat from Monsters Makes you a much better diver
cozy scimitar	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +15% Weapon Damage +50% Makes you a much better diver
cursed cutlass	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Cursed Zombie Pirate Costume Muscle +15
decaying wooden oar	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club
deep six-shooter	20-40	85 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Ranged Damage +40 +6% chance of Critical Hit
diabolical crossbow	20-40	150 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Slime Hates It +30 Spooky Damage +10% Chance of Critical Hit
Dinsey's pizza cutter	20-40	100 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Part of the Dinsey's Exoskeleton Spell Damage +50% So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2) Motorized Blade is Good for Twisting
dreadful glove	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed knife-glove	Part of the Dreadful Pajamas +5% Chance of Critical Hit Lets you find 5% more Krueggerands
duct tape sword	20-39	82 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Tapered Threads Damage Absorption +40 +5% Items from Monsters
El Vibrato energy spear	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed spear	Part of the El Vibrato Relics Can be charged with various effects
FDKOL fire hose	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed hose	+200 Cold Damage
fetus-smashing club	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	A custom item given to Bashy
fire axe	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	+200 Cold Damage
fish bazooka	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +5% +10% Meat from Monsters
fish scimitar	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Weapon Damage +10%
fish stick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5% Bonus Spell Damage +15%
Flail of the Seven Aspects	20-40	60 Muscle	1-handed flail	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Chelonian Overlord Muscle +15 Never Fumble Handle Doubles as a Turtling Rod Special Attack: Turtle of Seven Tails Enables the casting of 20-turn TT buffs Turtle Tamer's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
flamin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Hot Damage Does extra Hot Damage on critical hits
freezin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Cold Damage Does extra Cold Damage on critical hits
Frosty's arm	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed staff	Weapon Damage +30 +30 Cold Damage
Frosty's nailbat	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed club	Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments Muscle +30% +15% Chance of Critical Hit +30 Cold Damage Bonus for SCs only
Frosty's snowball sack	20-40	200 Moxie	1-handed sack	+50 Cold Damage
garbage sticker	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed spear	+20% Food Drops from Monsters +20% Booze Drops from Monsters +20% Accessory Drops from Monsters +20% Weapon Drops from Monsters +20% Hat/Pants Drops from Monsters +30% Meat from Monsters
giant fishhook	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed spear
giant shrimp fork	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +20% +10% Chance of Spell Critical Hit Maximum MP +100
giant turkey leg	20-40	200 Muscle	3-handed club	Weapon Damage +50% Monsters will be more attracted to you.
Ginsu™	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	+100% Food Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +100%
halibut	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed fish	+100 Stench Damage +100 Sleaze Damage Moxie -10%
Hodgman's whackin' stick	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed club	All Attributes +20% On Critical: Insanity!
The Jokester's gun	20-40	50 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Part of The Jokester's Costume +5 Prismatic Damage Combat Initiative +25% +50% Pants Drops from Monsters Can be fired in a weird way once per day to instantly defeat an opponent
lawn dart	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +15% Weapon Damage +20% Maximum HP +300 Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
Meatcleaver	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	+35% Meat from Monsters Weapon Damage +100%
Mer-kin digpick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	Weapon Damage +30 Allows for mining in the Anemone Mine
Mer-kin dodgeball	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed dodgeball	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped.*Muscle +10%*Moxie +10%
Mer-kin dragnet	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed dragnet	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped.*Muscle +10%*Moxie +10%
Mer-kin finpaddle	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed club	+100% Damage vs. Mer-kin
Mer-kin hookspear	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed spear	Combat Initiative +20% Weapon Damage +40 Extracts Meat on critical hits
Mer-kin switchblade	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed switchblade	+7 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped. Muscle +0%-50% Moxie +10%
miniature deck cannon	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed handcannon	Ranged Damage +25 Regenerate 10-20 HP and MP per adventure
Mjolnir Jr.	20-40	85 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	A custom item given to Thor the Mighty
non-stick pugil stick	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +10% Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: Stuns Opponent
octopus's spade	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	+5% Items from Monsters Combat Initiative +10% Weapon Damage +15
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+40 Hot Damage +10% Chance of Critical Hit
pernicious cudgel	20-40	150 Muscle	1-handed club	Slime Hates It +30 Sleaze Damage +10% Chance of Critical Hit
Pigsticker of Violence	20-40	100 Muscle	1-handed knife	Part of the Violent Vestments Regenerate 20-30 HP per adventure +10% Chance of Critical Hit Weapon Damage +60% Lets you stab opponents as they fail to attack you
PVC staff	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +15% +10% Items from Monsters +60 Damage to Cold Spells
rusty piece of rebar	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +7% Chance of Critical Hit
rusty speargun	20-40	85 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Weapon Damage +25 +7% Chance of Critical Hit On Critical: Deals 50-60 additional damage
rusty staff	20-40	85 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +25 +5% chance of Spell Critical Hit
Seeger's Unstoppable Banjo	20-40	60 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Groovelord Moxie +15 +23% Meat from Monsters +15 damage to Disco Bandit Combat Skills Special Attack: Funk Bluegrass Fusion Disco Bandit's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
skate blade	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed knife	Moxie +5% Devels on hit
skate board	20-40	85 Muscle	2-handed club	All Attributes +10% Damage Reduction: 10
sleazy bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Sleaze Damage Does extra Sleaze Damage on critical hits
Sledgehammer of the Vælkyr	20-40	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Seal Crusher Muscle +23 +10% Chance of Critical Hit +20% Physical Damage Special Attack: Bashing Slam Smash Seal Clubber's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
slime-covered club	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +50 Damage vs. Slimes +7% Chance of Critical Hit
slime-covered shovel	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +60 +100 Damage vs. Slimes Combat Initiative -10%
slime-covered speargun	20-40	200 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Weapon Damage +25 +50 Damage vs. Slimes +7% Chance of Critical Hit
slime-covered staff	20-40	200 Mysticality	2-handed staff	All Spells Cast Are Sleazy Spell Damage +60 Combat Initiative -10%
soap knife	20-40	60 Muscle	1-handed knife	None
spooky bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Spooky Damage Does extra Spooky Damage on critical hits
Stick-Knife of Loathing	20-40	150 Muscle	1-handed knife	Part of the Clothing of Loathing Weapon Damage +100% Spell Damage +200% Superhuman Cold Resistance (+5)
stinkin' bindle	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Stench Damage Does extra Stench Damage on critical hits
super-sweet boom box	20-40	75 Moxie	1-handed radio	All Attributes +20% Regenerate 5-10 HP and MP per adventure Allows you to keep 4 songs in your head instead of 3.
Sword of Procedural Generation	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Varies player to player
teflon spatula	20-40	85 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +10% Serious Sleaze Resistance Bonus Spell Damage +40
The Trickster's Trikitixa	20-40	60 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Master Squeezeboxer Moxie +15 Ranged Damage +23 +11% Item Drops from Monsters Special Attack: Extreme High Note Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs Accordion Thief's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
triple barreled barrel gun	20-40	85 Moxie	3-handed shotgun	Weapon Damage +100% +10% Chance of Critical Hit +25% Meat from Monsters
Truthsayer	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed sword	+12 to Monster Level Weapon Damage +40%
Uncle Hobo's highest bough	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +15% Regenerate 15-30 HP per adventure Regenerate 15-30 MP per adventure
Underworld flail	20-40	150 Moxie	2-handed flail	+10 Moxie Stat Gains from Fights Ranged Damage +30 Moxie +10%
Underworld truncheon	20-40	150 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Muscle Stat Gains from Fights Weapon Damage +20% Muscle +10%
velcro broadsword	20-40	85 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Hat/Pants Items from Monsters
velcro paddle ball	20-40	85 Moxie	1-handed flail	Moxie +5% Regenerate 6-12 MP per adventure +20% Accessory Items from Monsters
villainous scythe	20-40	150 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Grimy Reaper's Vestments Slime Hates It x2 Weapon Damage +30% +20% Chance of Critical Hit
White Dragon Fang	20-40	200 Muscle	1-handed sword	All Attributes +9% Prismatic Damage +9 Regenerate 9 MP per adventure
Windsor Pan of the Source	20-40	60 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Saucemaestro Mysticality +15 Spell Damage +23 +11% chance of Spell Critical Hit Special Attack: Saucemageddon Enables the casting of 20-turn Sauceror buffs Sauceror's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
wolf whistle	20-40	85 Moxie	1-handed whistle	Grants skill Blow Wolf Whistle Regenerate 10-20 HP and MP per adventure +100 Sleaze Damage
Wrath of the Capsaician Pastalords	20-40	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Pasta Master Mysticality +15 +50% Food Drops From Monsters Combat Initiative +40% Special Attack: Noodles of Fire Pastamancer's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon
Zim Merman's guitar	20-40	85 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +20
Zombo's shoulder blade	20-40	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +30% Weapon Damage +30%
beer bong	19-38	80 Moxie	1-handed bong	+15 Stench Damage Monster Level +5
beer-a-pult	19-38	80 Moxie	3-handed catapult	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
cast-iron legacy paddle	19-38	80 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +15 Weapon Damage +10
fire poi	19-38	80 Moxie	2-handed flail	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
giant driftwood sculpture	19-38	80 Muscle	2-handed flail	Moxie +8 Weapon Damage +15
massive sitar	19-38	80 Moxie	2-handed sitar	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
alarm accordion	18-36	75 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped. Combat Initiative +20% Enables casting of 20-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Bugfinder Blade	18-36	75 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
didgeridooka	18-36	75 Moxie	2-handed heavy blowgun	Moxie +9
ghast iron cleaver	18-35	72 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Ghast Iron Gear +15 Spooky Damage +15 Hot Damage
goatskin umbrella	18-36	75 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	+15 Stench Damage
honey dipper	18-35	72 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Part of the Bits o' Honey Mysticality +5% Regenerate 3-7 MP per adventure Spell Damage +15
oversized pipe	18-35	72 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +6 Mysticality +6
perforated battle paddle	18-35	72 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +10
plexiglass pikestaff	18-36	75 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +9 Extra PvP Fights Muscle +30% SC's HCO reward
toy ray gun	18-35	72 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+5 Hot Damage +5% Chance of Critical Hit
unsanitized scalpel	18-36	35 Muscle	1-handed knife	+25 Sleaze Damage
war tongs	18-36	75 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	+10 Hot Damage +10 Damage to Hot Spells
ancient ice cream scoop	17-34	70 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +20
charming flute	17-34	70 Moxie	2-handed flute	Moxie +8 +20 Weapon Damage vs. Snakes
combat fan	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed flail	+3 Prismatic Damage
denim axe	17-34	70 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +10 Weapon Damage +10
Drowsy Sword	17-34	66 Muscle	2-handed sword	Successful hit weakens opponent Monster Level -10
dwarvish war mattock	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed axe	Part of the Dwarvish War Uniform Shows monster HP
giant foam finger	17-34	70 Muscle	1-handed club	Damage Reduction: +3
happiness	17-33	67 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+12 Hot Damage
Maxwell's Silver Hammer	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed club	Mysticality +10 Weapon Damage +10
peace accordion	17-34	70 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+12 Stench Damage Enables casting of 19-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
pygmy spear	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed spear	Muscle +7
red hot poker	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed club	+15 Hot Damage
Saturday Night Special	17-33	67 Moxie	1-handed pistol	So-So Hot Resistance (+2)
short-handled mop	17-33	67 Muscle	1-handed polearm	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
star crossbow	17-33	67 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
star staff	17-33	67 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	17-33	67 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
accordionoid rocca	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Damage Reduction: 10 (First Hit Only) Enables casting of 18-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
antique machete	16-31	62 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5%
arse-shooting crossbow	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Grants skill Arse Shoot
black blade	16-32	65 Muscle	1-handed knife	+10 Spooky Damage Successful attacks restore some HP
black sword	16-32	65 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Black Armaments +7% Chance of Critical Hit Weapon Damage +7
breadchucks	16-31	62 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +10 +10 Hot Damage Can also be used in combat
coal shovel	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Grants skill Shovel Hot Coal +20 Hot Damage
creepy-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Sleaze Damage Player loses 10 HP due to sleaze at end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
cyber-mattock	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed axe	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters May break in combat
evil-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Spooky Damage Player loses 10 HP due to spooky at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
fleetwood chain	16-31	62 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5
frigid-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to cold at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
giant cactus quill	16-32	65 Muscle	1-handed spear	+7% [[Critical Hit Chance}chance]] of Critical Hit Maximum HP +30
giant discarded plastic fork	16-31	62 Muscle	3-handed staff	Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags +10% Chance of Critical Hit Combat Initiative -10%
giant safety pin	16-31	62 Muscle	1-handed spear	Weapon Damage +10 Successful hit weakens opponent.
half-size scalpel	16-31	62 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +10% Makes you look like a doctor
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed axe	Weapon Damage +16
hot-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to hot at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
jungle drum	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed drum	+10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Combat Initiative -20%
magilaser blastercannon	16-31	62 Moxie	2-handed laser cannon	Ranged Damage +15 +5 Hot Damage
nasty-ass club	16-32	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 Monster Level +15 Stench Damage Player loses 10 HP due to stench at the end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
The Nuge's favorite crossbow	16-32	30 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Ranged Damage +30 Combat Initiative +100% +5 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
pewter claymore	16-31	62 Muscle	2-handed sword	Regenerate 6-12 HP and MP per adventure
pointed stick	16-32	65 Muscle	1-handed spear	+5% Chance of Critical Hit Weapon Damage +10
tommy gun	16-32	65 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Weapon Damage +5 Grants skill Unload Tommy Gun
trout fang	16-32	65 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +15 25% chance of poisoning opponent
X-37 gun	16-32	65 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Attack damage in a random element Can break in combat, damaging player
yohohoyo	16-32	65 Moxie	1-handed yoyo	+5% Chance of Critical Hit +1 Spooky Damage +1 Stench Damage +1 Hot Damage +1 Cold Damage +1 Sleaze Damage
a butt tuba	15-29	57 Moxie	2-handed horn	+15 Sleaze Damage
automatic catapult	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed autopult
backwoods banjo	15-30	50 Moxie	2-handed banjo	+20% to all Moxie Gains Ranged Damage +40 Maximum HP/MP +200
batblade	15-29	57 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +15
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed polearm?
bugbear-smiting sword	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to Spazworrier Weapon Damage +10 Muscle +10
C.B.F.G.	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Crimborg Assault Armor +10 Hot Damage +10 Stench Damage
C.H.U.M. knife	15-30	175 Muscle	1-handed knife	+30 Stench Damage
candy knife	15-30	40 Muscle	1-handed knife	None
club of the five seasons	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed club	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
double barreled barrel gun	15-30	60 Moxie	2-handed shotgun	Weapon Damage +50% +5% Chance of Critical Hit
drywall axe	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed axe	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
flaming sword	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed sword	+20 Hot Damage +10% chance of Spell Critical Hit Never Fumble
giant artisanal rice peeler	15-30	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +15
giant needle	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed spear	Monster Level +5
grassy cutlass	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +11
grease cannon	15-30	35 Moxie	1-handed bazooka	+20 Hot Damage +20 Sleaze Damage Sets opponents on fire
Grimacite gat	15-30	40 Moxie	1-handed gun	A prize from The Raffle House Combat Initiative +20% Moxie +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
heavy leather-bound tome	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent
heteroerotic frat-paddle	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed club	A custom item given to Mr Skullhead
immense cyborg hand	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +5 +3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
keel-haulin' knife	15-30	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +17
love	15-30	35 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+50% Pants Drops from Monsters Regenerate 8-16 HP and MP per adventure +5 to Familiar Weight
mercenary rifle	15-30	30 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Ranged Damage +20 Combat Initiative +50% Allows the Use of Specialty Ammunition
obsidian nutcracker	15-30	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +30%
Othello's dagger	15-30	50 Muscle	1-handed knife	+10 Othello Skill
Pener's drumstick	15-30	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+20 Hot Damage Combat Initiative +20% +5% Chance of Critical Hit Sets opponents on fire
pipe wrench	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +8
pygmy concertinette	15-30	60 Moxie	1-handed accordion	Weapon Damage +10 Enables casting of 17-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Radio Free Foil	15-30	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia Intrinsic Effect: Shiny Happy Weapon: Muscle +20
rainbow crossbow	15-30	60 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Stench Damage +5 Hot Damage +5 Cold Damage +5 Sleaze Damage
spectral axe	15-30	50 Muscle	1-handed axe	+15 Cold Damage +30 Damage vs. Ghosts
star spatula	15-30	60 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +15
toxic mop	15-30	50 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Toxic Togs +10 Stench Damage +20 Damage to Stench Spells
vibrating cyborg knife	15-30	55 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +20 3x Fumble Chance
witty rapier	15-30	60 Muscle	1-handed sword	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Myst substat only)
world's smallest violin	15-30	60 Moxie	1-handed violin	Ranged Damage +5 +5% Meat from Monsters +5 to Monster Level
acoustic guitarrr	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+8% Meat from Monsters
armgun	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed machine gun	Weapon Damage + 10 +5% Chance of Critical Hit
black kettle drum	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed drum	Moxie +5 Maximum HP/MP +30
broken sword	14-27	52 Muscle	1-handed sword	Slight Spooky Resistance
carob cannon	14-27	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +5 Stench Damage
crowbar	14-28	55 Muscle	1-handed club	Combat Initiative +25%
frozen seal spine	14-28	55 Muscle	1-handed club	+20 Cold Damage Regenerate 5-10 HP per adventure Regenerate 5-10 MP per adventure Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
gatorskin umbrella	14-28	100 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	Serious Stench Resistance Weapon Damage +15
ghost accordion	14-28	55 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+5 Spooky Damage +15% Booze Drops from Monsters Enables casting of 16-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
hairy staff	14-27	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per Adventure
ram-battering staff	14-27	52 Muscle	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
rave whistle	14-27	52 Moxie	1-handed whistle	Maximum HP +10 +10 Monster Level
ridiculously huge sword	14-28	55 Muscle	3-handed sword	Weapon Damage +12 Muscle +4
silver cheese-slicer	14-28	55 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10%
silver paté knife	14-28	55 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	+5% chance of Spell Critical Hit
Spirit Precipice	14-27	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 +20% Chance of Critical Hit
star boomerang	14-27	52 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5
star stiletto	14-27	52 Muscle	1-handed knife	Muscle +5
autocalliope	13-26	50 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Prismatic Damage +2 Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
bad-ass club	13-26	50 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +15 +10 to Monster Level Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
bastard baster	13-25	47 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +20%
battery-powered drill	13-25	47 Muscle	1-handed drill	Spell Damage +100% Maximum HP/MP +50 +10 to Monster Level +10% Meat from Monsters
beaver spear	13-25	47 Muscle	1-handed spear	Muscle +5 Weapon Damage +10
crazy bastard sword	13-25	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	An ultra-rare item +6 Extra PvP Fights Weapon Damage +15 +10% Chance of Critical Hit
curmudgel	13-25	47 Muscle	1-handed club	Monster Level +8 Weapon Damage +10
ga-ga radio	13-25	47 Moxie	2-handed radio	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Weapon Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
Grimacite glaive	13-25	47 Muscle	2-handed polearm	A prize from The Raffle House Weapon Damage +15 Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
hand-carved bokken	13-26	30 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5% Weapon Damage +15 +5% Chance of Critical Hit
hand-carved bow	13-26	30 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +10% Ranged Damage +10 Combat Initiative +20%
hand-carved staff	13-26	30 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +10% Spell Damage +10 Slight Resistance to All Elements (+1)
hot cross bow	13-26	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
huge mosquito proboscis	13-25	47 Muscle	1-handed spear	Regenerate 8-12 HP per adventure Maximum HP +20
leechknife	13-25	47 Muscle	1-handed knife	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +5 Regenerate 4-6 HP and MP per adventure
lucky ball-and-chain	13-26	50 Moxie	2-handed flail
meatspout staff	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +15% Meat from Monsters
oil pan	13-26	47 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +10% Enables the casting of 12-turn Sauceror buffs
pitchfork	8-15	22 Muscle	1-handed spear	Weapon Damage +7
projectile icemaker	13-25	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
shuddersword	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	13-25	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
staph of homophones	13-26	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +5 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	13-26	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Extra Rollover Adventures
titanium assault umbrella	13-26	50 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	Slight Resistance to All Elements
asbestos sword	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
bone and arrows	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed bow	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
bone crusher	12-24	45 Muscle	1-handed club	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
buffalo blade	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
carrot-on-a-stick	12-24	45 Moxie	1-handed flail	Moxie +7 +50% Candy Drops from Monsters
chrome crossbow	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
elevenderizing hammer	12-23	11 Muscle	1-handed club	All Attributes +11 Weapon Damage +11
giant cheesestick	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
gummi sword	12-24	45 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +7 +50% Candy Drops from Monsters
half-melted spoon	12-23	42 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10 +10 Damage to Hot Spells
Jacob's rung	12-24	45 Mysticality	1-handed staff	Maximum MP +15 Spell Damage +15
lawnmower blade	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +15
linoleum staff	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
lupine sword	12-23	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	+9 Spooky Damage +9 additional Spooky Damage if a snarling wolf shield is equipped
non-Euclidean non-accordion	12-23	42 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Combat Initiative +15% Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
ocarina of space	12-24	45 Moxie	2-handed flute	All Attributes +4 Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
old school Mafia knicke½æ	12-23	41 Mysticality	1-handed sword	Ranged Damage +27
porcelain police baton	12-24	40 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Ceramic Suit Maximum MP +20 Muscle +20% Your Smacks Restore MP
potato pistol	12-24	45 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +5 +5 Sleaze Damage
ram stick	12-23	42 Muscle	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
Ruby Rod	12-24	40 Muscle	1-handed rod	Used in the Future quest
serpentine sword	12-23	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	Monster Level +10 Monster Level +10 more if wielded with a snake shield
silver shrimp fork	12-24	45 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +14 Weapon Damage +5 Increased adventures and stats when eating pr0n cocktails
Sword of Dark Omens	12-24	None	1-handed sword	Prismatic Damage +3 Spell Damage +50% All Attributes +5%
two-handed depthsword	12-24	45 Muscle	2-handed sword
Accordion of Jordion	11-21	37 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+5% Item Drops from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters Enables casting of 14-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
asbestos crossbow	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
bone flute	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed flute	+11 Spooky Damage
chrome staff	11-22	40 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
ghostly dagger	11-22	40 Muscle	1-handed knife	Slight Resistance to All Elements (+1) Damage Reduction: 11 Weapon Damage -10
haunted paddle-ball	11-22	40 Moxie	1-handed flail	+5 to Monster Level +10 Spooky Damage
hawk	11-22	40 Muscle	1-handed saw	+5% Chance of Critical Hit Weapon Damage +11 +22% Damage vs. Skeletons
iron pasta spoon	11-22	40 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
linoleum sword	11-22	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
machetito	11-22	40 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +9
mannequin leg	11-22	40 Muscle	1-handed club	+20 Sleaze Damage Moxie +5 Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
sack of doorknobs	11-22	40 Moxie	2-handed sack
wicker sticker	11-22	None	1-handed knife	Part of Wicker Wear Weapon Damage +20% +4 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped. Is a sweet, sweet knife
asbestos staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
bamboo bokuto	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword
barrel gun	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Weapon Damage +25%
big stirring stick	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +5
Bonestabber	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Serious Spooky Resistance (+3) +10 Spooky Damage +5 to Monster Level +30% Damage vs. Skeletons
bottle-rocket crossbow	10-20	None	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +15% +15% Meat from Monsters +10% Item Drops from Monsters Shoots bottle-rockets Cannot equip in Hardcore
bounty-hunting rifle	10-20	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig +15% Item Drops from Monsters
bow staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux Mysticality +5 Weapon Damage +3
can of fake snow	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed can	Part of the Arboreal Raiment +5 Cold Damage
candlestick	10-20	None	1-handed wand	+2 Mysticality Stat(s) Per Fight Mysticality +100% This item will disappear at the end of the day
chocolate cow bone	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+30% Candy Drops from Monsters Candilicious Smacks!
chrome sword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Crimbo sword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds Weapon Damage +5
Crimbomination Contraption	10-20	None	2-handed club
depleted Grimacite hammer	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed club	Monster Level +0-25 based on Grimace darkness Needed for depleted Grimacite smithing
duck-on-a-string	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
elf ploughshare	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Maximum HP/MP +30
elven tambourine	10-20	None	1-handed rattle	So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2)
exclusive club	10-20	None	1-handed club	It's very exclusive!
elven whittling knife	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed knife	Does extra damage on criticals
flaming juggler's balls	10-20	None	1-handed euphemisms	+10 Hot Damage +2 Stat Gains from Fights Cannot equip in Hardcore
Frankly Mr. Shank	10-20	None	1-handed knife	Disco Bandit Combat Skills weaken enemies by an additional 25% +5 Smithsness Moxie +X% (+% to Moxie Based on Smithsness) (Bonus for Disco Bandits only)
giant candy cane	10-20	None	2-handed staff	+40% Candy from Monsters
goulauncher	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
haiku katana	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +15% Weapon Damage +50% +5% Chance of Critical Hit Allows use of The 17 Cuts, Falling Leaf Whirlwind, Spring Raindrop Attack, Summer Siesta, Winter's Bite Technique in combat Cannot equip in Hardcore
Hand that Rocks the Ladle	10-20	None	1-handed utensil	Prismatic Damage +5 +5 Smithsness Mysticality +X% Eminently Twistable (PM only)
ice nine	10-20	None	1-handed pistol	+10% Chance of Critical Hit Regenerate 10-20 HP and MP per adventure +30% Meat from Monsters +5 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped.
ice sickle	10-20	None	1-handed knife	Monster Level +15 +5 Cold Damage Cannot equip in Hardcore
iFlail	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed flail	+11 to Monster Level +5 to Familiar Weight Monsters will be less attracted to you.
infernal toilet brush	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+20 Stench Damage Maximum HP +20 Maximum MP +20 Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
kiwi beak	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	+25% Food Drops from Monsters +25% Booze Drops from Monsters
knife	10-20	None	1-handed knife	+50% Meat from Monsters Moxie +100% Item disappears at the end of the day
The Landscaper's leafblower	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed leafblower	+1-25 Monster Level based on number of combats with leafblower equipped
lead pipe	10-20	None	1-handed club	Maximum HP +50 Muscle +100%
lightning rod	10-20	None	1-handed staff	Spell Damage +200% Maximum MP +50 Regenerate 5-10 MP per adventure Disappears at the end of day
linoleum crossbow	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
Loathing Legion chainsaw	10-20	None	2-handed chainsaw	Weapon Damage +100% Successful hit weakens opponent Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion double prism	10-20	None	1-handed prism	+2 Spooky Damage +2 Stench Damage +2 Hot Damage +2 Cold Damage +2 Sleaze Damage Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion flamethrower	10-20	None	2-handed flamethrower	+20 Hot Damage Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
Loathing Legion hammer	10-20	None	1-handed hammer	Gets the job done Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
macroplane grater	10-20	35 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10%
madius	10-20	36 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Gladiatorial Glad Rags +7 to Monster Level
Mafia violin case	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed club	Prize from the Penguin Mafia Mystery Raffle Muscle +20 Weapon Damage +30
Meat Tenderizer is Murder	10-20	None	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +20% +5 Smithsness Muscle +X% (+% to Muscle Based on Smithsness) 25% chance to gain an extra gallon of Fury when you gain a gallon of Fury. (SC only)
Moonthril Flamberge	10-20	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Luniform Muscle +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
Moonthril Longbow	10-20	40 Moxie	2-handed bow	Part of the Luniform Moxie +0-75% based on Grimace darkness
origami riding crop	10-20	None	1-handed crop	+10 Sleaze Damage Combat Initiative +15% Has a chat effect Cannot equip in Hardcore
oversized pizza cutter	10-20	35 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +13
papier-mâchéte	10-20	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +10 All Attributes +15% Makes actions more exciting
papier-mâchine gun	10-20	20 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Ranged Damage +10 All Attributes +15% Makes actions more exciting
Periodical Paintbrush	10-20	None	1-handed artsything	A prize item given to winners of the first calendar art contest All Attributes +0-25% Boost based on Grimace darkness Cannot equip in Hardcore
plastic guitar	10-20	35 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +15%
plastic nunchaku	10-20	10 Muscle	2-handed flail	+3 Prismatic Damage +30% Combat Initiative
prehistoric spear	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed throwing spear	+5% Chance of Critical Hit
Rain-Doh violet bo	10-20	None	2-handed staff	+11 Sleaze Damage Moxie +11
Rain-Doh yellow laser gun	10-20	None	1-handed pistol	Successful hit weakens opponent. Super Accurate!
reindeer hammer	10-20	None	1-handed club	All Attributes +10
reindeer sickle	10-20	None	1-handed claw	Successful hit causes bleeding.
revolver	10-20	None	1-handed pistol	+2 Moxie Stat(s) Per Fight Combat Initiative +50%
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	10-20	35 Muscle	3-handed ...weapon	+15% Chance of Critical Hit 3x Fumble Chance
right bear arm	10-20	None	1-handed club	+10% Muscle Weapon Damage +30% Lets you act like a bear
roboduck-on-a-string	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
rusted-out shootin' iron	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+10% Meat from Monsters Ranged Damage +50 Monsters will be less attracted to you.
Saucepanic	10-20	None	1-handed saucepan	+2 Mysticality Stat(s) Per Fight +5 Smithsness Mysticality +X% (+% to Mysticality Based on Smithsness) Lets you gather more Soulsauce Enables the casting of 15-turn Sauceror buffs (Bonus for Saucerors only)
scratch 'n' sniff crossbow	10-20	None	1-handed crossbow	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
scratch 'n' sniff sword	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Actual power can vary with player level Enchantments can be added with stickers
sewage-clogged pistol	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+10 to Monster Level +20 Stench Damage
Shakespeare's Sister's Accordion	10-20	None	2-handed accordion	-1 MP to use Skills +5 Smithsness Moxie +X% (+% to Moxie Based on Smithsness) Has a cool Cadenza Enables casting of 15-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
sharpened spoon	10-20	20 Muscle	1-handed knife	None
Sheila Take a Crossbow	10-20	None	1-handed crossbow	Regenerate 1-2 HP and MP per adventure +5% Pickpocket Chance +5 Smithsness Combat Initiative +X% (+Initiative based on Smithsness)"
silent pea shooter	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed slingshot	+10 Sleaze Damage +5 Monster Level
Sneaky Pete's basket	10-20	None	1-handed basket	Quest item in an AoSP run*Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +10% +10% Item Drops from Monsters
snow shovel	10-20	None	2-handed polearm	All Attributes +10 Weapon Damage +100%
soul knife	10-20	None	1-handed knife	Can harm True Mimes
soylent staff	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
space heater	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+12 Hot Damage So-So Cold Resistance (+2)
space needle	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +10 So-So Spooky Resistance (+2)
Space Tourist Phaser	10-20	35 Moxie	1-handed pistol	This Phaser is set to Fun
spiked femur	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+6 Spooky Damage
Spooky Putty ball	10-20	None	1-handed superball	+10 Spooky Damage On critical, may ricochet up to three times, each doing 10-20 physical and 10 Spooky Damage
Staff of Ed (Actually Ed the Undying)	10-20	None	1-handed staff	Quest item Mysticality +25% Spell Damage +25% Regenerate 2-6 MP per adventure +5 Pool Skill
Staff of Fats	10-20	35 Mysticality	2-handed staff	+5 Pool Skill
Staff of Fats (Actually Ed the Undying)	10-20	35 Mysticality	2-handed staff	+5 Pool Skill
steel sword	10-20	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +15 Regenerate 2-4 HP per adventure Moxie +5
stinky cheese sword	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Stench Damage based on number of adventures stunk up May not be equipped in Hardcore
sugar shank	10-20	None	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +50% Passive Damage on critical Breaks after 30 combats
sugar shillelagh	10-20	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +50% Breaks after 30 combats
sugar shotgun	10-20	None	1-handed pistol	Weapon Damage +50% Stunning on critical Breaks after 30 combats
Super Crimboman Ultra Mega Hypersword	10-20	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Prismatic Damage +5
Super Magic Power Sword X	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4 Combat Initiative +20% +5% Chance of Critical Hit
Thor's Pliers	10-20	None	1-handed pliers	+4 Stat(s) Per Fight Lets You Smith and Make Jewelry Faster Regenerate 6-9 MP per adventure +20% Pickpocket Chance Regular Attacks Can't Miss Allows You to Ply Reality Regenerates Lightning Power (in Heavy Rains only)
time sword	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Time Trappings +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
tin drum	10-20	None	2-handed drum	Moxie +10% Prismatic Damage +3 +1 Moxie Stat(s) Per Fight
tin foil	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +10% Weapon Damage +10% +1 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight
Tropical Crimbo Sword	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Tropical Crimbo Duds Weapon Damage +5
Trusty	10-20	None	2-handed axe	Quest item in AoB run
vampire duck-on-a-string	10-20	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Weapon Damage +5 +5% Items from Monsters
Work is a Four Letter Sword	10-20	None	1-handed sword	Regenerate 4-6 HP per adventure +5% Chance of Critical Hit +5 Smithsness Weapon Damage +X (+Damage based on Smithsness)
wrench	10-20	None	1-handed utensil	Maximum MP +50 Spell Damage +100% Item will disappear at the end of the day
17-alarm Saucepan	9-18	15 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +11 +15 Damage to Hot Spells S' Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn Sauceror buffs Bonus for Ss only
ancient stone fist	9-17	27 Muscle	1-handed club	Damage Reduction: 2 Maximum HP +20
anger blaster	9-17	30 Moxie	1-handed forearm replacement	+10 Hot Damage
Cerebral Crossbow	9-18	30 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Part of the Encephalic Ensemble +3 Cold Damage +3 Spooky Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
Chelonian Morningstar	9-18	15 Muscle	1-handed flail	Muscle +11 Never Fumble TT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn TT buffs Bonus for TTs only
debonair deboner	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Moxie +10 +25% Damage vs. Skeletons
depleted Grimacite kneecapping stick	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed club	+ceil(Grimace darkness/2)% Chance of Critical Hit
doubt cannon	9-17	30 Moxie	1-handed forearm replacement	Successful hit weakens opponent Grants skill Doubt Shackles
elegant nightstick	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +15
fear condenser	9-17	30 Moxie	1-handed forearm replacement	+10 Spooky Damage Grants skill Fear Vapor
foot-long hot daub	9-17	27 Muscle	2-handed club	Part of the Hot Daub Ensemble +9 Hot Damage +9 Damage to Hot Spells
grass whistle	9-18	35 Moxie	1-handed whistle	Moxie +6 Regenerate 4-6 MP per adventure
Greek Pasta Spoon of Peril	9-18	15 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +11 Combat Initiative +25% Food Drops +10% P's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
Hammer of Smiting	9-18	15 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +16 +7% Chance of Critical Hit SC's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
huge spoon	9-18	30 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
icy-hot katana	9-18	30 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
kneecapping stick	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed club	+8% Chance of Critical Hit
magic whistle	9-17	27 Moxie	1-handed whistle	+4 Monster Level +1 Familiar Weight
ninja mop	9-18	30 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +5
pentatonic accordion	9-18	30 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+9 Cold Damage Enables casting of 12-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
plasma rifle	9-18	None	1-handed rifle	Quest item Ranged Damage +20
regret hose	9-17	30 Moxie	1-handed forearm replacement	Grants skill Tear Wave +10 Cold Damage
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	9-18	15 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to DB combat skills DB's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
Squeezebox of the Ages	9-18	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 AT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn AT buffs Bonus for ATs only
stainless steel shillelagh	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +20 +10% Chance of Critical Hit Muscle +15% SC's HC reward
vorpal blade	9-18	30 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Yendorian Finery +8% Chance of Critical Hit
4-dimensional guitar	8-16	50 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +5 +10% Chance of Critical Hit
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear Successful hit weakens opponent
boilgun	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	+8 Hot Damage Maximum MP +10
bone bandoneon	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+7 Spooky Damage Enables casting of 6-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
broken beer bottle	8-15	10 Muscle	1-handed knife
bubble bauble bow	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Items from Monsters
can cannon	8-15	22 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Weapon Damage +3
candy stick	8-16	25 Mysticality	1-handed staff	Spell Damage +50% +40% Candy Drops from Monsters
chopsticks	8-15	23 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Combat Initiative +20% Spell Damage +12
clockwork crossbow	8-16	25 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Ranged Damage +10 +7% Chance of Critical Hit Weakens Monster on Critical hit
clockwork staff	8-16	25 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 +15% Chance of Critical Hit Restore 3-24 MP on Critical hit
clockwork sword	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +10 +15% Chance of Critical Hit Restore 3-24 HP on Critical hit
corrupt club of corrupt corruption	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed club	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only Weapon Damage +9 Player loses 5 HP at end of combat
Crimbo ukulele	8-16	20 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+10% Items from Monsters
crowbarrr	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +15%
crystalline reamer	8-15	22 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
elephant stinger	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed spear	Muscle +3 50% chance of poisoning opponent
flypaper staff	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frigid hankyū	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	+6 Cold Damage Moxie +2
frozen nunchaku	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
giant spider leg	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Sleaze +10% Chance of Critical Hit
goblin autoblowgun	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed blowgun	Ranged Damage +5 50% chance of poisoning opponent
goblin hunting spear	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed spear	Weapon Damage +5 +15 Damage vs. Jungle Beasts
grass blade	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Grass Guise Weapon Damage +5
Knob Goblin melon baller	8-16	25 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +8
lead yo-yo	8-16	25 Moxie	1-handed yo-yo
logging hatchet	8-15	22 Muscle	1-handed axe	Weapon Damage +5
Meteoid ice beam	8-16	25 Moxie	1-handed gun	+20 Cold Damage +2% chance of Critical Hit On Critical: Freeze Opponent
pixel morning star	8-15	22 Muscle	1-handed whip	All Attributes +5
quantum disintegrator pistol	8-15	22 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+15% Damage vs. Bugbears
rib of the Bonerdagon	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory crossbow	8-16	25 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
savory staff	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
savory sword	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4
severed flipper	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +5 Weapon Damage +5 Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
spooky bicycle chain	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed flail	+5 Spooky Damage +5% Chance of Critical Hit
squeaky staff	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
sword of static	8-15	22 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2 Regenerate 2-4 MP per Adventure
swordzall	8-16	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +8 Maximum MP +10
ultimate ultimate frisbee	8-15	22 Moxie	1-handed frisbee	Moxie +2 Ranged Damage +4
wholeberd	8-16	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +6
wiffle-flail	8-15	22 Muscle	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
25-meat staff	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed staff
accord ion	7-14	20 Moxie	1-handed accordion	+5 Hot Damage Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
double-barreled sling	7-14	20 Moxie	1-handed sling	+5 Sleaze Damage Slight Cold Resistance
finger cymbals	7-13	17 Moxie	1-handed cymbals	Maximum MP +20
flaming cardboard sword	7-14	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Hot Damage
flamingo mallet	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed club	+4 to Monster Level +5% Meat from Monsters
Frost™ brand sword	7-14	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3 +3 Cold Damage
gnawed-up dog bone	7-14	20 Muscle	1-handed club	+5 to Familiar Weight +1 Familiar Experience Per Combat
grease gun	7-13	17 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
hippy bongo	7-14	20 Moxie	1-handed drum	+5 Stench Damage
homoerotic frat-paddle	7-14	20 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble +4 Sleaze Damage
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	7-14	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	7-14	20 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
repeating crossbow	7-13	17 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 +15% Chance of Critical Hit
slide rule	7-13	17 Muscle	1-handed sword	Mysticality +5% Combat Initiative +10%
Totally Gay Claymore	7-14	19 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
accordion file	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
boxing glove on a spring	6-11	12 Moxie	1-handed club	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +4 Combat Initiative +10%
BRICKO sword	6-12	None	2-handed club	Part of the BRICKOfig Outfit Weapon Damage +6
bubblewrap crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
bubblewrap staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
bubblewrap sword	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2
cardboard crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Weapon Damage +3
cardboard staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Weapon Damage +3
cardboard sword	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
dense meat staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed club	Moxie +5 Bonus for DBs only
eXtreme meat crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
filthy pestle	6-12	15 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +7
flaming crutch	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
glistening staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	6-12	15 Muscle	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
infernal fife	6-11	12 Moxie	2-handed flute	+7 Hot Damage
knob bugle	6-12	15 Moxie	1-handed horn	Successful hit weakens opponent
Knob Goblin elite polearm	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform Weapon Damage +3
muculent machete	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2 +5% Meat from Monsters
pair of bolt cutters	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed club	Delevels on hit
poutine pole	6-11	12 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
ratarang	6-12	15 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Ranged Damage +7 Moxie +3 Pickpocketed item
sabre teeth	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +4
shotgun	6-12	None	1-handed	Quest item Ranged Damage +10
slightly peevedbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed bow
styrofoam crossbow	6-12	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam staff	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam sword	6-12	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	6-12	15 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
5-Alarm Saucepan	5-10	10 Mysticality	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +7 S' Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes) Bonus for Ss only
astral bludgeon	5-10	None	2-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 +15% Chance of Critical Hit
astral longbow	5-10	None	2-handed bow	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +30% Meat from Monsters
astral mace	5-10	None	1-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 +4 Extra PvP Fights
astral pistol	5-10	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +4 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped
Ax of L'rose	5-10	None	2-handed axe
balloon sword	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Never Fumble Weapon Damage -2
bal-musette accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+4 PvP fight(s) per day when equipped Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
basic meat spork	5-9	7 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Muscle +3 Weapon Damage +3
Bjorn's Hammer	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +10 SC's Epic Weapon Bonus for SCs only
blammer	5-10	None	1-handed club	+7% chance of Critical Hit Successful hit weakens opponent.
blunt icepick	5-10	None	1-handed club	+15 Cold Damage
boot knife	5-10	None	1-handed knife	None
butterfly knife	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed knife	Moxie +6
Cajun accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	Maximum HP/MP +15 Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
can of maces	5-10	10 Moxie	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +2 Slight Sleaze Resistance
cheap plastic kazoo	5-10	10 Moxie	1-handed kazoo	+10 to Monster Level
clock-cleaning hammer	5-10	None	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +20
curdflinger	5-9	7 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Successful hit weakens opponent
deathchucks	5-10	10 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +75% +15 to Monster Level
Disco Banjo	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 +3 damage to DB combat skills DB's Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
dripping meat crossbow	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2
dripping meat staff	5-10	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2
dripping meat sword	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
fluorescent lightbulb	5-10	None	1-handed club	Maximum MP +30
gift-a-pult	5-10	None	2-handed giftapult	Allows hurling of Gift Items
glow-in-the-dark dart gun	5-10	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +(9 - light) +2x (9 - light) Ranged Damage Super Accurate!
guancertina	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+4 Stench Damage Enables casting of 9-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Hammerus	5-10	None	1-handed club	+15 Spooky Damage
high-energy mining laser	5-10	None	2-handed rifle	Part of the High-Radiation Mining Gear 2x chance of Fumble +20 Hot Damage
high-temperature mining drill	5-10	None	2-handed drill	Allows Mining in the Velvet / Gold Mine
inflatable baseball bat	5-10	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +30
iron dagger	5-10	None	1-handed knife	Muscle +3 +10 Spell Damage +5% Item drops from Monsters
Knob Goblin deluxe scimitar	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5
law-abiding citizen cane	5-10	None	1-handed club	+5 Maximum Hooch
Mace of the Tortoise	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed mace	Muscle +7 TT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn TT buffs (all classes) Bonus for TTs only
mercenary pistol	5-10	10 Moxie	1-handed pistol	All Attributes +10 Never Fumble Allows the Use of Specialty Ammunition
office-supply crossbow	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Ranged Damage +3
Pasta Spoon of Peril	5-10	10 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +7 Combat Initiative +15% P's Epic Weapon Bonus for Ps only
pestoblade	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 Stench Damage
pixel boomerang	5-10	10 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	+5% Items from Monsters
pixel chain whip	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed whip	All Attributes +4
pixel sword	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the 8-Bit Finery Combat Initiative +15%
poison pen	5-10	None	1-handed knife	75% chance of poisoning opponent
polyester peeler	5-10	None	1-handed utensil	Part of the Synthetic Suit Spell Damage +20% Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure Increases the Damage of Stuffed Mortar Shell
pottery club	5-10	None	1-handed club	+5 Hot Damage
pottery yo-yo	5-10	None	1-handed yo-yo	+5 Hot Damage
quirky accordion	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+5 to Monster Level Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Red Rover BB gun	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed gun	+15% Chance of Critical Hit On critical, either puts out your eye (All Attributes -10%) or your opponent's
Rock and Roll Legend	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 AT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn AT buffs (all classes) Bonus for ATs only
Skipper's accordion	5-10	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	+10% Pickpocket Chance Moxie +15% Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
sucker tachi	5-10	None	1-handed weapon	Weapon Damage +10
tambourine	5-10	10 Moxie	1-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Maximum MP +20
toy Crimbot power glove	5-10	None	1-handed knuckles	Part of the Crimbot Crimboutfit Weapon Damage +15 +1 Crimbot Outfit Power Allows use of ZAP in combat
Unionize The Elves sign	5-10	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent No longer drops
warbear exhaust manifold	5-10	None	2-handed accordion	+10 Stench Damage (Bonus for Accordion Thieves only)
warbear oil pan	5-10	None	1-handed saucepan	+10 Damage to Hot Spells +10 Damage to Sleaze Spells Lets you sling hot grease!
wooden spoon	5-10	10 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
worm-riding hooks	5-10	None	2-handed club
big bass drum	4-7	2 Moxie	2-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Damage Absorption +8
calavera concertina	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables casting of 7-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
corrupt club of corruption	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +5 Player loses 3 HP at end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
Dr. Hobo's scalpel	4-7	2 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +3 +1 Stench Damage
dreadlock whip	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed whip	+5 Sleaze Damage +5 Stench Damage Monster Level +10
dueling banjo	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +4 +5 Monster Level
Gnollish flyswatter	4-7	2 Muscle	1-handed club
Gnollish plunger	4-7	2 Muscle	1-handed spear
half-sized guitar	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +2 Ranged Damage +4
ironic battle spoon	4-8	5 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
jack flapper	4-7	2 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
mama's squeezebox	4-8	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables casting of 8-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
plastic replica blaster pistol	4-8	None	1-handed	Combat Initiative +20% Ranged Damage +20 This item disappears at the end of the day
pocket theremin	4-7	2 Moxie	2-handed theremin	+4 Spooky Damage
pool cue	4-8	None	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
rubber axe	4-8	5 Muscle	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
sealhide whip	4-7	2 Muscle	1-handed whip	+25 Cold Damage
spooky staff	4-7	2 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
starchy crossbow	4-8	5 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
starchy staff	4-8	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
starchy sword	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3
suede shortsword	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed sword
weighted paperclip chain	4-8	None	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +12
western-style skinning knife	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +5 +10% Hat/Pants Drops from Monsters
white sword	4-8	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
amok putter	3-6	None	2-handed club	+9 Hot Damage +9 Cold Damage Combat Initiative +18%
Bananubis's Staff	3-6	None	1-handed	Quest item -6 Luck Raise Skeleton Buddies
baritone accordion	3-6	None	2-handed accordion	Regenerate 2-4 HP per adventure Enables casting of 7-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
Barney's rake	3-5	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Muscle +3
bat whip	3-6	None	1-handed whip	Spell Damage +10 Monster Level +5
beer-soaked mop	3-6	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Sleaze Damage
bone rattle	3-6	None	1-handed rattle	+4 Spooky Damage
breadwand	3-5	None	1-handed wand	Spell Damage +3
cardboard katana	3-6	None	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage +3 Weapon Damage +20 more if dual-wielded with a cardboard wakizashi
cardboard wakizashi	3-6	None	1-handed sword	Damage Reduction: 4 gives the cardboard katana 20 more Weapon Damage when dual-wielded
cheap plastic blowgun	3-5	None	1-handed blowgun	50% chance of poisoning opponent
cheap plastic bottle opener	3-6	None	1-handed utensil	+2 Sleaze Damage
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife	3-6	None	1-handed knife	Restore 0-2 MP on successful hit
eggbeater	3-5	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
electric crutch	3-6	None	1-handed staff	Spell Damage +30
evil paper umbrella	3-6	None	1-handed umbrella	+1 Monster Level
Gnollish slotted spoon	3-5	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
grave robbing shovel	3-6	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
halfberd	3-6	None	1-handed polearm	Weapon Damage +2
huge mirror shard	3-6	None	1-handed knife	Weapon Damage +5
Knob Goblin spatula	3-6	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +4
little paper umbrella	3-6	None	1-handed umbrella	Spell Damage +1
obsidian dagger	3-6	10 Muscle	1-handed knife	+3 Spooky Damage +3 Stench Damage +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
out-of-tune biwa	3-6	None	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +2
palm-frond whip	3-5	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Palmist Paraphernalia Weapon Damage +30 Can break in combat
parasitic claw	3-6	None	1-handed club	Part of the Mutant Couture Weapon Damage +player level (capped at 15), or 2x player level with Yuletide Mutations
portable corkscrew	3-6	None	1-handed utensil	Weapon Damage +3 Spell Damage +3
rattail whip	3-6	None	1-handed whip	Moxie +5 Monster Level +5
rubber band gun	3-6	None	1-handed pistol	Moxie +5
rubber spatula	3-5	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
sewer snake	3-6	None	1-handed flail	+3 Stench Damage
shiny butcherknife	3-6	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
skeleton bone	3-6	None	1-handed club	+1 Spooky Damage
spooky stick	3-6	None	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
spork	3-6	None	1-handed utensil	Muscle +2
stone banjo	3-5	None	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1
sturdy machete	3-6	None	1-handed sword	Quest item Weapon Damage +5
tail o' nine cats	3-6	None	1-handed whip	Combat Initiative +15% Monster Level +5
third-hand nunchaku	3-6	7 Muscle	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +3
throwing wrench	3-6	None	1-handed club	Delevels on hit
trusty torch	3-6	None	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
trusty whip	3-6	None	1-handed whip	Quest item, Spelunky only
Wand of Nagamar	3-6	None	1-handed wand
wooden stakes	3-5	None	2-handed spear	Weapon Damage +1
asparagus knife	2-3	None	1-handed knife	+1 Stench Damage
basic meat crossbow	2-4	5 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1
basic meat staff	2-4	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	2-4	5 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +1
beer-battered accordion	2-4	None	2-handed accordion	+2 Sleaze Damage (Bonus for Accordion Thieves only)
bonerang	2-4	None	1-handed boomerang	+10 Damage vs. Skeletons
boning knife	2-4	None	1-handed knife	+10 Damage vs. Skeletons
cap gun	2-4	None	1-handed pistol	Base Muscle Limited to 200 Base Mysticality Limited to 200 Base Moxie Limited to 200 Bang Bang! (Grants skill Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!"
club of corruption	2-4	None	1-handed club	Weapon Damage +3 Player loses 1 HP at end of combat Bonus for Seal Clubbers only
corn holder	2-4	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +1
dented harmonica	2-4	None	1-handed horn	Mysticality +1
dishrag	2-4	None	1-handed whip	+3 Stench Damage
fouet de tortue-dressage	2-4	None	1-handed whip	+10 to Familiar Weight +10 to Familiar Damage
gnauga hide whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Gnauga Hides +3% Items from Monsters
Gnollish pie server	2-4	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
hippo whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	Monster Level +10
Knob Goblin scimitar	2-3	None	1-handed sword	Muscle +1
Knob Goblin tongs	2-4	None	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
penguin whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	+3% Meat from Monsters
remaindered axe	2-4	None	1-handed club	Muscle +2 Weapon Damage +2
scorpion whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	Weapon Damage +13 50% chance of poisoning opponent
slingshot	2-4	None	2-handed slingshot
soup-chucks	2-3	None	2-handed flail	+2 Hot Damage
space beast fur whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Space Beast Furs Damage Reduction: 5
sweet ninja sword	2-4	None	1-handed sword
tiny ninja sword	2-4	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
wumpus-hair whip	2-3	None	1-handed whip	Part of the Wumpus-Hair Wardrobe +2 Spooky Damage +2 Stench Damage +2 Hot Damage +2 Cold Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
yak whip	2-4	None	1-handed whip	Successful hit weakens opponent
airblaster gun	1-2	None	1-handed pistol	Gives skill Air Blast in combat
antique accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables casting of 10-turn Accordion Thief buffs for all classes
archaeologing shovel	1-2	None	2-handed polearm	Allowed digging at Bigg's Dig
bar whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+2 to Familiar Weight
big stick	1-2	None	2-handed staff
bucket of anniversary lard	1-2	None	1-handed flail	All Attributes +1
candy knuckles	1-2	None	1-handed knuckles	Weapon Damage +25 Breaks after 31 combats
can-you-dig-it?	1-2	None	1-handed spade	+???
chisel	1-2	None	1-handed knife
clown hammer	1-2	None	1-handed club	Squeaky!
clown whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	So-So Sleaze Resistance
cool whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip
costume sword	1-2	None	1-handed sword	Weapon Damage -10 Combat Initiative +30%
demon whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+3 Hot Damage +3 Sleaze Damage +3 Stench Damage
disco ball	1-2	None	1-handed disco ball
hilarious comedy prop	1-2	None	1-handed club	Regenerate 4-6 HP and MP per adventure
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat	1-2	None	2-handed club	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +10 Regenerate 1-3 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-3 MP per adventure Cannot equip in Hardcore
lavalarva	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+30 Hot Damage Stupendous Cold Resistance (+4) +10 to Monster Level
licorice whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+5% Chance of Critical Hit Candiful Crits
live wire	1-2	None	1-handed whip	Weapon Damage +3 Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
Mayor Ghost's gavel	1-2	None	1-handed club	+10% Chance of Critical Hit Weapon Damage +30 +50 Damage vs. Ghosts Grants skill Hammer Ghost
The Necbromancer's Wizard Staff	1-2	200 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +200% +30 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 20-30 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Sleaze Damage and delevel
pasta spoon	1-2	None	1-handed utensil
pixel whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	All Attributes +3
rope	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+2 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight +10 to Familiar Weight
saucepan	1-2	None	1-handed saucepan	Enables the casting of 5-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes)
seal-clubbing club	1-2	None	1-handed club
Spelunker's whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	Part of Spelunker's Gear Weapon Damage +25% +10% Item Drops from Monsters +5 to Familiar Weight
Spooky Putty snake	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Bonus Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 6-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do 25% of the enemy's remaining HP in Spooky Damage
Staff of Blood and Pudding	1-2	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +25% Maximum HP +15 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to steal and restore HP
Staff of Fruit Salad	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in AoJ run Spell Damage +10 Moxie +10 Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure Jiggle: Deal some Prismatic damage
Staff of Holiday Sensations	1-2	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Spell Damage +75% +15 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
Staff of Queso Escusado	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Bonus Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 6-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Stench Damage May not be equipped in Hardcore
Staff of Simmering Hatred	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Part of the Hateful Habiliment Regenerate 20-30 MP per adventure Reduce enemy defense by 10% Spell Damage +200%
Staff of the All-Steak	1-2	50 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in AoJ run Spell Damage +50% Damage Reduction: 15 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Jiggle: Massive Bonus to Item Drops (5 charges left today)
Staff of the Black Kettle	1-2	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +75% Mysticality +10 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Cozy Fish	1-2	85 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Mysticality +15% Spell Damage +150% Makes you a much better diver
Staff of the Cream of the Cream	1-2	50 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item Spell Damage +50% Moxie +30 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Jiggle: Attune to Monster's Essence
Staff of the Deepest Freeze	1-2	200 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +200% +30 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 20-30 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Electric Range	1-2	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Spell Damage +50% +20 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per adventure
Staff of the Grand Flambé	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +150% Superhuman Cold Resistance Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage
Staff of the Grease Trap	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Sleaze Damage
Staff of the Greasefire	1-2	20 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +35% +10 Damage to Hot Spells +10 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 3-4 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Hot Damage and Sleaze Damage
Staff of the Headmaster's Victuals	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure +5 Damage to Sleaze Spells +5 Smithsness +X Spell Damage (+Spell Damage based on Smithsness)
Staff of the Healthy Breakfast	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in AoJ run Spell Damage +10 Maximum HP +15 +10% Item Drops from Monsters Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure Jiggle: Recover Some HP
Staff of the Hearty Dinner	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in AoJ run Spell Damage +10 Damage Reduction: 5 Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure Jiggle: Weaken Bad Guy
Staff of the Kitchen Floor	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Stench Damage
Staff of the Light Lunch	1-2	None	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in AoJ run Spell Damage +10 Combat Initiative +15% Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure Jiggle: Deal Some Cold Damage
Staff of the Lunch Lady	1-2	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item only in KOLHS run Spell Damage +75% Maximum HP/MP +15 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure +25% Food Drops from Monsters
Staff of the Midnight Snack	1-2	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +20% +10 Damage to Spooky Spells Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Spooky Damage
Staff of the November Jack-O-Lantern	1-2	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +20% +10 Damage to Stench Spells Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Stench Damage
Staff of the Roaring Hearth	1-2	250 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Spell Damage +250% +40 Damage to Hot Spells Regenerate 30-35 MP per adventure
Staff of the Scummy Sink	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Sleaze Spells Regenerate 8-10 HP per adventure Slime Hates It
Staff of the Short Order Cook	1-2	15 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +20% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 2-3 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Soupbone	1-2	75 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Bonus Spell Damage +75% Maximum MP +15 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Spooky Damage
Staff of the Staff of Life	1-2	50 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item in AoJ run Spell Damage +50% Maximum HP +30 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Regenerate 10-12 HP per adventure Jiggle: Full HP Recovery
Staff of the Standalone Cheese	1-2	50 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Quest item in AoJ run Spell Damage +50% Combat Initiative +30% Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure Jiggle: Banish opponent for the rest of the day
Staff of the Teapot Tempest	1-2	25 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +25% Mysticality +5 Regenerate 3-4 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Walk-In Freezer	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +150% +20 Damage to Cold Spells Regenerate 8-10 MP per Adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do Cold Damage
Staff of the Well-Tempered Cauldron	1-2	125 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Spell Damage +125% Mysticality +15 Regenerate 7-8 MP per adventure Can be jiggled in combat to do physical damage
Staff of the Woodfire	1-2	150 Mysticality	1-handed chefstaff	Chefstaves can only be equipped with a special sauce glove (and as a Sauceror), having Spirit of Rigatoni or being an Avatar of Jarlsberg Bonus Spell Damage +100% +10 Mysticality Stat Gains from Fights Regenerate 5-15 MP per adventure Can be jiggled once per combat to do Spooky Damage and Hot Damage
sticky hand whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+5% Item Drops from Monsters +10% Pickpocket Chance +15% Meat from Monsters
stolen accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables casting of 5-turn Accordion Thief buffs Bonus for ATs only
stuffed club	1	None	1-handed club	Replaces sound effects
stuffed crazy bastard sword	1-2	None	1-handed sword
tiny plastic sword	1-2	None	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
toy accordion	1-2	None	2-handed accordion	Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
toy taijijian	1-2	None	1-handed sword	None
trash net	1-2	None	2-handed polearm	Quest item
turtle totem	1-2	None	1-handed totem	Enables the casting of 5-turn TT buffs (all classes)
twisted-up wet towel	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+25% Item Drops from Monsters (KoL High School zones only)
white whip	1-2	None	1-handed whip	+1 Stat Gains from Fights
KoL Con 12-gauge	0-0	None	1-handed shotgun	Maximum HP/MP +12
Tales of the Word Realms	0-0	None	2-handed book	Lends Power to Your Words
gnollish nunchaku	N/A	None	2-handed flail	No longer available in game
turtleslinger	N/A	None	1-handed slingshot	No longer available in game

See also

• Bonus Weapon Damage (affects all damage dealt from regular attacks)
• Bonus Ranged Damage (affects all damage dealt from regular attacks when a ranged weapon is equipped)